depression and self image

**karennicholls** · 02-28-2011 04:49 AM

Hi

to cut a very long story short i have suffered from depression for a few years and am just about overcoming it now.
As a result of this i have an extremely poor self image. I can't stand the way i look even though i am thin and been told by many people i am a very attractive woman, i just can't see it myself.
I am constantly comparing myself to the "barbies" i see on tv and in magazines and just wish i could be more like them.
I hate it when my boyfriend looks at a woman who i think is typically beautiful. he tells me that its natural for men to look and women and think they are attractive, and i know this is true. He also assures me that i am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and wouldn't change a thing about me.
I just don't know how to come to terms with what i am and lvoe myself for it. I always take great pride in what i wear, how i do my hair and make up etc. I do however, feel like i must wear a mask of make up in order to look remotely pretty.
I just really want to be confident in the way i look and not feel like every time i see an attractive woman that i just have to think "oh i'll never look like her" it gets me down so much

any ideas?

thanks

**rcoreyus** · 03-01-2011 11:01 AM

If your boyfriend says he thinks you are beautiful, then believe him!

I've known a number of beautiful women who thought they weren't because they didn't look like barbie dolls. There is NOT just one standard of beauty - there are many different types of appearance and body types that are beautiful. This isn't just a platitude - consider:

Blond beach-babes.

Dark haired Asian women with beautiful faces.

Healthy athletic women who look fantastic in jeans a a T-shirt.

Tall slender women who look good in leather and driving a Lamborghini. (OK, anyone looks good in a Lamborghini <G>)

Short "cute" women with an irresistible smile.

You can't claim any of these are "more beautiful" than the others - there are many forms of beauty. Your boyfriend thinks you are one of them - so believe him.

If you walk into a room by surprise wearing just lingerie, or nothing - what does his reaction say about how attractive he thinks you are?

**jns** · 03-01-2011 08:23 PM

Absolutely what rc said.

**karennicholls** · 03-02-2011 09:07 AM

thanks for your advice i guess you're right about the different types of beauty i guess its just when you see the kind of women that are "aimed" at men like those in mens mags etc they are your typical barbie doll type of girl.

thanks again

**WildChild** · 03-02-2011 09:50 AM

Work on your self talk. You have to open up to loving yourself no matter what anyone else does. Even men who are crazy about you can say really stupid stuff sometimes. You have to learn to take that as a form of testosterone impairment, not a judgement on you.

Example, paraphrased from a recent convo:
M - "I love your body, it's perfect. I love how natural you are. You're not like one of those living Barbie women who are always worried about their looks and are just so perfect looking with great hair and makeup and perfect bodies. I mean any guy would be happy to have a woman that looked like them. But I just love your little titties they are perfect"

W- "ummm, thank you?"

Sometimes they just don't know when to quit or how to quit when they are ahead.

I mean how many women will pat his beer belly and say, "Wow (you pick, I don't pay attention to actors or sports figures) has a great body! I love that 6 pack and those gluts. Oooo but I just love where you put your 12 packs. Your jelly belly really does it for me."

He'd crawl in a hole and pull it in after him. You wouldn't see a stiffy for weeks, if ever again. But women are supposed to take it with a seductive smile.
You just have to have a sense of humor to deal with men. That's all there is to it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-02-2011 03:22 PM

A man maketh the woman.

It's a great feeling to overcome something and I'm betting that he helped you on your way to that success. Why? Because you believe in him, and his words because they are true from his heart and he means them.

Focus on that...Because that love is for the inner you, the beauty inside and in addition he sees the beauty on the outside...

Believe in him, believe him....Because you will then walk with no makeup and feel beautiful because you are...

I believe I am more beautiful without makeup than with, there's a beauty in natural and not a day goes by that my fiance doesn't show me that he sees me as beautiful.

CW

**karennicholls** · 03-03-2011 02:42 AM

wildchild, thanks that really made me smile!!

chandlers wish thank you too i have seena lot of your posts on the forum and you are very wise.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-03-2011 02:52 AM

Oh trust me WC can be like me, wise and I can be like her, truth and laughter

So are you going to take our advise?

You know you can do it

**karennicholls** · 03-03-2011 08:42 AM

yes i am definately going to try!! i think its just about getting into the right mindset

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-03-2011 01:34 PM

Write a positive affirmation on a post it sticker and place it on your bathroom mirror so you can see it and read it daily

You are right, our minds are very powerful, we just have to "programe" it to think what it is we want it to and that's the direction we will go in

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