Dealing with stress

**Crystalblue** · 08-23-2011 10:23 AM

So this past year has felt like one battle after another. It's put me in a position to feel helpless and realize my lack of control in life. Anyone else feel like you're just along for the ride? Hold on for the rant!

We've been living with my in-laws for awhile so my husband could finish school and get a start working. My relationship with them took a turn for the worse and I had to reestablish new boundaries with them and distance myself. It was probably the best thing for me to do, but I just found out my mil is still living in the drama, telling everyone she can what her problem with us is, while I have no clue what she could possibly be upset about. Lol. I still think just staying out of it would be best. Hey, if she can have a fight with me, without me actually having to get involved, just one less thing I have to do. I'm ready to listen if she wants to talk though.

We're moving to apartments on the othe side of town in a few weeks. Hopefully that'll be better for everyone. This will sound silly, but I'm a little nervous about it. I've never lived more than 15 minutes away from where we live now. The way I feel, we might as well be moving across the country instead of across town. I'll get over that part. Mostly I'm excited about it, and it'll be a better living situation away from the in laws, so everyone's a winner. It just makes money and budgeting a bigger issue.

The kids just started school, but will have to switch to a new one in a few weeks when we move. I feel bad about that. I hope it's not to hard on them, but they're young. It's easier to make new friends when you're little. My oldest has the next few weeks to get phone numbers so we can set up days to visit with his friends.

I had an abnormal pap smear and have to wait to go back for a biopsy next week. I'm trying really hard not to worry about this one because it's out of my control. All I can do is wait and see what the dr. says.

My best friend had a fight with her brother earlier this month. Well, you can't really call it a fight. No one got hit, but he threatened her and her family, yelling in her face and doing everything he could to intimidate her. She pressed charges and since I was a witness, I had to talk with the detective and send him my statement. She's been paranoid at her house, afraid to be there with her son in case her brother shows up. I've tried to get her out and about with me, but she has a hard time with her three year old. She made plans yesterday to leave town for a week. The judge signed the warrant for her brother's arrest and she's afraid to be home in case he finds out about her pressing charges before they can arrest him. I'll miss hanging out while she's gone, but I'm glad she's going somewhere to feel safe.

The biggest hit was my husband's emotional affair. I never saw it coming and everything just fell apart for me for awhile. I'm glad we've been able to make so much progress working past it, but it's still in the back of my mind. I haven't reach a point where I can fully lower my guard with him, but I have more good days than bad ones with him now.

It doesn't seem like so much when I type it out like that. Piece of...well, not cake... piece of something. So, I've been eating healthier, and getting regular excersize. I'm trying to quit smoking again, but the stress doesn't help. Anyone have any good relaxation techneches? Excersize and deep breathing are about all I know. Doing either one too long would make me pass out. Lol

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-06-2011 07:05 AM

Stress manifests in us all differently. It sounds like you've handled all the stress lately beautifully. Any one of those things alone would be enough to stress someone out, much less altogether. You're one tough gal.

Yoga. One of THE best relaxation and stress relieving techniques you'll ever find. Can't afford? No problem. Youtube some yoga videos, learn the moves, find some peaceful music, turn the lights off, shut the door and do your yoga/meditation.

Bubble bath. Sprinkle some smell good stuff (Lavendar, Sandlewood and Chamomile are especially calming) in your water, turn off the lights, lay there, relax and breathe.

Keep exercising. Running is a great stress reliever (maybe that's why you've been handling it so well!!! And be sure to take some "you" time. You time doesn't have to cost money, but it's very necessary.

**Cyndie32** · 09-06-2011 11:43 AM

i agree with bd on this one crystal. yoga is amazing for relaxation. it also helps you strengthen and stretch your core muscles. when you are done with some really deep stretching you learn to relax every muscle in you body, including your mind. i highly recommend it. do some searching on u tube. there not all good, so give yourself some searching time. try searching yoga for beginners on u tube. i have had the best luck there. if i run across a good one i will send you the address. hang in there. bad times don't last forever.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-07-2011 06:46 PM

You know? I look at it this way.

Negativity breads negativity.

We look for cruxes to ease the pain, thoughts, feelings...

Every day of our lives, something is going to happen.

People/animals are always going to get ill, there are always going to be obsticles in our way, there is always going to be mis-understandings, hurt and there is always going to be hardship..

How do we deal with it?

For me.. There has to be a positive in every negative.. It was mean't to be, it lead to something better, he / she is at peace, the animal is alive right? I can jump that hurdle, I've corrected the mis-understanding, or I am working towards doing that, turning it back into a positive and I will get a part time job, that will ease the hardship.

There is an answer or solution for everything if you look deeply for the positive....

If you focus on negatives, you find more and more, and each little thing that happens in your life, because another one when really it shouldn't and you get down, feel down, depressed. Stressed. Why bother?

If there is a positive in every negative, find it, it's there....Then smile in that knowing..Trust me, I live by this and it works...

**Crystalblue** · 09-07-2011 07:03 PM

I agree, and normally its easy for me to find the silver lining. It's even easier looking back on any dilemma because then I can see what I took from the situation. I can see how it helped me grow or prepared me for a future problem.

The only time it becomes too much to deal with, is when there are multiple issues all at once or one after another. I get overwhelmed and my mind can't handle focusing on so much at the same time.

When I get like that I try to make myself work towards a solution on at least one of my problems a day. Even if it's something small, like making a doctors appointment or calling an office to have a question answered. It helps me see, hey, I can do this. It's not the end of the world, and it keeps me from going into panic mode and shutting down under the stress.

Sometimes I have to slow down and just relax though, remind myself that I don't have to have all the answers, for all my problems, all at once.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-07-2011 07:17 PM

It's funny you've heard of that saying "it comes in threes" it does why is that?

I myself have had several issues this past year, too many to count. I've found if I acted first it was wrong, If I thought it out and worked towards finding the solution even though that takes time, I've found it and all of a sudden that situation has gone.

I know life is about lessons.. But I don't know why so many obsticles are put in our way at once, to see how strong we are? Maybe...

You are a very strong, level headed, logical person..Just keep thinking the way that you do...You are right, we have to relax, deep breathe and think, first. Otherwise, more often than not, we assume, pressume, get it wrong, or make the wrong judgement call.