Stress, depression and sickness

**reginaluna** · 08-30-2011 07:43 PM

Hi everyone. I have a problem... well that should be obvious..

I am 21 years old and well.. I have never really felt like I belong anywhere. I feel like I am a burden to my family and my friends.. my mother sure has no reservations telling me this. I learn quickly and have a penchant for languages.. but I also forget easily. I seem to have selective memory problems.. I forget all the important things and forget most of my childhood memories... and well memories from last week too.. but I seem to remember songs and some childhood kids television programs. Weird right? Well that's not the main issue(s).
I just cant seem to concentrate on the things I "should" be concentrating on. I also procrastinate too much. I can be speaking to someone but if the tv is on then I lose my train of thought and I stop speaking or I stutter or babble.. which gets frustrating. I also have trouble working in regular jobs.. or even going to school that I do not like. I was going to teacher's college.. and academically I was doing well.. but mentally and physically I wasn't. I got stressed very easily, and when I got stressed.. I would also get physically ill (migraines, asthma and more). It got to the point that I had migraines every day for most of the day. I told my parents that I wanted to leave. They said no... and no matter how much I begged, they refused. So, by then I was seeing the school shrink and the school doctor every week. The shrink told me that I was borderline chronic depression.. tried to explain that to my parents. Got told it was all in my "head" and that it meant nothing. The doctor and the shrink suggested that I go see a neurologist and get my brain examined due to all the migraines.. parents refused. Apparently, I'm not worth it.
Out of desperation, I deliberately failed my exams so that I could not go to the school anymore because.. .. they didn't even listen to the principal's plea to let me stop. Of course they have never forgiven me for it. I have "messed up" myself and I am worthless.
Then I got a job as a Customer Service Rep at a telecommunication place. ..I can't stand monotony and I am sensitive to criticism not to mention my bad concentration problems. So everyday speaking to customers and sometimes getting told off and screamed at because they were angry with the company. Yeah.. I got sick from the stress... nothing helped the migraines.. no amount or type of pain meds did the trick (I was spending most of my paycheck on doctors bills). I eventually quit. So again.. I am a failure and I am worthless. What a wonderful mother I have right? So caring.. so supportive..
I finally decided to do what I love to do. Art. So I am now a freelance illustrator. Unfortunately I don't get jobs that often and I still live at home. So I get the you are worthless and this is going nowhere you need a real job! Nobody wants you! Your boyfriend is going to leave you! Your boyfriend's mother will force him to leave you! Nobody wants some worthless person around them! talk from my mother every. single. day.
Well, my concentration problems, my procrastination and my stress has come down again. I am sick again. I am depressed. I am torn with feelings of hatred for my mother and wanting to punch her in the face and the love I should have for her. (Did I mention that she NEVER does anything wrong? I have never heard her apologize in her life! If she hits someone, its "you're lucky u only got that", if she says something horrible and I call her out for it, its "what?! just because I said that .... ?! You need to look into yourself because if you didn't make me angry then I wouldn't have said... " and like that). Yeah I'm ranting.. This is probably the longest post you have ever seen...
Well.. the point is.. I am depressed, stressed, I can't do my work.. all I can do is sleep and cry.. and type this post. I am considering that I might have ADD/ ADHD or something based on my concentration problems.. and I am also an ENFP personality type. I just want out of this box that's suffocating me.

I'm sorry. I need to see a shrink I'm sure.. but can't right now.

I'm done for now.

Thanks for reading.

Bye

**Velto_Vixen** · 09-03-2011 05:34 AM

Why hello me. PM me. Seriously. I'll try to check back.
i have the same selective memory concentration thing. Lately my mental health of being too over stressed is making every part of me ill to the point where my entire body starts seizing...so I'm thinking that perhaps it's not all in my head and i have depression again.
I'm no counselor, but if you want someone to vent to, i'll listen.
I have an overbearing mother too, and i moved out of home which brought a whole new set of stress. I thought i'd do an art course to make me feel less pathetic, but here i am, writing this instead of the 10 subjects homework i have due on Monday which i cannot do any day but today (tomorrow being fathers day and all) which i have to also buy papers for a subject...ARGH! I want to quit. I hate my life- but i feel guilty for that because it's a lot better than many others but I just FEEL so miserable and stressed and SICK!

Yes so i think i have a lot in common with you here. We can vent together

So what I'm saying is, I'm your friend

. I actually understand how you feel.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-09-2011 04:30 PM

I finally decided to do what I love to do. Art. So I am now a freelance illustrator. Unfortunately I don't get jobs that often and I still live at home. So I get the you are worthless and this is going nowhere you need a real job! Nobody wants you! Your boyfriend is going to leave you! Your boyfriend's mother will force him to leave you! Nobody wants some worthless person around them! talk from my mother every. single. day.

Tell me of one person in this World that does not have some form of illness, or problem that they inherited or gained through their life... What is wrong, so wrong is what you are being told above.

Your Mother is abusive, verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. Look at what you are and have been trying to achieve in life? Do not stop your dreams.

A therapist can re-train your concentration patterns to a degree you need to get assessed for that, but you also need to realise your MOTHER IS WRONG. You have clearly shown you have dreams, goals and ambitions and you had/or have a boyfriend do not let her destroy those dreams.

One day you will be out in that World alone, living your own life, do NOT listen to those words that she spoke, they are not true, they are her thoughts only.

You know, when we grow up, we "choose" to supress things that hurt us as a child and we "choose" to only remember happy things. You don't want to remember and this has lead to the problem of having a low attention rate. You are fighting against things you don't want to remember as a child in my opinion therefore, only "good" things you are remember today about yesterday and today.

Yes, you will need councelling in my opinion, but you also need to find away to get out of that home and live on your own or with others and be able to start living, being yourself.

I hope you come back and talk to us, you are not alone.

CW