Going Through a Rough Time

**crash** · 08-16-2011 12:11 PM

I had an abortion over a year ago and still get very depressed about it. It was something my boyfriend and I had talked about before it happened and we were okay with it and on the same page. But after it happened it is something that seems to still haunt me. I feel like a bad person because of it and I want more than anything to be a mother and a family but was too young at the time. I was also taking a lot of drugs at that time and it would have severely affected the baby, another reason for the abortion. Any suggestions on how to get over it and move past it?

Thanks.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-16-2011 01:05 PM

There is a grieving phase. Perhaps you got stuck in one part of it and haven't allowed yourself to move past that point.

You did what you felt was the right thing at that time. Why fault yourself for that? At the same time, isn't it normal to feel a bit of grief? Why not embrace that, accept it, identify with your feelings? Then and only then, will you begin to heal from it.

For those that advocate abortion like it's no big deal, they haven't yet realized that its not just about the loss of life, but about the emotional effects it can have on a woman for the rest of her life.

What are some positive things that have happened in your life since then?

**WildChild** · 08-16-2011 01:14 PM

You need to look honestly at why you are feeling badly about it. Drug use is a very good reason NOT to have a baby, giving an infant who has been exposed to drugs for adoption is asking the adoptive parents to take on what could be a huge burden of care. I know people who've done this, they adopted an infant or child that as they grew up had serious personality disorders, learning disabilities and/or physical problems. It has take a terrible on their lives.

Getting pregnant wasn't a good idea but you did the responsible thing. As long as you get healthy and adopt a clean healthy lifestyle there is no reason that you can't be a good mother after you've gotten established in life.

Are you concerned about some religious ideas? Or social norms? Believing in these is a choice and you don't have to be bound by other people's beliefs on this.

Treat yourself lovingly and know you did what was right at the time.

**Cyndie32** · 08-17-2011 01:50 PM

Crash, IMO, you will get past this but you will never forget. I had an abortion over 20 years ago after being raped. It was very difficult to move on. So what I did was take my due date and now I give a moment of silence to reflect on my dicision every year. It is perfectly normal to grieve for your loss but don't let it consume you. Give it one day every year, then put it away. It will get easier with time. I know what I did was the best for every one concerned. Even my unborn fetus. How horrible would have been for that child to be born knowing he or she was a product of such violence. Know that you made a caring decision for your unborn child.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-17-2011 03:45 PM

Decisions are hard but if they are made for the right reasons? Then it was the right choice and from the sounds of it, you looked after this child, imagine with all the drugs you took the life the little one may have had, you made the right choice and you have to respect that choice and feel it..

Guilt is a horrid feeling and really reserved for those whom really have something to feel guilty about have done something so horrible and have little remorse..

Some people believe everything has a soul. If you believe that? Then imagine him/her walking next to you and guiding you now, being your guardian angel and saying thank you and I'll be back again later in the right light.

If you don't believe in that, then it's okay to grieve but don't beat yourself up, your reasons were based on good not bad..