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Thread: I'm Against Her Breast Reduction

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    Default I'm Against Her Breast Reduction

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    Help, (THIS IS LONG! BARE WITH ME)

    My girlfriend and I are at odds over her desire to have a breast reduction. She's had the desire for quite some time, but with me, I have helped put her in a position to where it can truly be possible. I feel so shallow and little because I am TOTALLY against it, but, at the same time, I feel I'm being very honest and supportive. Here's the situation.

    My girlfriend is a knockout. A solid 10. Heck, maybe an 11 out of 10. Not rated just by me, but by all of her and my friends and family included agree. She does not. She feels she is average at best and her huge breasts are what are skewing the poll. She is a 5'5", 135 pounds, and 34F (34DDD). PERFECT! Man, I prayed for this perfection. Her breasts are perky and have no sag whatsoever and, to boot, perfect huge areolae! I really think GOD Himself was showing off when sculpting her. Lovely! She differs. For example, this is a little thing but, she believes that her breasts do not sit as high as they need to, so, one day I measured where she wants and thinks she needs to be "in her eyes" and compared it to where they actually are right now and found that the difference was a matter of a few mere centimeters, BUT, that's not the issue here at all. The issue is purely the size. She's not trying to get the perfect breasts by any means. She just wants to be quite a bit smaller and "normal" as she puts it. It is a pain to find clothing that fits up top and at the bottom. She almost always has to either make adjustments or wear the wrong sized tops- too big but covers or too small and a little more out.

    She started to get these perfect gems of mother nature at an early age, like 13. It has been the object of ridicule, gawking, staring and what she believes has defined how people think of her. She cried just the other day when she came down the stairs and her mother remarked that her breasts looked so perky and then immediately said she was so very beautiful. I agree, she is beautiful. That's all I heard. Her mom remarked how the sun was glimmering off her and she was so gorgeous. I agreed, but the fact that her mom had remarked about her breasts just reiterates to her that people she that first and not really her. She does not believe that her beauty would be the case without them. To me that's just part of her beauty. She would simply be a very fit and very pretty person without them, probably still beautiful but not DEFINITELY beautiful with the entire package. It's like a body builder Swarzennegger asking if he could be Mr. Olympia without the perfect chest, He would still be very sculpted but to be perfect needs the big pecks. Kinda same thing to me.

    Also, there is the issue of some lower back pain. I am not here trying to diminish the effects of large breasts on the lower back with her. I KNOW that it exists, she has it, and the breast size contributes wholeheartedly to it. Where we differ is that I believe that it's not the only contributing factor. There are other very damaging effects on the lower back other than the breast size that needs to be corrected before talking reduction. I am totally against evasive surgery like that and I don't know if I don't know if I can really like the scarring and altered breasts. It's just the same to me as if I was with someone who got enhancements. It's just not something I like. I really like who you are EXACTLY as you are. I also know that it's NOT my body and I don't have to endure the pain (mental and physical), but, I am willing to make every effort in any way emotionally, physically, financially, etc. to help mitigate this pain with all shorts of different methods other than reduction.

    For one, she lifts quite incorrectly. I've been working with her with lifting properly. Her posture is off and causes damage. I can get and finance massages and therapy to help ease the pain as MUCH and often as possible. I will do ANYTHING, except the reduction. I have bought her THE RIGHT SIZE bras and better support. Eased the shoulder straps. I help with clothing selection. I help with getting them altered which is a HUGE surprise and plus to her. I tell her it's like having a size 15 shoe. It requires a little more work and I am willing to put in that work FOREVER!

    Here's where I need the help. Am I just flat-out wrong? The 34F is a huge breast like carrying melons literally all day long. I know it is, but she's been doing it for 2 decades already. Having them has not depilatory to her in any way. She functions works, exercises, etc without issue.

    I believe the mental side of having men stare, people gawk, friends make fun and compliment BOTH, just conversation about them at all has worn on her psyche and THAT combined with any lower back pain has her wanting more than ever to get rid of them, while I'm sitting here NOT wanting that at all. I have been honest with her to tell her that I don't honestly think I will like it if it's done. It could really change how I feel about her. Am I wrong for that or do I lie and say, yeah, everything will be alright? I am definitely and WILL help her through the surgery if she decides to proceed. I cannot guarantee afterward.

    Signed,
    Got It All, Want to Keep It All

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    jns
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    I feel for her. I'm sure that this decision was not made lightly. Most women who have breasts that are that large have back pain according to every story I have ever read on similar situations. If the surgery helps her self image it could be good. Has she gone to counseling on this. She may think that this will cure all problems, but it may not.
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    I'm sorry, despite all your protestations to the contrary I think your sign off says it all.

