Hi everyone...I'm needing a bit of advice right now.. My boyfriend is depressed and i'm not sure how i can help him through this. Our relationship is long-distance which makes everything extremely difficult.... I can tell that he is very unhappy because i am not there with him. So when i try talking to him about it he blows up at me and becomes extremely depressed. He begins to blame himself for every single little problem, he calls himself stupid and an idiot. He feels unsuccessful, and says that there is no point in living if he doesn't have me with him and he serves no purpose... even though he is successful, has a great job, decent amount of money, sweet, amazing, caring personality. Occasionally he will mention "disappearing" or killing himself and making it look like an accident. I'm not sure if this to just to provoke me into staying with him, or a serious statement but it scares me incredibly so i always have to treat it like a serious thing. His depression has gotten so bad this time that he has stopped eating and sleeping, is working over-time, losing weight and spends the entire time crying to me when we talk. He works way toooo much and is extremely stressed to the maximum which i know is a big factor. In the past he has refused to go to a doctor for any type of help. It has never gotten this bad before but this time i told him he has absolutely no choice, he has to go and he has to stop working so much. I don't know what else i can do. As i said before, it's a long distance relationship right now, so i can't force him to go get help, as i would if i was there. He is extremely sensitive and i really want to be there to support him through this gently as he doesn't have many other people around...I am very worried. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts for me? What can i do or say to him that will help this in the long run?

Thanks for any responses in advance!

He needs to get help as soon as posible. Sounds like he is close to hitting rock bottom and that hurts especialing if you never recover from it. if you can tell him that you love him and that you dont know how he feels or what he is going through but you are there for him none the less i have to have the same talk to my mother who is going through depression right now.
have him make some goals start out easy and work his way up they will give him a feeling of accomplishment and help him. he also needs to let go of his dependency of you. I have finaly got to the point where if my husband where to die unexpectedly i think i would be able to live my life again and not go insain with my own greif. If you have any more questions I am always willing to help answer what i can. its something that helps me deal with my past and also gives me that feeling of accomplishment.
good luck and god bless

I was once told that depression can be compared to with waves. The negative feelings can be expressed in small ways and then build into these out of control heart wrenching situations. If your boyfriend talks of "disappearing" then he has thoughts of suicide. Just like he pushes himself physically and neglects himself-the thoughts of suicide will never go away. You should really try to get a friend or family member to help him find help. I know that in a way you might be enabling him by trying to get someone to help him make an appointment and even accompany him to the appointment but sometimes people with depression just need help and they won't have the will to do it themselves. Sometimes the simplest of tasks such as making and appointment and going to it can be overwhelming. He may have one or two good days in between the hard times but it sounds like you want to support him. Don't beat yourself up either because you are in a long distance relationship. You care for him enough to write for advice. He needs to see a psychiatrist and get on some form of medication and express his thoughts in order to get better. You are trying your best with what you have and that trait is very commendable. I hope I've shed some light on the situation and my prayers are with you. If you need anything-let me know. God Bless

Thank you so much for your comments.. It really helps. Right now he is on a high... really happy. Says he's going to start a routine so he's not working so much and is getting more time to sleep, eat and take care of himself. I made him promise to make an appointment to go see a doctor, so he says he's going next week. I'm relieved that he's feeling better, but i understand that it's just temporary. It's exactly like you said... it comes in waves. Every month or so we go through this... he hits a low and is completely depressed but then a week after.. he's on top of the world and so happy with life. It's frustrating for me because i wish he was this happy all the time. Anyway, right now i'm just trying to be supportive for him and encouraging him to talk about it and get some help. I think that admitting there's a problem and talking about it openly is a big thing. That can be really hard to admit, especially for a guy i think... So we will see how this appointment goes. I will try to think of some goals i could get him to work on. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

I hope he goes ahead and gets the help he needs.

Sam, if worse comes to worse, if I were you, I'd call the EMS and tell them this man is talking of harming himself and to please help him!
They'll come out there and he'll be admitted into a psyche unit so that he'll be forced to get help. Period.

But, at this point, since you say he's doing better and has a reduced-work schedule and has some goals made, just keep a close watch on the situation.

Does his family where he is know that he's been feeling this way and going through this? If not, please make them aware. They are physically closer to him than you are, so if something should happen, they'll need to be aware of it -- even to the point of necessary hospitalization.
When the hospital staff asks questions, they will need to know this.

I really feel for you, its so difficult being far away and feeling powerless by not being there to help when he's suffering.

I've experienced a similar situation with a boyfriend who was living overseas for 12 months and I would worry so much after I'd speak to him, he'd be so upset and I really couldn't be there to comfort him.

If it gets really bad, I think you should make the decision to go and be with him, even if it?s just for a few days. Something that helped our relationship was that I went and visited him for 4 weeks. It took months of planning, but in those months it gave us both something to focus on and the problems and the pain where somewhat lessened.

Having said that, your boyfriend does sound like he needs professional help and its great if he is seeing someone. If he doesn't have friends or family around him it can be very isolating and a cause of why he is so down at the moment. Money, career should never come at the expensive of personal happiness and what's the point if you are just going to be miserable? Maybe he needs help evaluating what he really wants and what will make him happy. It?s very difficult on you I hope you have support around you as well.

Good luck!