anti-depressants, orgasms and basically not seeing the point anymore

**Elanor-Jane** · 09-01-2011 03:09 AM

ive taken lexapro twice (SSRI) and really dont want to take another anti-depressant that inhibits me from having an orgasm. it totally shuts off higher feeling (i plateau until i cant be bothered anymore) and i find that it make me almost as unhappy as when im just depressed.

also i felt as though it didnt really help my depression, anxiety and overall fear, just numbed me a bit so i could atleast function enough to scrape by.

would really appreciate any help. i spoke to my aunt today for support (she is a psycologist and i needed a recommendation on someone to see in our area, but she is also very caring and we are quite close---even tho i hadnt told her anything until today)

she knows the family history and thinks its environmental depression and anxiety. she said she thinks i fear what the future holds as i have never had alot of certainty or choice in my life, moreso in my childhood and teens. i have alot of fear over money, where its going to come from, where im going to live. and i shouldnt. but i guess it comes from moving around a bit as a kid between parents and family members and sometimes if i was with mum, we were poor, but when i was living with dad there was alot of money but i had a crazy stepmother to deal with. if i didnt do what she wanted i was threatened with being sent back to mums etc. money is still used by my dad to control us kids, even tho he doesnt realise he does it, or that its damaged my brothers and i. also i resent my father for never standing up for me or my brother. hes seen her hit me and didnt do anything (i was 18 and she accused me of trying to keep a house key, me and my brother werent allowed to have one, and when i finally stood up for myself (i didnt have it, id accidently left it at a friends and was sure i had put it back) i got a thump across the head, black eye for a week, i know its nothing but it was just her general demenour that scared us, she was really sweet and lovey and then she would change etc)

when i stress or become depressed i quit jobs and study. its gotton to the point where at the moment i need another job but ive left so many jobs (and also worked in an industry that i cant put on a CV) that i have the skills to do almost anything but having left most jobs after 8 months im not a safe bet in the eyes of an employer. so im working for myself as a makeup artist when i can, but its slow at the moment and im studying so yeah.

i told my aunt today that i think alot about killing myself, but i want to have a good life and not think about this sort of thing.

ive made a drs ap and an ap with a psycologist so i can find meds that might work, and maybe talk about some stuff, im just so tired though and have been trying to find a way to not be like this since i can remember.

my stepmother ended up cheating on my dad with a woman. she made out like she always did that we ruined her whole life. she tried to take him to the cleaners (something she always said she would do if HE cheated on HER) but then he ended up feeling sorry for her and basically she has a big house for herself that dad bought, plus an investment property that he pays off for her (i used to rent it but was kicked out when dad had to get her to live somewhere else, she is renting it out to someone else for less than what i was paying) and all her bills food paid for etc plus anything else ebay addiction etc.
on and she comes and stays at dads when shes feeling all sad because the woman she went off with turned out to be an abusive drug addict that beat her up (but she still tried to give it "another go" like 5 times each time with us bailing her out and calling the police)

anyway i need to find a way to let go of all this hate and fear.

does anyone know of or experienced an anti-depressant that hasnt killed their sex life. i love my bf and its the only thing i enjoy, so i cant lose it lol

**Mes T** · 09-01-2011 03:38 AM

Aw honey! Hugs hugs hugs! xxx

I'm definitely no psychiatrist or psychologist but let's hang back for a second. Do you really need anti-depressants? We've all got this or that from our past that still affects us, but I think in a lot of cases it's more our present and our perceived future that made us depressed or anxious. But the good news is, those are two things that you can change RIGHT NOW if you wanted to.

I think instead of thinking about the past, you should put your energy into analyzing your present and figuring out what specifically is making you unhappy, and ways in which you could potentially change that.

If you're worried about money, you need to get a steady job. It's as simple as that. If you don't want to stay in one place for too long or don't think you can, work as a temp or a contractor - that way you'll be moving around with some frequency anyway.

You can work and study at the same time. Lots of people do it - and successfully, too.

I think if you set some real goals for yourself, you can have something concrete to look forward to and work towards. And that can surely help boost your spirits...

