Issues causing relationship to dwindle..

**AnglerLove** · 01-12-2012 11:54 PM

I need to talk to a professional but I don't know where to begin on knowing what type of doctor /therapist I need

I have huge trust issues and it's causing my current relationship to take a turn for the worst. Ive had a lot of true issues in my past with boyfriends and friends. I am 26 and want to settle down with my boyfriend (of 2 1/2yrs)and take next the step and possibly get engaged to him. He has put up with a lot from me for a while and is still wiling to come with me because he loves me and wants me to get help so we can move forward with our relationship.

My trust issues aren't the only problem..I'm extremely insecure, I get anxiety when I start to over analyze situations. It's like I look for things to catch him doing because that's what I am expecting, but he's never really done anything for me to suspect anything...but him being too good to be true makes me feel like there has to be something.

I just really want help. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and start a family..and he does too. It's just my issues that are in the way. I need to over come them and trying to do it on my own (with his support of course) isn't working. Just when i think im moving foward, I revert back to being paranoid..

Any advice would be great

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-21-2012 01:41 AM

Hi AnglerLove

Welcome to the Forum and I am so sorry we missed your thread...Just happened to check individual subjects to see if any thread was missed...

Two and a half years is a great amount of time to be with someone, who is there for you, seems like a great guy huh?

I think that you would find that this stems from other boyfriends before him and you can't believe that you have what you have, believe it.

Anxiety is real, so first off see your Doctor please.. And then discuss what you have here, with your Doctor they will point you in the right direction.

One thing only you can teach yourself, belief.

Believe in yourself sweet.. Your boyfriend chose you because of you, he wants to marry you, so you must have alot of goodness, write those down and re-read over and over again... It's true...

Others will answer from here, hopefully even those who can relate to you.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-21-2012 10:35 AM

You have to take a deep breath, let go and live hun. You are destroying what could be beautiful over the fear it could potentially be destroyed. Do you see the vicious circle of self-fullfilling prophecy this creates? You have to take comfort in the fact that you have no control over anyone but yourself, what ever will be will be and enjoy the here and now. If you waste away the here and now fearing it may fall apart at any moment... thats wasting what you have, making him miserable as well as yourself... and all for the fear something MAY happen, when nothing he's done has given you reason to believe that anyway.

Things could be perfect, perfect... in a relationship then one day a partner just checks out. Love doesn't come with a guarentee... and if he's going to cheat or leave you, it will happen no matter how much you fight it and try to prevent it. I'm not saying that to scare you, I'm saying that to make you realize worrying about it is futile. Now if he's a good man that just wants to love you and you are treating him like you're his probation officer.. he may get tired of living that way, tired of always having to earn your trust, tired of having to constantly prove you are worth something.

Just enjoy the here and now and the promise of your future. Love him, let him love you , and relax. There is no predicting the future, but there is optimism and enjoying life and that is the key to happiness. Pulling your hair out in a dark corner over the what if's is robbing you and him of the happiness you could have.