depression

**kel0887** · 02-19-2011 01:03 PM

I am 23, and seem to have it all. I have family and friends that love me. I have been in a relationship for a little over 4 years, and we haven't had any issues except the little minor issues at the beginning of our relationship. I can't seem to find happiness where there should be happiness. I go through spurts where I don't feel like I am in the right place, and that I have nothing good going for me. I get angry that I can't explain what is going on inside my own head, and my partner sure doesn't get it. Then I get annoyed whenever she asks 15 times in a row what is wrong and I can't explain it. I get aggressive and mean, snotty and rude, and normally that isn't me. Is there anyone that has some suggestions? I have been to counselors and have taken anti depressants, which just make these feelings worse. And the contemplation of suicide is always present. I just don't know what to do.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-19-2011 01:42 PM

Do you love yourself? Sounds as if you don't.

A person can't be happy in life, if they are wondering around the earth just being...

Love is a beautiful thing but passion is what makes us whole.

If you work for instance, purely to work, for money it's not your passion in life and so you just do...but you're not happy.

If you come home, even surrounded by love, but there's nothing else there, then you are just in a home, you're not happy.

You simply have to find you, dream that dream and find your passions in life and go for them...

CW

**sarahlee20** · 02-19-2011 10:32 PM

I have felt the same way the same age as you. I don't know if your a male or female but I am a female and seem to be going through the same thing right now. I feel so helpless and feel like i got nothing good going for me. As much as i love and appreciate my family and the one friend i do have. I can't find happiness in myself. I've always been a happy positive go lucky person before but now I Just feel blah. I try so hard to be positive and happy but for some reason i am struggling badly with depression. I've been on anti depression meds for almost 10 years. The same kind of medicine too. I've tried for years to find happiness in myself and have succeeded before then failed. Right now i feel like i am failing. I've been sleeping alot and staying up all night and into the mornings and been sleeping for the day and have missed days at a time due to just sleeping in bed. I want to get out of this and find real happiness not only with my family but with myself as well. I hope you as well as myself will someday find true happiness in ourselves.Have you tried getting out of the house and holding a job or going to school? That is what i am trying to accomplish right now. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck to you and hope everything gets better for you.

**kel0887** · 02-20-2011 05:27 PM

Thanks for commenting sarahlee20. I am also female. I have 2 jobs and help my partner with her personal business. I find that things that I used to enjoy I no longer find any pleasure out of, and things that should make me happy don't. I can go for a few days on a positive note, then totally break down and become so negative I can't even tell my partner I love her, even though I do. A lot of people have said that I need to find happiness in myself before I can make others happy, and I realize that, but how do you make yourself happy? Honestly, I don't see it as being possible. I feel as if nothing is going right, other than the fact that I have people that love me. Life has not taken the path that I expected it to, and therefore feel like I have failed majorly. I went to school, something I had once enjoyed, and totally hated college, so I quit. I want to go back, but then there is the issue of "what if I fail again?" I find that I can't find any positivity in life and hold on to it. Stresses me out, stresses my family out, and there is no way anyone else can help. I also have a lot of self hate. That is just who I am and have been since I was about 10. I have anger issues and cannot find a way to solve them, and normally take my anger out on the ones who mean the most to me. Anyways, I am writing a book, and it all sounds so pathetic, so I will stop here.

**sarahlee20** · 02-20-2011 06:38 PM

Your welcome Kel0887. :-) I am glad that i could be somewhat helpful. Please feel free to vent anytime. It's sure feels better to get it all out ( no matter how bad or pathetic you think it sounds). Just at least for your own sanity it's good to get it out to someone. Also it's alot less expensive than talking to a counselor or therapist. At least in my opinion it is. Anyway I am thinking it is also my age as well as yours and my genetics... I just feel stuck in my life and don't know what to do with my life. I don't know if this is how you are feeling as well? My dad suffered from anxiety and the depression throughout his life so maybe it's something I inherited from him? As well as maybe it's genetics in your family as well. He always feared and lived his life with the little "what ifs " in life. I also wrote another tread if you were interested in reading it It's called "depression is running my life and I can't turn it around" It might help you a little. At least i hope so. Hmm it's not good to self hate. :-( Have you tried a counselor or therapist or maybe even anger management? The combination of these may help you ALOT. When do you think this all started? I started feeling differently when my grandma died when I was fourteen. I am 23 now. Ever since then my whole personality changed and hasn't been the same sense. It was my first death so maybe that's what got to me. I don't really know but..That's an even longer story...However I will stop here before I give you my whole life's story. lol Well if you need to talk feel free to talk I am here. Just try to stay positive and keep your head up. keep in touch.

**TigersPrettyBunny** · 02-21-2011 03:34 PM

L-Theanine at your local health store

**kel0887** · 02-21-2011 08:17 PM

thanks girl, I really appreciate it. venting to people who understand that there might not be a reasoning behind the depression seems to help. people who don't suffer from it tell you to suck it up and deal with it, or ask what is wrong constantly and then can't seem to understand that there may be no real reason behind the tears and mood swings. I have felt like this on and off since I was 10...I don't understand it and wish it would change. most the time I feel as if everyone would be better off without me around, and think it would be easier for everyone involved if I would just take myself out of the picture completely. its a rough road.

**kel0887** · 02-21-2011 08:17 PM

what is L-Theanine?

**WildChild** · 02-22-2011 01:32 AM

The L would indicate that it is an amino acid. Why not do a search on it?

**nicolelord2** · 05-18-2011 04:06 AM

Originally Posted by kel0887

I am 23, and seem to have it all. I have family and friends that love me. I have been in a relationship for a little over 4 years, and we haven't had any issues except the little minor issues at the beginning of our relationship. I can't seem to find happiness where there should be happiness. I go through spurts where I don't feel like I am in the right place, and that I have nothing good going for me. I get angry that I can't explain what is going on inside my own head, and my partner sure doesn't get it. Then I get annoyed whenever she asks 15 times in a row what is wrong and I can't explain it. I get aggressive and mean, snotty and rude, and normally that isn't me. Is there anyone that has some suggestions? I have been to counselors and have taken anti depressants, which just make these feelings worse. And the contemplation of suicide is always present. I just don't know what to do.

Just love your self first. Do not panic what ever may be happen, just relax. And if you have any problem you can share with your friends so you feel lightened.