Am I depressed?

**Velto_Vixen** · 09-03-2011 05:44 AM

I've been having a feeling that i'm depressed lately...
I believe i was through most of highschool, because i believe that people shouldn't want to wish to be hit by a car every day if the are sane.

About 2 years ago my depression seemed to vanish overnight because i somehow finally had hope.

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and that caused me a lot of stress. I then developed an untreatable non terminal illness which greatly affects my every day, and worst of all it's the most embarrassing thing. I cannot eat many food groups now. I can't have gluten, dairy, or fructose. I wanted to be a vegetarian, but now i can't. All i can eat is rice and meat, and i feel like a sack of rice and meat.

After going after my dreams and realizing the journey is far too hard, i feel as if I've dipped down that rabbit hole again. Lately i just wish i died. I feel utterly hideous and abnormal, i hate my studies, i hate that i moved out, but i hate being at home, i hate that i am not a good girlfriend, not a good daughter, not a good worker, not a good student, not a good sister...

I feel really guilty, but i can't help. It's like I've detached myself from every human. I don't even feel close to my boyfriend anymore. We haven't been intimate in 2 months.

I just feel really miserable. One night i was dreading having my holidays over that i started seizing (my entire body was violently shaking for over 30 minutes and i couldn't stop it). I completely lost my appetite. Everything tasted bad and made me sick to my stomach- for weeks. Now the initial sickness has calmed down as i've been back at school for a month, but i still feel utterly...hopeless. I feel i ruined my life by moving out and studying to get my dream job. I feel that no one in my class likes me. I don't talk to anyone except one girl and she seems to get away pretty fast sometimes. The classes are full on with 10 hours in a row without a lunch hour (just 10min snack breaks). I work too, and have hardly any time for homework let alone my much needed chill out time (I'm an introvert). So basically it's really full on and draining.

I don't know what to do...do i see a gp to get diagnosed? Then what? I really wish i do have depression so that i can get special consideration in my studies. That would take a load off.

**BabyGirl** · 09-04-2011 09:11 PM

First a welcome Hug to you to WH.
Next is a Question ?

Can you give a little more detail into the feelings of Depression, when how long, what age ?

You seem in a higher education ( College). Stress from studying and working and supporting yourself in a job is enough to have many of us want to " Give Up " and only find the " Bad/ Negative".

A little Self Doubt and some cautions, are very normal. You mentioned following a " Dream ".

You possibly may be what they * Now Call * Bi~polar " *

I have a " Clinically Diagnosed ,Schizoid Bi~Polar Effective Brother that is 44 and headed to the "Mental Stability Hospital " as soon as he can be transferred and deemed " Insane" from the courts.

He as well as You, can learn to rehabilitate Yourself.

If you are Food Allergic, stabilize your food intake to the ones who do not give you allergies.

Rice and Beans. Rice is a carbohydrate, Beans are Proteins. It's your body that makes your Brain feel " Good "

And then They made Chocolate

**Velto_Vixen** · 09-05-2011 05:18 AM

I guess from year seven i cried myself to sleep for 6 months because i hated the school and missed primary school.
Then i got over it...
Then my parents started fighting a year after, and it really worried me and stressed me out
then i developed body dysmorphic disorder and thought i was disfigured for many years, and thought "Why live if i'm ugly" for a long time and never left the house- again, years.
Then i had a bf who was suicidal and insane...and he wouldn't leave me alone- that stressed me out.
Then i had another boyfriend sexually abuse me- that took me about 5 years to get over. i just really wanted to die for a long part of my life, but i never acted on it. but i'd cross roads without looking hoping i'd be run over. I was scared to die but i wanted it to be past tense. DEAD.
It's only the past 2 or so years i've felt *NORMAL*
If i have bipolar that would be very unfortunate...and stressful to someone close to me who has another loved one with bipolar.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-09-2011 01:44 AM

It's only the past 2 or so years i've felt *NORMAL*

About 2 years ago my depression seemed to vanish overnight because i somehow finally had hope.

You dared to dream and believe in yourself... What does that tell you? It tells me that when you are happy with yourself and life and can dream, the depression goes away.

Every Journey is hard, and sometimes feels "too hard" but nothing is non achievable if you believe...You may have to postpone when you expected to achieve it, take longer to do it, but you can do it, maybe there is a stepping stone first or a different direction to start off with but it's important to hang onto that dream and keep working towards it.

I then developed an untreatable non terminal illness which greatly affects my every day, and worst of all it's the most embarrassing thing. I cannot eat many food groups now. I can't have gluten, dairy, or fructose. I wanted to be a vegetarian, but now i can't. All i can eat is rice and meat, and i feel like a sack of rice and meat.

Have you had a second opinion? I suspect if you are intollerant to certain food groups, it's genetic sweet heart not much you can do about that but, there has to be more things you can eat other than rice and meat and that's not healthy for you either, no vitamins? No fruits/veg can I suggest that you go to a nutritionist with your diagnosis.

Also have you seen someone over the seizure?

Sweet you list all these things that have happened and they aren't nice certainly but then speak to everyone here and ask them to give you a list of 5 things that have happened to them in their life that they didn't like either and mainly recent ones, that affected them stress wise and you will see that you are just as normal as everyone else. The key I always find is to realise that things happen they are not your fault, and things happen that you can not control, and things happen and will for the rest of our lives, if we wallow in it? They will affect us all our lives but if we realise them and let them go, ensure it can't happen again or ensure that we live the best we can with this problem we face then we can live and disregard.

Why don't you join some groups, support groups of illnesses you have via the internet or where you live, you aren't alone you know that, it would be good for you.

And, tell us what are these dreams? Let's see if we can offer some ideas for "now" suggestions.

Are you Australian? I note you say OZ or does that stand for somewhere else

In addition use this thread as your thread to talk as much as you like...Here you will find you will make friends ...

CW

**Velto_Vixen** · 01-26-2012 10:01 PM

CW- I'm not supposed to eat veggies, but i do anyway. Some days i hardly notice symtoms. Others, like today, i do. I've noticed a lot of symptoms recently. The healthier i eat, the less red meat, the more symptoms i notice.
This is what it is, i went to a specialist too.

I havn't seen someone over the siezure. I have been meaning to get a diagnosis for it...i probably will this weekend if i remember. i have things to do.

I think i was raised very sheltered, so now that when bad things happen, they affect me worse because i havn't learnt to handle problems.

Aussie, yes.

The dreams i went after was a proper job, marriage and a house. I don't want these things anymore. I just want to be alone and do nothing, numb myself by watching movies.

eta-
i cried myself to sleep last night. It's definitly not the worst i've been, but still, i definitely feel like i'm dipping into the rabbit hole again.