Thread: Depressed?

Last year I was denied entry into the dental hygiene program because I was tested positive for hep b. I had to switch majors to accounting, although it's not something I love, I figured I need to get some sort of degree so settled for that. This past year my ex and I officially broke up after 7 years because of my sickness and he is a hypochondriac.

It's my senior year and I'll be graduating in May but I don't even feel like walking at the ceremony because I don't have anyone to embrace this moment with compared to others. On top of that I'm not super passionate about my major...not motivated to look for internships or get ahead in my networking. I feel like I've lost who I am...one of my girlfriend's bf randomly txted me out of the blue asking who I hang out with now besides my best friend and then bluntly pointed out that I've got no one, that I gave up everything and now I'm left with nothing...it just made me feel even worse...I mean I realize that but he didn't have to point it out. I txted back asking what's the meaning of all this? and if he was trying to make a point. Then he states, " didn't mean to put you down or anything, just wanted to know the facts before I say something stupid...then he just says i'm just worried about you and here if you ever need to talk." Some confusing way to try to make me feel better.

I was with my ex for so long, we did everything together... I'd hang out with my friends when they came back in town from college and we'd hang out with his throughout the school year. We all went to the same school so I never really made my own friends at my college or friends that lasted ( I'd see them a semester then never again). I'm also a pretty reserved person, so I don't make friends that easily; I'll talk if someone initiates, but I never approach people. Now that senior year hit and I'm on my own, I feel so alone and everyone has already established their group of friends. The other day one my friends back from high school(he goes to the same college as me) commented saying, so and so was talkin about you asking if you still just go to school and home. (Our college is known for commuters and so to me it's normal, but there are alot of students that stay back on campus and are more involved...but that's just not me since I'm so reserved.) It obviousy made me feel like everyone's just gettin on me...almost like see what happens when you live your life the way you did.

These past monthes I've just stay in bed and watch zillions of shows(seasons straight). I only get out of bed when I need to eat or go to school or if my best friend forces me to go out with her to cheer me up. I always try to keep my mind occupied but sometimes I just break down and cry. When I'm driving I've had thoughts of just entering the street at a red light to just get hit...then I pull myself back to reality and tell myself it's selfish and dumb to do something like that.

Don't know waht this post was about anymore. Sorry just had to vent I guess.