Depression + Sex Drive

**lizzardb63** · 08-09-2011 01:05 PM

I've had depression for 10-11 years now. On and off anti-depressants. Well, I am going through another one of my depression spells and will be starting my antidepressant in about a week. I just have lost all interest in Sex. It is starting to worry me. My boyfriend has a very healthy, active sex drive, and I barely even think about it. It has nothing to do with me feeling he is unattractive, because he is, but I just can't muster up the energy or get in the "mood". Will this last forever?? I am starting an anti-depressant that doesn't effect your sex drive (It isn't an SSRI), so I am not worried about that, but I hope I can start to get back in the swing of things. My boyfriend and I have only been together for 1 1/2 years, so it shouldn't be fizzling just yet! I want to have that hot steamy relationship we had in the beginning. He has the drive, but I dont....please help! Any advice welcome!

**Seeker_Advice** · 08-09-2011 02:16 PM

Having battled depression for more than 30 years, tried many of the anti-depressant meds, even cocktailed a few under a physician's guidance and being male, I can tell you it's an interesting 'challenge' ahead.

It has nothing to do with me feeling he is unattractive, because he is

This is an interesting comment...perhaps a typo of sorts? It's hard to get 'excited' about someone you don't find attractive...

What I would ask you first is... What has changed in the short time you have been together? You were "hot and steamy" 18 short months ago and that's gone already? Really? Why? It's more than depression - IMO - if that's really true.

Questions two: Why do you cycle on and cycle off anti-D meds? People that battle depression are on meds for years without interruption (most commonly). Who takes you off your meds? You? Your physician? Why?

SSRI's are not the only sex drive killers. Many of the anti-D meds flatten sex drive. Most docs only know/think/care about the SSRI's and their history... So do your homework on an independent site like webMD. I have quite a bit of information that I am happy to share with you as well.

I AM NOT a clinician of any kind at any level and I don't play one on T.V. I am just a guy who has fought the battle for most of his life and has real life experience to share. The "best" help you can get is from your personal care provider and nobody else but in order to do so, you must be completely honest at all times with him/her. Swallow the pride, the ego, the B.S. and be concise and direct.

You might do a search in here for other helpful info. and you may even come across some of my previous posts.

Let me know how I can help further, if I can.

This is an amazing forum with lots of caring people.

**LanaBear** · 08-09-2011 02:36 PM

I went through a period of not wanting sex. It was the result of a lot of things, however, I wasn't on anti depressants for it.

But, if I may offer a suggestion. To get back in the swing of things, you may need to be more aware of it. What I'm saying is, make it a point to initiate sex. Even if you have to put it as an alarm or reminder on your phone. Start with once or twice a week and go from there. Then, no matter what, schedules, moods, etc., have sex. Personally, the more I have sex, the more I want sex, the more I'm in the mood for sex and the more enjoyable sex is. If I'm not thinking about it, I'm not in the mood for it and it goes down hill.

It probably doesn't sound all sweet and romantic, warm and fuzzy, but it is worth a shot.

**lizzardb63** · 08-10-2011 11:26 AM

seeker advice. When I said that it isn't because I don't find attractive, because I do meant ...I DO find him attractive. That it ISN'T because he is unattractive, because he's very handsome.

I work for a city and there is a requirement that I have to live there...so...I moved away from my family with him. It sucks because having gone through that, I don't enjoy my job, but I won't find better benefits than working for the state. I know that he is not happy living there either which stresses me out...i don't know anyone here and all I do is work and go to the gym or home. It's depressing. I am not usually "on and off" antidepressants too often, I tried going off them a couple years ago, and couldn't so I thought why not try again. So its only been twice that I've gone off them since I was initially diagnosed with it.

When we moved out together, we had a solid relationship, I am sure some of yo are going to jump on the "you weren't ready for that step"...because we were. We talk about marriage, I picked out a ring, we have the same goals and opinions and respect each other. It isn't always something DEEPER than he original question I have. I jsut want to know if anyone else has ever felt this way...and if I will feel better some day in your opinion. Sorry, its just a pet peeve that everyone has to look "deeper" than the actual question. Blah! (venting sorry)

**lizzardb63** · 08-10-2011 12:41 PM

I am just super stressed about stuff i guess....

**Seeker_Advice** · 08-10-2011 04:28 PM

Stress is probably the number one sex drive and sex killer. In your case and IMO, it's probably a combination of many things that is impacting your sex drive...

**lizzardb63** · 08-11-2011 11:56 AM

Plus, i've gained around 15-18 lbs in the last year... sucks!

**Elanor-Jane** · 08-18-2011 01:14 AM

I had no sex drive when I was taking ssri's but now I'm off them (and still battling depression and really bad PMDD) I have a massive sex drive so I'm not sure of the correlation. I have experienced low sex drive before beginning meds tho from just depression. I find it hard to determine the difference between the depression and the pmdd as the pmdd is always there in degrees but I'll have months of depression and then it will ease off due to a situational change. Ssri's really helped me for a time but had a breakdown on them so I'm looking for other options. The side effects weren't worth it for me. I hope the meds work but at their best they're a crutch and u need to address the real causes issues. I think so anyway

**lizzardb63** · 08-18-2011 08:40 AM

I agree that antidepressants CAN be a crutch, which is why I've tried coming off them a couple times. I always seem to slip back into depression...i'd rather be happy and not be crabby or mean to my family than ruin the relationships I have because of my depression. If there are options out there, I will seek them. Just my opinion. Everyone is different, but I am one of those people who cant beat it on their own.

**Elanor-Jane** · 08-18-2011 06:45 PM

Me neither but I can't have an orgasm on meds and it causes so many other issues to arise in my head and relationships. I don't like how numb I feel on them either. It sucks that they don't have a better cure. I'm just holding up at the moment but if I don't act fast I'll spend 3 months in bed, quit school, quit my job etc. I've done all this on meds so that's why I need another way. It's one big vicious cycle for me lol