Thread: Is this rape?

I feel strongly that this was rape. But whether other people on this forum would consider it rape is not important. What is important is how you feel about it and if you feel you were raped. Do you feel you were violated, taken advantage of, or made to have sex against your will? Because of the fact that you are even questioning whether or not it was rape, makes me think you feel like this was not right and you didn't like it. My best advice is for you to talk to someone about your experience so you can sort through all your feelings about it. You could even get some advice on how to proceed with legal action against this person should you chose to pursue that. There are rape crisis centers in many cities, and I'm sure there is one near you. These are completely confidential, so you can feel safe telling them anything. If you don't want to go in person, most rape crisis centers have a hotline that you can call and talk to somone on the phone. You can Google rape crisis centers in your area to find one or here is the number to the National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE. I hope this helps you. Take care of yourself.

I had a very similar situation. I was 20 and dating a guy I knew throughout high school. I was still a virgin and he was not. I made it clear to him in the beginning of our relationship, that I waiting for the right time and when I was ready. Well one day we went back to his place after we've had some to drink and started fooling around. The next thing I know he is on top of me and inserted his penis inside my vagina. I told him "no we can't do this" and he said okay and took it out. Then he put it back in and I again said "No we can't do this, especially if you don't have a condom" and so he pulled it back out and we stopped everything. He then went to sleep.

I blamed myself for many years after that (I am 25 now) saying that I didn't come out and say "no", but yes...I did. It doesn't have to be a clear "NO" in order to get your point across. If I said "No we can't do this" it should have put a hault to everything, because it clearly says I did not give him consent. You got raped, just how I did, but he did it in a way that made it seem like it was your fault for not making things clear. Don't blame yourself. It was the creep who couldnt take no for an answer and had to do it anyway.

I hope you were on birth control since you mentioned he came. If not, please get the plan B. You can get them from any pharmacy.

Maybe I feel more bitter about it because it was my virginity and had NO intensions of having sex anytime soon. I took pride in the fact that I was 20 and still a virgin and I said no several times (i think even 3 times i said it). Idk...some of you may not consider it rape, but i sure as heck felt like it was!!! I broke up with him the next day.

To me it was rape. Perhaps your actions were not the best actions, especially considering you were impaired. I don't know if he was impaired or not. Anyway, you said you didn't want to. Not only did you say you didn't want to do so, you said you didn't want to do it without a condom. He continued his actions and did not use a condom. You may have not known what to do about him performing sexual acts on you because you were impaired. You couldn't think clearly. No matter what, his actions are not excusable. You were in no condition to consent out right. His actions are not your fault. He knows right from wrong as well as you do. BTW, I was raped when I was fifteen. You are not responsible for other people's actions. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It is understandable why you would be so confused; especially if you feel some blame for it. You are not responsible for his actions, even if someone thinks you were leading him on.

First things first, if he came inside you and you have no intentions of getting pregnant, do what you can as soon as possible to prevent a pregnancy. A lot of health departments offer morning after pills and/or go have a chit chat with your GYN. At least have that chit chat.

Second, whether it was rape or not does not matter before you decide if you are going to do something about it. If the answer is no, then is doesn't matter if he raped you or not. If you decide that you will be doing something about it, speak to your GYN and your local police department and go from there. Tell them the story and ask them what your options are.

Now, rape isn't just a legal issue. It's a mental issue. You could be told that legally you weren't raped, but mentally you still think you were. That's an issue entirely of itself that will need to be dealt with. Again, I recommend you speak with your GYN about it and they most certainly can help you out, or point you in the right direction.

Good luck.