    This can be a touchy issue and in our overly breast conscious society her sensitivity is understandable. It sounds like her family is very breast conscious, to an extreme. What you describe her mother saying, I find bizarre. No one in my world greets anyone by telling them their breasts look perky or by commenting on their breasts. That is flat out strange.

    Yes posture and correct lifting are important, as are correctly fitted bras. Bras are rarely, if ever, actually comfortable. Even those of us who are small busted eventually feel the effects of gravity. The larger the breast, the heavier it is, the more it will eventually sag. There just isn't enough muscle there to support much. So those "perfect gems" won't stay so perfect.

    Aside from waxing poetic about her perfect perky breasts and 11 looks, you have said nothing about loving HER, who SHE is, her intelligence, her talents, how much fun you have together, are teaching her to lift property and adjusting bra straps all that you do together? How would you honestly feel about continuing the relationship if she went in for a consultation, they found a lump and proceeded to remove one or both of those perfect perky breasts ?
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+)APRIL 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array ItsASecret's Avatar
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    She would simply be a very fit and very pretty person without them, probably still beautiful but not DEFINITELY beautiful with the entire package.
    It could really change how I feel about her
    So she would be beautiful no matter what because she is simply a beautiful woman but not that beautiful simply because she would have smaller breasts, which would still be larger than average? So perfection means the larger the better? Did I read that right? You would feel different about her simply because her breasts would go down to a size she would like and yet still be larger than average?
    There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    I'm sorry, despite all your protestations to the contrary I think your sign off says it all.

    This can be a touchy issue and in our overly breast conscious society her sensitivity is understandable. It sounds like her family is very breast conscious, to an extreme. What you describe her mother saying, I find bizarre. No one in my world greets anyone by telling them their breasts look perky or by commenting on their breasts. That is flat out strange.

    Yes posture and correct lifting are important, as are correctly fitted bras. Bras are rarely, if ever, actually comfortable. Even those of us who are small busted eventually feel the effects of gravity. The larger the breast, the heavier it is, the more it will eventually sag. There just isn't enough muscle there to support much. So those "perfect gems" won't stay so perfect.

    Aside from waxing poetic about her perfect perky breasts and 11 looks, you have said nothing about loving HER, who SHE is, her intelligence, her talents, how much fun you have together, are teaching her to lift property and adjusting bra straps all that you do together? How would you honestly feel about continuing the relationship if she went in for a consultation, they found a lump and proceeded to remove one or both of those perfect perky breasts ?
    I understand. Her maternal side all have large breasts. Her and her mom have that type of relationship. It's not strange, but if you don't know, it could be strange. I have no need to comment on all of the other perfect things about her. I MOST DEFINITELY love her and I, intentionally, left that out to see if me not wanting her to have breast reduction and my reasons automatically means to some I don't love her or I don't love her enough. I believe it does not. It seems it's easier and often some women encourage the lie to say, well, it won't bother me one bit and I'll still love you then they break up and cheat anyway instead of being honest up front.

    Most definitely if she found a lump or, heck, lost one or both or an arm, I would still love and find her beautiful. This is where we disagree. I do not believe that the surgery for reduction compares to a life saving thing as a potentially cancerous lump. I believe the issue can be handled without surgery, but that's me. I have no medical license.

    My girlfriend will attest to my love. It's my honesty, she loves a lot.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsASecret View Post
    So she would be beautiful no matter what because she is simply a beautiful woman but not that beautiful simply because she would have smaller breasts, which would still be larger than average? So perfection means the larger the better? Did I read that right? You would feel different about her simply because her breasts would go down to a size she would like and yet still be larger than average?
    Yes, almost. As I wrote above, I don't like the scarring. Also, no surgery is perfect. What about reductions gone wrong? I read the forum a lot and I have read many surgeries gone wrong and not accomplishing what is set out for in the first place, so the option of more and more surgeries is not appealing. Plus, no matter how may ways you can put it, when a person changes, they change; meaning, you may say it's a simple reduction, but the outcome sould be a change in who the person is for the good, BUT, you gotta give me this, for the bad, too. Too much risk.

    Sorry, I don't like it for what it's worth. So, for what it's worth, yes, I will feel differently, but so will she afterward. It's not fair to say that I have to stay the same when she changes as well or is it?

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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+)APRIL 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array ItsASecret's Avatar
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    Also, no surgery is perfect. What about reductions gone wrong? I read the forum a lot and I have read many surgeries gone wrong and not accomplishing what is set out for in the first place, so the option of more and more surgeries is not appealing.
    There are certainly complications that can occur but they do not go at this procedure with a hack saw and hope that the scar is minimal. They use precision cuts and can now make such minimal scarring that oftentimes it is not even noticeable. They also cut under the breast so unless you are lifting there is less chance of even seeing a scar if it even occurs.


