Thread: I hate the way I look

I just turned 55 this last August and I cannot look into a mirror or do I even want to leave my home.
When I was younger, I always looked very young for my age, up until about 5 years ago. However, I have never in my life felt pretty. I had a broken large nose, moles all over my face, extremely short, usually somewhat over weight and was teased constantly all of my life.
Now all of a sudden, it seems like I've aged 20 years.
My mother has always been in the television and motion picture industry and was beautiful from day one and even now at 74, she looks like she could be my much younger sister. Of course she has had quite a bit of "work" done on her face due to her job, but no matter, I still just cringe when I look at myself.
I had Botox and lip plumping and some filler done last year and for a wee bit, I did feel better. But, now it has all worn off and all I see is a misshapen face, with a crooked smile and saggy jowls ad huge fatty bags under my eyes. I hate even going to the market with my husband (who says I am pretty... he is so sweet) but I KNOW what I look like and am beginning to feel (even more) depressed at the way I look.
I have lost over 60 pounds in the last few years and I'm sure that added to the saggyness of my face and neck, but this ugly duckling has NEVER felt pretty.
I am worried that I will no longer want to leave my home at all soon, not to mention I almost feel suicidal when I look at my face and neck.
My body is also in terrible shape from having my 3 wonderful sons, each over 8 to 10 pound babies, however I can hide that under clothes. But, unless I become a Muslim and wear a face covering, there is no getting around having to see my ugly, aging face.
I just wanted to be able to tell someone how I feel and not have them pacify me by saying that I look okay for my age.
I would LOVE to have plastic surgery, but do not have the kind of money to afford such a huge amount (about $20,000 from what I've heard) that it would cost. The Botox and all I did last year was way too much money and even my dermatologist said I needed a face-lift.
I wanted to know if there were other women out there that shared my self loathing and depression over their looks.
I just do not know what to do or where to turn.
I've gone to psychiatrists and psychologists many times over my lifetime, but haven't seemed to help at all.
Please share your stories with me.