Being ashamed of myself bothering me?

**PinkySweet** · 03-06-2011 10:06 PM

Well, first of to make this simple. Ive had sex with 5 men in my lifetime, Im 20....
One of which Im currently with and engaged. Me and him have a beautiful relationship and communicate so well.

Now to the complicated stuff.
Lately Ive been thinking alot and its bothering me, I wish I would have been a virgin when I met this guy, why? Because he truely loves and appreciates me. So Ive been feeling extremely ashamed of myself because the other men Ive slept with before him didnt love me, appreciate me or even see a future with me. Its all really confusing to me.

and Ive been feeling so ashamed of myself that I havent even wanted to have sex in about the last week. Im waiting for my fiance to get home from work so I can talk to him about this, because he should know how I feel and why Ive been disinterested this last week.

I actually feel a little crazy! help.

thanks.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-06-2011 11:46 PM

You know...I'm not sure how to put this, CW lost a little for words, go figure

But, we don't know who the one is until he finds us and us him.

We don't know someone guy we trust isn't really interested in us and will use us, who teaches that?

We don't know that the relationship that we enter into isn't going to be the one, what we are witches and can predict?

Never be ashamed of being you, learning, growing and finding your soul mate...

Never feel guilty he wasn't the first one, because he was the first one to love you and you him...

Sex is exactly that, bonding, intimacy, love is a whole different story...and you have it, so smile and let him know that.

Okay, it flowed, not lost for words after all....

CW

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-07-2011 05:41 AM

You can't change it (history), so get over it. Today!

Was he a vrigin when you met him? Doubt it. Who cares? Really? I'm not trying to offend you, jsut trying to make you see that it doesn't matter.

We've all done things in our past that we would change if you we could. We can't. So we either forgive ourselves and move forward or we allow our history to POISON our future. Do you really want to poison your future with your history?

What's important is that you LOVE the man you're with now and he LOVES you. Nothing else matters....if it does, it's secondary to the love you share.

**PinkySweet** · 03-07-2011 05:45 PM

thanks guys

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-08-2011 03:52 PM

We are not just giving you words to make you feel better

We are speaking from experience mam...

CW

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-08-2011 04:26 PM

It's what happens with age....experience!

This forum is a GREAT place for all that life throws your way and all that you create for yourself.

Keep coming back. There are a whole bunch of amazing people in here, all of whom are willing to help.

**PinkySweet** · 03-08-2011 06:05 PM

ive noticed

**rcoreyus** · 03-08-2011 06:46 PM

I think virginity is very much overrated. If you try to wait for the perfect lifelong partner before you have sex, there are several possible problems: You may find you don't like sex with them - but having no other experience you will never know what you are, or are not missing. The temptation to cheat to find out what it is like with someone else would be very strong. Even if your sex life is very good - you will be always be left wondering if it could have been better or different with someone else.

If you have some experience you will know what you do and don't like, and will know if your partner really is compatible.

FWIW, I'm a guy and it wouldn't matter at all to me if someone was a virgin.

**stressed** · 03-11-2011 05:41 PM

If you hadn't met those men, you wouldn't have learned to appreciate the man you are with. This is what matters.

The importance of virginity dates back from the time when women weren't supposed to have any experience, weren't allowed to choose their partner or even enjoy sex. Society has progressed now and therefore virginity does not have the value it once had. It's nothing more than a word to describe "haven't had sex yet".