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Thread: Getting physically sick from stress, maybe abandonment issues resurfacing? Help!

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    Exclamation Getting physically sick from stress, maybe abandonment issues resurfacing? Help!


    Ok, I'm not really sure where to start with this. I am 25 years old, I have always been an insecure person, low self esteem, and incredibly anxious about anything new. I'm pretty sure this stems from my dad taking off when I was 3 and leaving me at my grandmas without even saying a word. I was in therapy for basically my entire childhood. I figured by now I would have to be over those issues, but they seem to be rearing their ugly head again.

    Lately I've been having what are probably "mild" panic attacks, but they are not having a "mild" effect on my life. I get nauseous all the time, I wake up that way every day and it makes it so hard to get out of bed, but everyday I do. I somehow fight through it and face the day. Then during the day I get waves of it in varying intensity, dizzy spells, off and on headaches, and I am tired a lot. I noticed them originally in meetings or in class, basically situations when I couldn't leave. I've never been claustrophobic, but it seems like I am now. It even hit me really bad in a movie theater about 2 months ago, during a movie I was really looking forward to seeing. I don't get sick just during stressful things anymore, but now it's keeping me from doing things I love and enjoy.

    I'm in college and working really, really hard at maintain straight A's. Something that is very new to me, I never used to excel in school. I also started a new job with a lot more responsibility than my old job, which is great because I am getting amazing job experience for when I graduate, but also more stress and a smaller paycheck....very, very small paycheck...and my boyfriend and I are having problems and my relationship is on very shaky ground. We have discussed the possibility of breaking up after being together for 5 years. I think our relationship problems are due to all the stress I am under. Basically, I've completely lost my sex drive and it's really hurting him. He is wonderful person, he does so much for me and I love him so very much, but I can't make myself want or enjoy sex, and I have no idea why. It's very frustrating, and it's hurting him too much. So, he is thinking about breaking up with me, but he doesn't want to because despite our problems, he still loves me and I still love him.

    I went to the doctor, had a bunch of blood tests and she agreed with me that all these horrible symptoms that are slowly destroying my life are from anxiety and stress. Yet, even though I recognize it, I can't fix it. I decided to start taking anxiety medication but it hasn't been helping. It was so bad this week that I didn't even go to class, something that is so unlike me. I was looking up abandonment issues online and some of the things I've been going through sound really similar. Has anyone else had similar problems or does anyone have any general advice on how to cope with all this? I'm not sure what else to do. I recognize that I have a problem and I am seeking help, but it's not working. I honestly can't go on like this. I feel so horrible all the time, it's like having the flu but still having to get out of bed, go to work, class, study, do the chores, maintain relationships, even though you all you want to do is lay down and curl up in a ball and disappear.

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array JadedQueen's Avatar
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    It sounds like you have put too much on your plate and things are starting to "spill off" so to speak. You mentioned the abandonment issues and it causing you anxiety for most of your life and that you have been in therapy. Has anything happened recently that made/makes you feel the same way (abandoned) like you did when you were little? (like did a friend or family member move away, or cut off contact etc...?) If so that could have triggered the same reaction in you and with all the stress. If something like that didn't happen then I think it may be just stress related because you have taken on so much responsiblity. How long ago did your doctor give you medication? Often times with those types of medications it takes 2-4 weeks before you start to feel/see any changes. The medication has to build up in your system before it levels you out. If it has been over 4 weeks and you haven't seen/felt any improvements or things feel worse go back to your doctor and you may need a different medication or another medication in addition. Has all of this stress, hectic schedule had any affect on your sleep? (are you sleeping more, or having difficulty sleeping?). I think once the medication gets you leveled out and you find a way to get into a routine that works well for you, or find some way to schedule in some down time you will start feeling better. If you haven't already talk to your boyfriend and tell him everything you are going through right now and ask him for his love and support. Good luck.

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    Have you ever read, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes? I recommend it to you. I'm an anxiety survivor, I'm only 21 but been dealing with it for 10 years and it changed my life. Everything that's going on with you will be described somehow in this book. You're gonna be okay. Everyone struggles with feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem sometimes - that's part of being human - but to let it control our lives and happiness is a shame and a waste.

    Also, maybe check out, "How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything, Yes, Anything," by Albert Ellis.

    Good luck hun.

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    Quote Originally Posted by phoebe View Post
    Ok, I'm not really sure where to start with this. I am 25 years old, I have always been an insecure person, low self esteem, and incredibly anxious about anything new. I'm pretty sure this stems from my dad taking off when I was 3 and leaving me at my grandmas without even saying a word. I was in therapy for basically my entire childhood. I figured by now I would have to be over those issues, but they seem to be rearing their ugly head again.

