He doesn't understand!

**babyworms** · 03-16-2011 12:38 AM

I'm 22 and have recently started to be treated for depression and anxiety issues. However, so far my doctor and i have not found a suitable dosage of medication to normalise my brain function, so i'm just getting worse, and i'm sure that the medication itself is not helping.
I live with my fiance, who is an amazing man (hence why i'm marrying him), but i just can't get him to understand what it is that i'm going through, and why i need his support more now. Because of that lack of understanding, i think he's getting a little freaked out about the whole thing, and withdrawing. He's demanding a lot more alone time, and i often feel that he's avoiding me, mainly by staying up until he knows i've fallen asleep.
It's a dreadful feeling, thinking that the man who you want to spend the rest of your life with can't handle you at your worst... And i'm constantly having anxiety attacks about him being bored/sick of me and deciding he doesn't want to marry me.
He assures me that this is not the case, but he still just doesn't get what's going on, and nothing i say seems to make it any more understandable.

Does anyone have any ideas? He reads a lot of forums, so i suggested he look for a forum for people with partners with mental health issues... does anyone know of any good ones?
Or any tips on how to help him understand what i'm going through... I'm desperate!

**BabyGirl** · 03-16-2011 10:34 AM

Babyworms,

Welcome to the Forum,

You found us, he also can find us and join.
We have men and woman from all walks of life, Singles, Married, Significant others ( SO's).
You can post any question ( read Rules/ Terms/ Conditions)

Maybe you can just take him to this site, read together any threads that may peak yours or his interests. ?

There are so many threads (posts/ subjects) on so mant different things.
Share this site with him. If he wishes to join or Comment, let him know that there are quite a few Men here and they can give a " Mans" point of View. Or experiences.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-16-2011 11:19 AM

Welcome.

Could you talk with your doctor about this, and then perhaps ask your fiance to go to your next apt with you so that your doctor can educate him a bit on what you're going through? It can be REALLY hard for someone who does not experience depression and anxiety issues to even fathom what you go through. I'm one of those people that never understood and when someone would be going through depression I'd think "Geez...shake it off...what a wuss!!" (though I would've never said that). I thought that because I didn't understand. After reading a lot, hearing peoples stories on these forums, I have a much better understanding now and can empathize.

Him withdrawing will only worsen your depression and anxiety. But in fairness to him, this is his life too....and he simply doesn't know how to deal with your situation. Withdrawing is survival for him. He needs to become educated and informed so that he can empathize with you.

**pretzel** · 03-16-2011 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Welcome.

Could you talk with your doctor about this, and then perhaps ask your fiance to go to your next apt with you so that your doctor can educate him a bit on what you're going through? It can be REALLY hard for someone who does not experience depression and anxiety issues to even fathom what you go through. I'm one of those people that never understood and when someone would be going through depression I'd think "Geez...shake it off...what a wuss!!" (though I would've never said that). I thought that because I didn't understand. After reading a lot, hearing peoples stories on these forums, I have a much better understanding now and can empathize.

Him withdrawing will only worsen your depression and anxiety. But in fairness to him, this is his life too....and he simply doesn't know how to deal with your situation. Withdrawing is survival for him. He needs to become educated and informed so that he can empathize with you.

Very well put BD

**babyworms** · 03-16-2011 08:21 PM

thanks everyone!
I know it's his life too, and i'm trying so hard to not put pressure on him to be around alllllllll the time...
I make sure i do let him know as much as i can explain about how i'm feeling about certain situations. It might be a good idea to direct him here

Thanks for your support guys

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-18-2011 03:15 PM

babyworms,

If your Doctor can not work out the dosage, to help you, can you find another Doctor and see what they come up with.

Do you know why you feel so down and out, did something occur for this to happen and if so, when and what, that's your first step and key to beating this....

As hard as it is, we have to in addition make an effort, to get out of it, even if it's briefly, to laugh, hug, and share, with someone we love, ... Each time you make that effort, each time it will occur longer and each time your fiance will see the old you, even briefly and know that he can get you back there.

But, he needs to support you now, not run away from it, but you need to try for him as well, not fall deeper in dispair..

CW