Why do looks matter?

**YourLullaby** · 05-14-2011 09:08 AM

For the last 6 months the feeling of ugliness has taken over. I honestly think that when it comes to other people that, everyone is beautiful but i can not apply this to myself. I feel completly worthless and don't see why anyone could love me (which is taking its toll on my relationship with my boyfriend of two years and also the relationship with my friends). Why do looks matter? Why should being ugly lead to having less of a life?

**MarkT** · 05-14-2011 09:18 AM

It only will bother you if you let it. Don't let it get into your mind and get back into life! Beautiful can be ugly to the bone and Ugly can be beautiful to the bone. It's a 2 sided mirror, if you have a boyfriend of 2 years and he loves you and he thinks you are beautiful- then who cares what others think? Love yourself and be glad you are who you are. Don't let your mind beat you up!

**leahbia_83008** · 05-14-2011 12:38 PM

i agree with mark . . . looks only matter if you let them. & if you have a boyfriend of 2 years tht loves you and thinks your beautiful, does it rly matter wht everyone else thinks? do you think your opinions on your body image may be exaggerated? i have been doing some research on BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) & it is a lot more common than i think ppl realize. you can learn more about it here: *removed outbound link*

i hope this helps . . . & remember: beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes all the way down to the bone.

**Mes T** · 05-14-2011 04:34 PM

YourLullaby, what's happened in your life to bring these thoughts on? If you can tell us, then maybe we can help figure out what the root of the problem is. Because I seriously doubt this stems from your actual looks.

Beauty is relative. I think Lily Cole is gorgeous yet my boyfriend thinks she looks like a warped alien.

**spurzzz** · 05-15-2011 04:19 AM

First of all your contradicting yourself because you are in a relationship for the last 2 years so obviously someone loves you.

Is your partner abusive at all? Maybe his negative comments are the reason, as you say for the last 6 months......?

What do you think ugly is? What makes you think that you are ugly.....something must have bought that on.....a negative comment somewhere or personal insecurities from childhood. Think where this negative useless thought came from and get the help needed to sort your negative attittude out.

Improving your self confidence seems a natural solution but perhaps the onslaught of depression may make you think to see you doctor about some professional therapy that may help with the attitude that you are having now.

Oh and don't delay this ----- get help/improve yourself as soon as possible!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-15-2011 04:45 AM

Each poster has good, very good points here.

Why should being ugly lead to having less of a life?

Why would someone feel ugly unless someone, somewhere has made them feel that way?

I am old, but what do you see when you see my photo?

At 17? I thought I was not attractive, ugly is a strong word... At 21 I saw myself in the mirror and realised whom ever made me feel that? Kids at school? Jealous? Family trying to make me be me, not up myself, whom ever, were wrong and the thing is? It's skin deep whom loves you? You, whom sees you as the inner person, others when you show them.

CW

**Mes T** · 05-15-2011 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

At 17? I thought I was not attractive, ugly is a strong word... At 21 I saw myself in the mirror and realised whom ever made me feel that? Kids at school? Jealous? Family trying to make me be me, not up myself, whom ever, were wrong and the thing is? It's skin deep whom loves you? You, whom sees you as the inner person, others when you show them.

CW

Ooh this hits home!

Same story for me as well.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-15-2011 02:18 PM

I've struggled with my looks, my self-esteem for as long as I can remember and still continue to struggle. I've been frumpy and overweight.. and thought if only I was some skinny blonde... I would feel better about myself. I worked my butt off and got skinny, yep even dyed the hair blonde... I have round perky boobs, abs, and get plenty of attention from men. I still pick myself apart everytime I look in the mirror. I will never be good enough for me.

I've realized only recently that its not the outer appearance that needs fixing when you feel bad about your looks. I thought conquering everything I thought was wrong about me would make me naturally feel better inside but it didn't, it hasn't. Its just made me look for more things wrong with me. And even if those were no longer an issue... I'd surely find something else wrong. Its my insides that need the make-over.

Some of the most beautiful women I know would never be on the cover of a cosmopolitan magazine.. but they know their worth and how it isn't wrapped up in what they look like, but who they are... and it shines... and people gravitate to it. And its awesome. I don't know that I will ever be that woman, but I want to be.

I want to look at the mirror and feel good about what I see... no matter whats reflecting back at me. But I know that its going to be a long process to get there, if I ever do. But I try day by day... to love myself a little more... for things that have nothing to do with my outsides.

External beauty fades, internal beauty transends the physical body... and is infinate.

**kristalyn_04** · 05-15-2011 04:12 PM

Looks are subjective, and it only matters if you think it matters dear. Only you can change the way you think about things and how you view yourself, others will pick up on it. If they don't, well that's their problem.

**YourLullaby** · 05-19-2011 08:38 AM

Thank you very much for all your support.
Thank you very much for all your support.

It helps to know that i am not the only one who feels this way and how everyone else has over come this.

No my partner abusive at all, i fact he has been really supportive but 7 months ago we almost broke up and i think could have contributed to how i am feeling.

When i was growing up, i was badly bullied - although by looks were never the main focus. However their has always been at one person critical of my looks, recently an ex boyfriend.

Admittedly i will probably need to go to the doctor as i think i could have BDD.