Dealing with the aftermath of being raped?

**Charleena** · 09-25-2011 03:40 PM

Last year when I was sixteen, I was date raped. I never told anyone and I somehow managed to make myself ignore and even forget what happened for a year, but now I'm officially showing signs of it etching away at me.

I have awful nightmares about being raped. Even though I was drugged when it happened to me, my dreams don't steer away from imagination. Almost every night now I wake up screaming and dripping with sweat; the dreams are so horrible. It's getting to the point where I feel paranoid to even sleep and I'm even more on edge whenever I go out into town, especially if I'm by myself. The depression that comes along with this hurts and I don't like feeling so scared and hateful all of the time - but for some reason I can't help the emotions.

I don't know what to do. Therapy isn't really an option for me. Talking to my parents or friends is totally out of the question. I feel very alone. The dreams are what I want to overcome, since they impact me the most and affect my physical well being also, but I don't know how to control them. I've tried home remedies like lavender baths and all natural sleep medications - those don't work. I've tried watching light hearted and happy movies before sleeping - didn't help. I've even tried prescribed sleep medications and those didn't drive the nightmares away. I'm a Christian and strong in my faith, but the prayers aren't relieving the darkness either. Unfortunately I tried cutting, but those scars only remind me of why they're there. I feel like I'm running out of options, and that's terrifying when I think about it.

What can I do next? I'm becoming desperate.

**Crystalblue** · 09-25-2011 03:57 PM

I can't tell you strongly enough, you need to sit down with your mom and tell her what happened! Just tell her and let it go. You need some help here. There's nothing wrong with you. You had somebody violate you and a bubble bath and happy movie isn't going to fix that.

I would say go to your mom, but a trusted teacher or school counselor can get things started for you to get the help you need. Do you know who raped you? If so, you could help make sure they don't hurt somebody else in the future.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-25-2011 03:59 PM

Charleena,

I think you just took your first step in helping to recover, you wrote it all down and put it out there, that was a brave thing to do..

I understand being religous why you don't want to talk to your family but surely they are aware that you are having problems?

Therapy is really an option it depends on how you get it, in other words, just talking about it is therapy in itself as you are doing.

In reality the way to heal is to talk about it, talk about how you feel about the situation, that night, the person, at the moment you are in the aftermath as you explain, dealing with the knowledge once you can go back and talk about what and how, and who and realise you were a victim, and these types of people can not destroy our lives, you are no longer his victim.

Do you fear you may see him again one day, does he live in the same area?

I think if you talk about it which will be hard, you will lose some of the fear and hopefully get stronger in the knowledge he can't hurt you anymore, and you refuse to allow him to impact your life and make you feel the way you do.

**jns** · 09-25-2011 04:33 PM

Are the leaders of your church bound to confidentiality? If so, can you confide in one of them who can help you talk this out and help you spiritually, also. If it is possibly, a woman may be better than a man for you in this.

**Charleena** · 09-25-2011 07:00 PM

Thank you all for your answers so far.

The reason I can't go to therapy or counseling is because I can't have any of those marks on my mental health records since the job I'll be applying for doesn't allow such. It's not an option.
I don't have a bread and butter relationship with my parents. I love them, but they're unstable as a marriage and something like this would provoke them into fighting which makes the situation even worse in my eyes. I would tell my best friend... but she lives on the other side of the country and I feel wrong burdening her with just the thoughts of my troubles when there's not much she can do.

Basically, I'm on my own. I just want to get over the nightmares right now. Is there anything I can do?

**Crystalblue** · 09-25-2011 07:25 PM

If there's any way you could talk with your mom, I would still urge you to. This is a time for you to focus on what you need and not worry so much about how she would handle it. If not, the only other thing I would suggest is getting it out however you can. Telling your friend might really help you. She wouldn't need to do anything, but be an ear for you, someone that cares about you and can listen.

Also writing it out here. It's anonymous. Nobody here knows you, and you can find support and people to lean on.

**Charleena** · 09-25-2011 09:36 PM

I want to talk to my friend, but I just don't think it will be to any advantage... it's hard telling someone about how I was raped and hurt when they live so far away for it to really even matter...

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-25-2011 10:01 PM

Therapy will help you to realize that you are not what happened to you. That you are still the you that you were before and can still go on to be whatever you that you allow yourself to be. That is something you need, therapy. You can go to a local rape crisis center anonymously. No one will know and you can be comforted by women that can fully understand what you have gone through.

Unfortunately many many women go through some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime, some will let it eat away at their spirit for far longer than they should. You can decide for yourself that you will no longer let this monster continue to hurt you, emotionally. I think seeing a counselor could really help you get to that point.

You have to understand that there is more to you than what he did, that you can't allow him to take away any more from you than he already has. Despite the lows it sometimes has, Life is beautiful and you have and will continue to experience more good in this world than the bad that happened to you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-26-2011 03:21 AM

Originally Posted by Charleena

I want to talk to my friend, but I just don't think it will be to any advantage... it's hard telling someone about how I was raped and hurt when they live so far away for it to really even matter...

Charleena, what is the job you want to apply for that you feel having any record of "therapy" would jepodise?

You know what? My "sister" of 20 years in friendship lives in Scotland, me in Australia and when ever either one is down? We turn to each other and we tell the truth, talk about anything and it's rewarding because it's off our chest finally. Reach out and talk to her to start with off course it matters she is your friend.

You are also viewing your parents wrongly, in situations like this, all abused people assume it will cause problems, even when I was abused in my marriage, and told by my then husband that my own family agreed with him, and doesn't love me, he lied, and he was so wrong, they were there with open arms, you have to remember they are Adults have heard/seen everything in life, they love you they will be there for you I promise.

Start with your friend, you need to get this out and stay with us please, we are here as well.

**Charleena** · 09-26-2011 08:40 AM

The 'job' that I was referring to is that I'm enlisting in the USMC when I'm eighteen. It's been a dream of mine for years, before I was raped, and I want to reach my goal. But therapy for what happened to me will not help me get accepted. It most likely will kick me out the door. But enlisting is very important to me and I'm NOT going to let it go because I was violated by scum.

If I do decide to talk to my friend, what do I tell her? Just that I was raped? I don't think she needs to know how it happened. . . would I just tell her and keep it simple or what?