    Lately I've been having what are probably "mild" panic attacks, but they are not having a "mild" effect on my life. I get nauseous all the time, I wake up that way every day and it makes it so hard to get out of bed, but everyday I do. I somehow fight through it and face the day. Then during the day I get waves of it in varying intensity, dizzy spells, off and on headaches, and I am tired a lot. I noticed them originally in meetings or in class, basically situations when I couldn't leave. I've never been claustrophobic, but it seems like I am now. It even hit me really bad in a movie theater about 2 months ago, during a movie I was really looking forward to seeing. I don't get sick just during stressful things anymore, but now it's keeping me from doing things I love and enjoy.

    I'm in college and working really, really hard at maintain straight A's. Something that is very new to me, I never used to excel in school. I also started a new job with a lot more responsibility than my old job, which is great because I am getting amazing job experience for when I graduate, but also more stress and a smaller paycheck....very, very small paycheck...and my boyfriend and I are having problems and my relationship is on very shaky ground. We have discussed the possibility of breaking up after being together for 5 years. I think our relationship problems are due to all the stress I am under. Basically, I've completely lost my sex drive and it's really hurting him. He is wonderful person, he does so much for me and I love him so very much, but I can't make myself want or enjoy sex, and I have no idea why. It's very frustrating, and it's hurting him too much. So, he is thinking about breaking up with me, but he doesn't want to because despite our problems, he still loves me and I still love him.

    I went to the doctor, had a bunch of blood tests and she agreed with me that all these horrible symptoms that are slowly destroying my life are from anxiety and stress. Yet, even though I recognize it, I can't fix it. I decided to start taking anxiety medication but it hasn't been helping. It was so bad this week that I didn't even go to class, something that is so unlike me. I was looking up abandonment issues online and some of the things I've been going through sound really similar. Has anyone else had similar problems or does anyone have any general advice on how to cope with all this? I'm not sure what else to do. I recognize that I have a problem and I am seeking help, but it's not working. I honestly can't go on like this. I feel so horrible all the time, it's like having the flu but still having to get out of bed, go to work, class, study, do the chores, maintain relationships, even though you all you want to do is lay down and curl up in a ball and disappear.
    Hey Phoebe you sound like me in college and a lot of my friends and clients I've had recently. Believe it or not this is very normal for someone who's had the experiences you've had AND under so much stress and responsibility. You asked for help and are seeking answers so I want to congratulate that. Medicine and counselors will probably start by telling you the same thing gosh you've got a lot going on slow down and back off...but I can tell that is something that your not feeling is a very good option while trying to keep your straight A's. Losing interest in sex by the way is a normal response. When your energies are being pulled inward to keep you stable in other area's of your life the sex drive often goes.

    So I'm giving you your wish here is how to start to fix you. Yes that is the good news this is totally fixable and something I'm very good at so trust me when I tell you that you are going to be alright. Get a pad and paper write this down and carry it with you. This tool will help bring stability into your life again and you may even start to find more energy and increased sex drive and other awakenings.

    1st. Say this to your self " I am always and in all ways greater then I think I am."
    2nd. Find a comfortable seat out of the way where you are safe and can spend a few minutes.
    3rd: Sit down and feel the ground or surface beneath you. Notice your connection to it. Maybe your eyes close maybe they just soften and your head drifts backward a bit. Notice how your breathing in that moment are you calm, feeling anxious, whatever it is know that it will be ok and that your body will take care of you in this exercise.

    When you are ready take a deep breath full breath pausing for a full second and then gently releasing it.

    Pause again for a full second and inhale once more feeling your forhead and neck muscles soften.

    In this moment let your head drift back again and thank the universe for the air your breathing and the time you have right now to appreciate this time for yourself. With each breath this appreciation turns into love and the air you breathe begins to fill you softly warming your heart. Notice how every exhale releases a little more tension and it is as if the tension is leaving like invisible smoke from your out breath and that light fills the air of each in breath. Bringing in peace and tranquility to fill the space.

    When you are comfortable increase the space between each out breath and each in breath by a second or two. When you reach 3 seconds between each inhale and each exhale extend the exhale to 7 seconds and each inhale to seven seconds. This is known as the heart breath. It will energize your body and reconnect your mind. The mind/body connection will begin to naturally heal you.

    My dear Phoebe you will find doing this that you have greater energy and power in your life because your subconcious is so powerful. All you need to do is to take time to feel and express gratitude and appriciate for life, yourself and it will do the rest.
    John Kabat-Zin has some wonderful CD's about 13 dollars on amazon called Mindfulness Meditation for Beginners.

    I am trained in Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy and its use in depression relapse prevention and the clinical studies convinced me to reconsider mindfulness healing. It re-opened my eyes to my own meditation practice which i had been side stepping in my yoga practice. When i embraced this practice I started to heal again. Being in the here and now does not mean we forget the past, but we accept it for what it was and have the space to fully present in the now. Life is so beautiful and amazing, and you were made to live it. This I promise will begin the start of your healing journey, by opening your mind to awareness of your own personal power and connection to your self the universe will guide you to your next lessons and teachers. There are not problems or mistakes in life only opportunities, so remember that and that you are ALWAYS and in ALL Ways greater then you think you are.

    Namaste (The light in me bows to the light in you).

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