Is it unhealthy to live your life a certain way?

**thecatlady** · 11-24-2011 03:28 PM

Obviously, some ways of life are healthier than others. I'm not talking about anything physical or chemical, like drugs or self-harm. I just mean I'm extremely introverted. And all my life, everyone seems to be trying to push me into social situations in which I am very uncomfortable. I know people say that you should force yourself to socialize with others and to do things you know will push you out of your comfort zone, and I do -- to an extent.

I have gotten a little better at public speaking, and even at making friends. I still typically only have 1 or 2 friends at any given time, and usually I just do things with them, and not really with other people, unless they happen to be there at the same time. I just prefer to be alone about 95% of the time.

I feel like people interpret wanting to be alone as being depressed or unhealthy, but I don't feel depressed or unhealthy. I don't shut myself out from the world completely -- I typically text a friend at least once a day, even if it's over something very minor. My mom calls me at least once a week, and I talk to my dad and brothers at least once or twice a month. So it's not like I'm antisocial, I just would prefer to be doing solitary activities most of the time.

I guess the whole point of me making this post is just to be reassured that this is okay. I feel so guilty sometimes, turning down invitations and making up excuses (usually, that I'm sick or busy or tired or whatever) since I don't want to hurt people's feelings by telling them I just really don't feel like socializing at that time. Is this normal? Have I been deluding myself all this time into believing my behavior is healthy when it's not?

I've read that extroverts live longer than introverts, so maybe it is unhealthy to be extremely introverted. To be honest, the lifespan thing doesn't really bother me that much. Maybe introverts are more stressed from worrying about the same things that I do? I just don't know. Does anyone else feel the same way?

**mulasi** · 11-24-2011 04:52 PM

There is nothing unhealthy about this. Your personality is your own. I am very much the same way only I get really upset or nauseous when I am around people or in crowds. I prefer to be within my own thoughts but I have trained myself to be able to get by long enough to work with other people and I actually work well with others and do empathize with others. I want to be a doctor and I know that it will involve being around others and I am fine with that because I know I have a passion for helping others. I am just not a social butterfly. I skip a lot of invites to hang out with others because it is just not my scene and I much rather do things by myself but I am a generally happy person. Laughter and joy will keep you living longer. No one can say for sure that being an extrovert guarantees that you will live longer in the same way that being evil or doing bad things will keep you alive longer because "good people die young". I think the situation is different relative to each person. If you like doing things on your own then go ahead! As long as you feel comfortable and happy doing it, you will live a happy life filled with peace.

**Aeryn Sun** · 11-24-2011 08:25 PM

Being alone 95% of the time may be entirely too much.
Penitentiaries started out with people being confined alone to repent. It soon became an insane asylum from the lack of socialization.

I guess the whole point of me making this post is just to be reassured that this is okay. I feel so guilty sometimes, turning down invitations and making up excuses (usually, that I'm sick or busy or tired or whatever) since I don't want to hurt people's feelings by telling them I just really don't feel like socializing at that time. Is this normal?

Is what Normal? Feeling guilty for the repeated lies to friends over and over?
I would really feel guilty if I lied to my friends, over and over and over, instead of being able to open up and tell them the truth. If you can't tell them the truth, and have the inability to state that yes, you like being alone, then maybe there is an issue with it.

I can't go into details, but I work with my counties mental health facility and talk with people in three different counties. Ours is urban, the other two are very rural. Isolation is not a good thing in terms of mental health. It may not cause you to die sooner, but your mental stability before then can be jeopardized.

**ItsASecret** · 11-25-2011 11:48 AM

You are not alone catlady. I am very introverted. I do not have any real friends, only talk to and hang out occasionally with my bf's friends, at school I rarely talk to anyone and if I do it is to help them with their work, I do not party, I do not "let loose", I do not drink heavily, I do not search out mass groups, I turn down invitations to parties and anything that involves clubs or dancing....I just do not like that social scene. It just how we are. Being by yourself is fine, what counts is what makes you happy. If staying at home and watching a movie is what makes you happy then do that. It is not a social requirement that you go out and inject yourself into situations. Happiness is also not dependent on the number of friends you have. Just do the things that make you happy.

I can't go into details, but I work with my counties mental health facility and talk with people in three different counties. Ours is urban, the other two are very rural. Isolation is not a good thing in terms of mental health. It may not cause you to die sooner, but your mental stability before then can be jeopardized.

Choosing to be alone does not cause or lead to mental disorders or weaken mental stability. The individuals in mental facilities are not there because there were not social butterflies growing up. They are there due to a plethora of reasons from heredity and genetics to the environmental upbringings. But there is no way to say "yeah if you are not out and about you are pretty much setting yourself up for mental instability". People choose to be alone because they want to be, they are not social butterflies and do not want to be. I choose not to drink heavily, I choose avoid "partying it up", I choose to avoid mass social gatherings, I choose to avoid being the center of attention, I choose to sit down and not dance anywhere anytime, I choose to not start up a conversation with anyone that passes by on the street or at a gathering, if people talk to me then okay cool I will talk to them but I am not going to actively search out socialization. It is just something I do not like doing, I do not like to be a social butterfly so I do not...much like the OP. And yet my life is gearing up to be a heck of a successful one and I am happy about that, void of mental instability (well outside of depression caused by school papers, midterms and finals lol).

**Aeryn Sun** · 11-25-2011 07:13 PM

Only going off of the OP question. "Is it unhealthy to live your life a certain way?" My answer still stands in relation to mental health as this is in the "Mental health" section.

OP, We can't post links, but you seem to have already looked up things on anxiety and lifespan. Google, "Social Isolation and Mental Illness". There is a plethora of reasons why people suffer from mental issues, and the triggers for these are vast as well. I am not saying you have one, or will get one, but that yes, being isolated can jeopardize a persons mental stability. Enjoyment of being alone is normal, but so is having social interaction that is face to face, not via text/facebook/email/skype. If you are happy with your 95% solitude, be happy with it, but don't cover it up to your friends

You can also Google, The Connection Gap. This in relation to technology, and the void of human interaction, by choice.

**rosekitten** · 11-25-2011 08:47 PM

'Eh, I wouldn't say it's unhealthy, if you're happy living that way. I spend a lot of time alone, but I do go out and socialize when I have the money. I enjoy people, but I still spend quite a bit of time by myself, also quite contently.

**caterpillar79** · 11-26-2011 11:47 AM

Introverts and extroverts operate differently. Introverts need their time alone more than anyone else in order to feel recharged and happy. In the opposite side of the spectrum are the extroverts who need the company of other people to feel whole and happy. There may be some who fall in-between, but there is always the dominant part of you whether you mostly prefer to be alone or with other people.

Wanting to be alone doesn't necessarily mean you are living in an unhealthy way. That's the way you are wired, so that's how you are! You are fine.

Personally, I only have time for 3 people around me then I hurry up to a corner and be on my own. People who don't know me think I am anti-social or that I am a party-pooper. So what? My job forces me to be with a lot of kids all at the same time, jumping, running, shouting - during my lunch duty - and yes, it drives me nuts! I literally feel nauseous during that assignment and thank goodness, it's only once a week.

Read the book, Introvert Power by Laurie Helgoe, PhD. This will give you more insight. It helped me understand myself more (and my husband, who happens to be an introvert as well).