Depressed? Obsessed? bi-polar?

**Ruthy** · 06-06-2011 05:01 PM

Hello,

Im not sure if Im any of the things mentioned in my title, but im currious.

As of right now I am living with my boyfriend and his father. I left my parents house about a year ago. Both me an my boyfriend lived at my parents for a while but my boyfriend wanted to move out. He doesnt like my parents that much. Pretty much since ive moved in, ive been trying to get out. I Hate living here. Its a mans house, there hasnt been a women in here for over 15 yrs, its run down, my boyfriends dad never has the furnace on in the winter, the hot water tank keeps blowing, so when I want to have a hot shower.. I cant.

Ive been longing for over a year now to move. I just dont have the money for it. Ive been applying for jobs since Oct of '10 but nothing yet ( I have a part time job right now but I need something full time). I get really frusterated with everything sometimes and cry. My boyfriend doesnt think im being fair. This is his house he grew up in and I tell him how much I hate it everyday (Which I have stopped doing)

I am trying so hard to leave but it seems that Im maybe trying to hard. I dont know. I cant tell If Im depressed or not. I am happy when Im not at home, or when Im out in the garden during the summer but as soon as I get stuck inside, I feel trapped i guess.

I cant move back to my parents house because my boyfriend wont go with me. Ive been living with him too long to just leave like that.

I really do love this boy. things have been uneasy latley and I have had thoughts of leaving him. But I want it to work. He gets mad really easy (But hes not physical, he just wont talk to me for a while) He thinks I should beable to read his mind, but oviously I cant. I think he may be bi-polar, One minute hes fine, the next hes had a complete mood swing. I he also has abandonment issues, I know this. I think he knows we have to move out, but hes too comfortable where he is. He works for his dad, he works the hours he wants, when he wants. I dont know

I dont know if anyone can tell me if Im too obssessed with leaving that its ruining my happyness, or if Im depressed, or what?

**LanaBear** · 06-06-2011 05:47 PM

I know this probably isn't the suggestion you want, but why not move back in with your parents. He can stay with his dad but until the two of you can afford to move out on your own and out of environments that one of you or both of you don't like, you don't need to stay in a place that makes you unhappy.

Tell him that you feel that you are not happy living there and the two of you need to work at getting your own place, but until then you need to move back in with your parents where you feel comfortable.

Maybe that will give him some incentive to get his butt in gear and move toward your own independence as a couple?

He is comfortable and being comfortable, he's not going to make the effort unless you take the first step. Go back to your home. Be happy, life is too short to not be.

Welcome to the forum!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-06-2011 06:06 PM

I don't think he should get mad at you, ignore you.

You moved for him, up-rooted your life for him sweet, he has abandonment issues, he works for his dad the hours he wants to, he wanted to live in that comfort zone and he expects you not to complain and to live like this, sometimes cold, un-able to have a shower, nothing femine around the home, just being.

You've sacrificed ask yourself, would he do that for you? Can he not see how un-happy you are, the gardens, the sun, that's life and you love life but you are not living one.

I agree with Lana, move back home, true love? He will work out a way to be with you, near you or compromise.

You are around negativity and you need positive things to happen in your life, otherwise, you will get depressed and sink further and further...

CW

**Ruthy** · 06-06-2011 06:14 PM

Thanks guys. Its really hard just to leave though, Im scared he may leave, or sstart to think im cheating on him (which I wont, im not that type of girl).

When his mother left his father it was because he father wouldent move out of his house, and because he always accused her of cheating on him (even though she never did) I dont want this to happen between me and my BF. I dont even know if this is how my BF thinks, But I dont want him to turn out like his dad.
His brother got out. Hes living in OZ right now makin tones of money. I need him to see that too (His mother is trying to help me with this)

I will mention to him about moving out though. It may turn out better then Im thinking it will

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-06-2011 06:20 PM

Where in Aussie Land did he go ? I am an Aussie.

People can mimic their parents and they can also be complaicant...

It's good that his Mother is there for you, but you know? You can gently lead a horse to water, but you can not change someone unless they want to.

I would stop fretting that he thinks like someone else in his family, we are all individuals.

I think he needs to "see" the sacrifices that you have made and believe in the "two" of you..

CW

**Ruthy** · 06-06-2011 06:24 PM

I think he moved to a place called margret river or something along those lines. Hes a chef at a restaurant.

I worry way too much about everything lol

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-06-2011 08:58 PM

Victoria, country region, wineries everywhere

Yes, I believe that you do

However, when you aren't happy you need to share that and find ways to make you happy huh..

CW

**Ruthy** · 06-06-2011 09:30 PM

I think his brother told him he bought a shack for 60 grand or something on the beach he was going to fix up. I want to move to Oz so bad. I know I cant though cuz getting a visa for longer than a year is super hard