    Plus, no matter how may ways you can put it, when a person changes, they change; meaning, you may say it's a simple reduction, but the outcome sould be a change in who the person is for the good, BUT, you gotta give me this, for the bad, too. Too much risk.
    A person changing for appearance reason to benefit them and a person say "no way you took away the huge breasts that I love so much so I no longer see you the same way" is not the same as a person changing their behavior (good or bad). Adhering to vanity and liking a person because of vanity can create resentment, your gf cries when focus is placed on her breasts...that is vanity obsession by other people and not seeing the real her only what she looks like. Have you told your gf that if she gets a reduction, even if it is for her own health reasons, that you will not see her the same way because she no longer has abnormally large breasts?-abnormal means away from the norm/average. Thereby placing emphasis, whether you intend to or not, that her breasts are a real reason you love her?


    It's not fair to say that I have to stay the same when she changes as well or is it?
    You should love her no matter what her body looks like, reduction yet still very large breasts or not. Saying that as soon as she does something like a reduction to benefit her health you will not feel the same could really hurt her. Girls want their men to appreciate them no matter how they look, and yes you do love her but you have to support her in her decisions. Yes you can like very large breasts but that should not equate how you feel about her, and you saying that you will just feel different about her simply because she is of smaller size just does not sound like you are putting focus on her...the woman you love...but by your words it sounds like you are putting more focus on the fact that she has very very large breasts and you just want to keep them around because you love large breasts.
    There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

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    I also know that it's NOT my body and I don't have to endure the pain (mental and physical
    At first, I stopped when I got to this statement because quite frankly, you are correct. Your JOB, as a loving partner, is to support HER...period! You may not agree but IT'S NOT YOUR BODY!!


    Until you come around and realize the error of your ways, you are part of the problem and NOT the solution IMO.

    FTR - My ex-wife was equally as busty as your GF, developed at age 12, lived with similar mental torment and lower back problems until I SUPPORTED her desire to get a reduction and wrote the check (not covered at all by insurance) for her to get it done.

    It CHANGED HER LIFE !!

    Think about that.....
    Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 04-09-2011 at 03:43 PM. Reason: statement not factual and not an opinion

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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsASecret View Post
    they do not go at this procedure with a hack saw and hope that the scar is minimal.
    I am well versed on the procedure. it will not be the first one that I have seen, witnessed, or been through first hand. No surgery is without risk.

    Have you told your gf that if she gets a reduction, even if it is for her own health reasons, that you will not see her the same way because she no longer has abnormally large breasts?-abnormal means away from the norm/average. Thereby placing emphasis, whether you intend to or not, that her breasts are a real reason you love her?

    You should love her no matter what her body looks like,
    Wow. I guess I don't love her then. I guess I'm just with her for her breasts. That's absurd to me, but I will accept it because I will love her either way. Being with her and living with something I don't like is a different thing. One thing that I know is this: You can love someone without being with someone. What I appreciate most in your post is that you used "abnormal" to mean not the average or norm AND like I tell her all the time that it's not a bad thing or defect as she thinks it is. Just like having a size 15 shoe. That doesn't make you a freak of nature. More on my next comment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice View Post
    At first, I stopped when I got to this statement because quite frankly, you are correct. Your JOB, as a loving partner, is to support HER...period! You may not agree but IT'S NOT YOUR BODY!!

    (edit)
    Until you come around and realize the error of your ways, you are part of the problem and NOT the solution IMO.

    FTR - My ex-wife was equally as busty as your GF, developed at age 12, lived with similar mental torment and lower back problems until I SUPPORTED her desire to get a reduction and wrote the check (not covered at all by insurance) for her to get it done.

    It CHANGED HER LIFE !!

    Think about that.....
    If you read my post, you will see that I am willing to help my girlfriend through hers as well with OUR money just the same. What's mine is hers. The money ain't even the issue at all.

    (edit)

    You say I'm part of the problem. The problem is not me. The problem is society telling her (with the large breasts) and her opposites (with the very small breasts) that there is something "wrong" with them in the first place. They are apart of who she is and she should not be ashamed of them and embrace who GOD made her to be. She is absolutely beautiful and I'll be the self-centered boob man because guess what. She's got the perfect boobs and I'm NOT ashamed of saying I want EXACTLY what she has. You won't see me gawking at anyone else's chest because very few people have what I have.

    I do appreciate the feedback and I'm listening.
    Thanks all.
    Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 04-09-2011 at 03:47 PM. Reason: Personal attack

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