Thread: Is this rape?

We've has some discussion before about this type of situation.
Was he equally drunk?
In my mind (and I have been raped) you cannot use alcohol to excuse your failure to be clear as to what you wanted, unless he can equally use the same excuse for failing to understand your consent or lack of it.

I think that as a society we need to get to a state of mind that sexual relations require clear consent (that means saying, "yes") rather than a lack of a forceful,"No". The current attitude with things like fraternity members parading on campus chanting, "No means Yes", is not an environment calculated to respect women's sexuality or consent. But then it hasn't been for several thousand years. As a mother of both a daughter and a son and having been gang raped myself as a young teen, I am very concerned about how our society approaches this issue. Some women who have been raped have been vilified but many men have been falsely accused as well. It's a land mine.

Back to your question, were you raped? I can't say, I don't know what really transpired. Did you say, "No, not without a condom", and then go back to engaging in behavior that it could be argued that he, especially with his judgement equally impaired, would interpret as consent? You have to own your responsibility in the situation, that doesn't mean his behavior is excusable, but neither is yours.

I feel very strongly against rape. But I also have personally seem cases of men whom I feel were clearly railroaded and have had their lives and their families lives ripped to shreds by a woman who doesn't even really remember what happened or who is embarrassed at what she did. This is a very touchy area. Without better information, which it doesn't sound like you are really, honestly, able to provide. Saying you, "went along with it" because you were, "not in a clear state of mind" puts you on shaky ground. I don't think anyone can say if you were raped. You were clearly not in a condition to consent, but was he in a condition to recognize consent? Why did you put yourself in this position? Personally I do not regard voluntary alcohol or drug use as an out for unacceptable behavior by either gender. For women to achieve the respect and equality we have struggled for, for so long ,we have to act with respect for ourselves and with responsibility. People should be able to walk naked down the street unmolested, but we aren't there yet.
Was he wrong? Yes
Were you wrong? Yes
Was one of you more wrong that the other? There isn't enough information to say.

All that aside, get in and get tested, take care of your immediate health and quit drinking or getting high.