Gets angery easily

**Ruthy** · 06-12-2011 09:01 PM

Okay, I know this quote has probably been use a thousand times, and the writer usally means themself and not somone else, but I am acually writing on behalf of a friend.

There is this lady at work (about 31ish) and she says that her husband gets mad realy easily. (now Im not sure the whole story but this is all the info shes given me)

She says ever since her hubby was young he would get really angery at small things. Anything from his sister borrowing something or a door being left open, he would just get set off. She says that even to this day get mad at her for no reason. (its not as bad as it used to be though) He admits to it (Only when confronted later on) and he knows he is mad over nothing, but he says he cant help it. He says he just gets this feeling of anger over welming him. Hes told her that hes asked him self why hes mad sometimes, but other times hes just blinded hes so mad. Hes never been physically abusive to her. She says when she leaves the room, or if shes not in the room he will punch the wall, or throw something. But never at her.

He has a problem with opening up to people aswell. She says when he was young his brother would tell him that their father never loved him (im guessing they were divorced and her hubby was with the mum and the brother was with the dad). She thinks this may partake in this problem.

She says be fine one minurte, laughing jokeing way, then the next she may say something or maybe take the joke a little too far, and he goes from being completly happy to being a total grump.

(Ive told her my boyfriend is similar. My bf gets mad easily, and wont talk to me for hours but I dont think its the same thing)

I would like to also add, that when he gets mad at her for no reason, he has a legitamit reason in his head.
Could anyone give me any insight on this.. is there something wrong mentaly?

**Mes T** · 06-12-2011 10:14 PM

Sounds like anger management issues, and you're right it could stem from his childhood, the way he was raised...

He should probably consider counseling to help keep this under control.

Why are you asking? Does this woman at work need help?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-13-2011 09:34 AM

I agree with Mes. The obvious would be either A. anger management issues or B. He's truly just not happy in the relationship and is making excuses for his behavior.

I tend to lean more toward A.

It must be terrible living on pins and needles all the time. I dated a guy once briefly (thankfully only briefly) that was like that, and it turned out he had a pain pill addiction. When I was around he couldn't do it (because he was hiding it from me), so he'd pick a fight over something totally silly so he could get me out of his hair to drug up. Could be something as simple as I cooked the sausage more than he preferred, or didn't hang his pants in the right direction on the hanger.

You and your friend both should seriously consider the way you're allowing yourselves to be treated......

**Ruthy** · 06-13-2011 02:23 PM

Im asking because I told her about this forum and how you could ask pretty much anything about men or women. She doesnt have the internet at home, and this site is blocked at work so she couldent make an account.

She asked me to ask for her to see what people had to say, and maybe see if there was anything she could do.

**Ruthy** · 06-13-2011 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

You and your friend both should seriously consider the way you're allowing yourselves to be treated......

Im currently working on that. I usally just brush it off beacuse I know its stupid, but my bf and I have been talking about alot of things lately and were workin on his anger issues. As for my friend, I think if things are as bad as shes making it out to seems, theres real problems there. I feel bad for her because it ruins her day, shell come to work in the worstest (if thats a word lol) of moods.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-14-2011 05:07 PM

It takes alot of work to love yourself and not worry if someone else did not love you, in your childhood, that's them and you are you.

It's obviously very deep seeded in him, pertaining to his father. Most little boys need and want their father, to teach them fishing, how to change a tire, play baseball with them, anything....

You should suggest to her that she sit down with him instead of "his brother said" talk to him about his childhood, what it was like growing up, let him re-live it I guess to a degree, as he needs to get all this "bottled up" anger out of himself...

Your friend walks on eggshells, forget her mood, she is constantly walking on eggshells when is he going to break again? And, when it happens and she knows he's going to punch something she probably cringes, worries that one day it will be her face...

If she can get him to open up and talk about it, then she can add closure by constantly letting him know that we can't choose our parents but we can choose who we are and so what if we weren't loved enough, we can give that now to everyone, and therefore not be like that person who didn't show it to us....

People have reasons why they can't show love, and people that say "he didn't love you" usually want to put you down, how does he know? He's not his Father...He probably felt it to and stated that to make himself feel loved...

Somehow every parent in their own way do love their children whether they show it or not, whether they have so many issues in their own lives therefore, they don't "care" to love, deep inside the day he was born he would have been loved.

It is more to do with that person's life and what they are going through themselves as to what they can and can not give.

Your friend also knew of this anger the first few months of being with him as did you I am sure, but again unless you two girls love yourself and realise your own worth you will accept things that should not be acceptable.

CW

**Ruthy** · 06-14-2011 07:05 PM

Thanks CW
Your so wise. I will pass this on.

As for me I had a talk with my boyfriend. I told him how I felt and feel. He told me he didnt relize that this was how I felt and he is going to try to help. (I know Im giving him a second chance, but this will be the last) We are going to work on his anger, his selfish ness, and how he acts towards me. He has already taken some big steps (in only a few days) but we will see how long that lasts.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-18-2011 03:32 PM

Hi sweet,

I don't think that there is anything wrong with giving someone a second chance why? Because if you don't you would never know if they could compromise to meet an equal ground there somewhere

I think also with him, you have to work out what creates his anger and where it originally stemmed from and why it's all about him

And whilst he has to respect you, there are two of you so if part is to do with anything you are doing, then you have to acknowledge that as well and see if you can compromise