Dealing with the aftermath of being raped?

**Zoe_Bags** · 10-12-2011 05:31 PM

If you go into the therapy it doesnt come under the mental health sector. If you are so unsure as to whether it will affect your chances you could contact the USMC and ask them if it would affect someones application and then you will have a straight answer then, but you will need to be honest and tell them why may need to go into councelling and I am sure that you wouldn't need to tell them who you are. Just that you are thinking of applying and that you have been raped and would like to know that if you go into therapy to help you cope after, would it effect your application.

With regards to your friend, if you trust her enough you should tell her, she maybe angry with you initially for waiting so long to tell her but if she is a true friend she will understand that you have a lot difficulties dealing with it and what to say to her etc, it doesn't matter that you are miles away from each other. I have been asulted three time in my life the last time very recently and the onlly way that I could tell any of my friends was over the phone because I moved away a few months ago and yes it harder than talking it over face to face but sometimes its the only way.

I am very worried that you have been self harming and that you are so worried about how your mental health record is a major concern, because if you have got to that point you really do need to go and see someone as its getting dangerous. My suggestion would firstly speak to the USMC and she exactly how it would effect your application, and go from there. But always remember you are the most important person in your life and if you can't look after your self you can't look after anyone else. And at the end of the day I know its very important to you but you can't put off your own health for a Job, there are many other jobs out there that wouldn't take your mental health status in to concideration and your still very young so there are so many option avaliable to you, so please dont throw all of that away becuase of one sick little person.

**kygirl** · 10-13-2011 08:46 AM

Charlena,

I am in a profession where therapy can be viewed as bad; however, I find that if it is situational, that they are more concerned about being stable when you enter the field. This type of thing looming over you will not help you be stable. Being a teenager is hard enough, along with the pressures of testing, school, what to do, etc...You do not need this hanging over you. Find a hotline if you need to or search for some help at a church or some safe place where you can speak to someone. IT sounds like your support system has some holes in it, but you definitely need to work through this. It would be most helpful if there is a place where you can speak to someone who can walk you through all you are feeling.

Like everyone else has said...THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Unfortunately, this is something that can happen to anyone at anytime and it stinks, it really does. But don't lose hope! You can and will make it through this, but right now, you need to focus on working through this and finding some peace, because millitary or not, you will never be able to get past this entirely without working through all you are feeling, and being able to live with yourself will ALWAYS trump any job.

*hugs*

**jns** · 10-24-2011 04:25 PM

Charleena, I hope you have found some help on this that is confidential and does not shatter your dreams.

**Magnetism** · 10-31-2011 02:00 PM

<Hugs> Charleena. I truly hope that you can overcome this, and admire your motivation to reach your goals. The nightmares are your spirit's way of crying for help and that you need to process and talk about what happened to you. If therapy isn't an option, the PTSD workbook and Reclaiming your Life After Rape are good self-help tools.

I understand not wanting to burden people with your trauma, but real friends and loving family are there to hear and support you.

**Charleena** · 11-17-2011 10:34 PM

Hey everyone... it's been awhile, so I thought I should update you.

I'm doing better in some areas and worse in others. I've gotten over the cutting thing, but it's a constant struggle. I haven't caved in almost two months now. I was doing better about the rape thing, but a couple weeks ago I got jumped by a gang and I got scared pretty bad and that made everything even worse. But I've been talking to a friend who I take on online writing class with, and he's helped me some. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm going to crash again. It's made me very standoffish.

Thanks for any help,

xCharlie

**caterpillar79** · 11-17-2011 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by Charleena

Hey everyone... it's been awhile, so I thought I should update you.

I'm doing better in some areas and worse in others. I've gotten over the cutting thing, but it's a constant struggle. I haven't caved in almost two months now. I was doing better about the rape thing, but a couple weeks ago I got jumped by a gang and I got scared pretty bad and that made everything even worse. But I've been talking to a friend who I take on online writing class with, and he's helped me some. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm going to crash again. It's made me very standoffish.

Thanks for any help,

xCharlie

These types of things happen and I am so proud of you for sticking it out and hanging in there. I, too, am a rape victim and still find myself struggling at some point with some triggers that I have yet to learn to deal with and it has been a long time ago since the incident happened. Keep talking to a friend, find yourself a counselor you can trust and you can also blog here (when you reach 33 posts) and pour your heart out. Keep a journal of how you feel, write them all down as they occur - that is a very good catharsis.

Get plenty of rest, eat well, exercise regularly and engage in a new hobby. Do some yoga or belly dancing, something new to you. Find something you like/love to do and possibly do so on a regular basis. That should help you a little bit more.

**leahbia_83008** · 12-08-2011 02:36 PM

i know this is an old thread but i REALLY want to add my two cents to this . . .

charleena, i truly hope you have found the strength to talk to your family about this. not only does an experience like yours harm you mentally, it can also leave physical scars such as unwanted pregnancies, std's, hiv, etc. so if you have not been tested, i would recommend you do so. it is so, so, so important to express your feelings in order to help you recover -- don't feel like you have to be a big girl all the time and simply "deal" with it. this is not going to help you accept what has happened to you. so tell your parents, find a trusted counselor that can teach you techniques to cope with your struggles & please, please, please stop punishing yourself for something you could not prevent.

**Charleena** · 03-28-2012 12:22 AM

I'm not sure if anyone even comes around here anymore... but I might as well update...

Things are better, and some things are worse. I still haven't told my family about being raped... but end of last year I become boyfriend/girlfriend with a guy I've known for awhile... I told him a few weeks ago about what happened. Then he dumped me because he felt guilty and told me he was cheating on me (because I wouldn't have sex with him yet...). That made me paranoid for awhile, because I would always get the thought that he would track me down and rape me, even though he never showed a physical threat like that, but it's just a pace I go through in my head no matter what. After that, my cutting relapsed... bad... and a lot of that is because two months ago I broke three more ribs and will never be able to do the physical action of the USMC. So... dreams shattered there. Dad's turned into an alcoholic. Parents are getting a divorce as soon as I leave for college.

That's the bad. But I got accepted into Stanford biology, so I'm going there this fall... I'm hoping the clean slate will set me in the right direction. I'm not planning on telling anyone else what happened. I don't want to go to a counselor or therapist... I feel okay dealing with the facts now of what happened. I seem like an average kid. Everyone thinks I'm smart and happy all the time. Sometimes on the inside I go back to the depression... but I'm having fun getting ready for university, so that's keeping me busy. It's the bright light at the end of the tunnel to get away from everything I have been.

Thanks for all the words and encouragement. I hope still that because I can't accept it all, you do know that I appreciate it. I know I'm stubborn and that it isn't good. But it makes me feel a lot better to know that someone actually takes two minutes out of their day to just connect with me. It means a lot, so thank you all.

xCharlie

**jns** · 03-28-2012 07:22 PM

Charlie, I hope you reconsider some of the advice given earlier. I'm sorry that your dream of going in the USMC won't come true. You said you are going to Stanford. Good for you! A good education at Stanford will give you a great boost for great career or whatever you wish to do. Stanford will have student services that can help you come to terms with the rape and move on in a positive way. You still have a lot of issues that need to be addressed. Keep on being social: you will eventually find a guy who will understand you and be patient until you are ready.

**Charleena** · 03-28-2012 11:27 PM

Why do I have to get help on dealing with these things? I'm handling them a lot better now. If I go to someone, I lose this entire foundation I've been building. I don't trust people and I don't want to talk to them about this personal stuff... I don't have the nightmares anymore. That was the only thing really messing me up... I'm fine now. Thanks for the words of encouragement.