Apart from that, exercise often, have sex often, eat your favorite foods, go out with your friends, travel... There are SO MANY things that you can enjoy in this life. Sure, your past may not be the best. But you know what? Lots of people have had worst childhoods and have used those emotions to push themselves to create a better life than what they started out with.

Channel that negative energy into something positive and productive. You can do it!

And you've got all of us here too whenever you need us. I'm thinking life is pretty good?

**Elanor-Jane** · 09-01-2011 03:57 AM

no not particularly good. there are limited jobs here, and i have suffered with this forever. if a cure for depression was that simple to put into place i would but thats the problem with it.

today i woke up with positive thoughts as i told myself i had to wake up happy in order to get through the day. i didnt make it to school. i sleep all day and night if i can. i eat to just get by of late, im losing weight. my bf is great but i need my own life not just hanging on to his etc. i cry all the time dont want to see/talk to anyone. i have one good week a month usually (dr said PMDD) but now its a day here and there if im lucky. at least on meds i can get out of bed lol

thanks mes

**Mes T** · 09-01-2011 04:07 AM

I think there are a few posters on here who have been where you are now who could offer advice based on their own experiences. I haven't been there... I know my advice can come across as too light, I'm sorry. However you missy are in the wrong time zone and may have to check back in a few hours!

lol! I'm from the States but live in NZ at the moment. Welcome to the "Night Shift" of WH.

**Seeker_Advice** · 09-01-2011 08:36 AM

Live in NZ Mes T? North or South? The rest of us should be so lucky...

Elanor-Jane...I've battled the depression monster my entire adult life (30 years) and can tell you A) It's as real as cancer, B) It can be treated successfully with meds., C) It's a guessing game as to which med will work "best" for you and until the prescribing professional finds it, they may move you from one to another to another, D) Australia has some of the finest medical care and medical professionals on the planet, so keep the faith.

I have shared my real life experiences with many others in this forum who struggle, like I do, with depression. You may try to do an Advanced Search or even a general search to find some of my previous posts. If you are not successful, send me a message and I will be happy to share all that I can with you. Thirty years of life experience, including being on lots of different anti-D meds, can be a bit overwhelming and/or boring, so I didn't want to dump it all on you now.

Something that might help in the short term...regular exposure to bright sun light. The kind that makes you squint and reach for sunglasses as soon as you walk out of a building into it. Instead, leave the sungalsses off and try to keep your eyes open (not squinted shut) in a normal state for 15 minutes once or twice each day. NEVER look directly into the sun, but rather, be out where it is very bright.

There is a direct relationship to bright natural light and an increase in mood. It has to do with bright light reaching the optic nerve in the back of your eyes that sends a signal to your brain to boost mood. Yes, there is scientific data/research and studies to back it up. I have those too, if you're interested.

As a male, many of the drugs I have taken over the years have "flat lined" me or not allowed certain areas to "rise" to the occasion ( for sex), so I know exactly what you're talking about, from a male's perspective.

Let me know how/if I can help you further. A message of some sort is best.

I wish you the best!

**Elanor-Jane** · 09-01-2011 06:21 PM

Thanks S_A, I know my bf had that with his tablets but he has more luck than I, he gets anxious from old issues (he was a big boy when he was young then lost the weight but still stresses over weight (he's skinny) and so he understands low self esteem but not depression. So it makes it hard to communicate with him. My ex was pretty much bi-polar but would never seek help, just drank etc. Both have/keep jobs careers etc
What my point is I guess is I see everyone around me functioning alot higher than me even though they are suffering from some sort of mental illness. I'm 26 and I first noticed this stuff when I was in highschool as opposed to just being a fearful kid. I never wanted to do much and everything I ever wanted to achieve just turned out to be a pipe dream. I wish I could achieve more as I know my brain works well in some respects lol and I have the base education to be able to achieve any career I wanted to! Sick of being an underachiever and feeling like a total loser. But first I just need to want to get out of bed. Thanks for the tip for the sunlight. I am alot higher functioning in summer. Winter kills me. I'm going to try and get outside it's a nice day