|
Has anyone ever felt as though they were going to wake up one morning and not be themself anymore? I was nearly killed in an accident ten years ago that resulted in nerve damage, combine that with a mystery virus the hospital "gave" me, I ended up with Multiple Sclerosis and Fibromyalgia. I lost my home, career, husband (He didn't like the thought of caring for someone who was disabled. Good riddance.), and eventually due to all the strain on my body and mental facilities, my FAS/FDS foster daughter I had raised since 3 days old for eleven years. I found someone I thought was for me, and I know deep down he is, but dealing for the last nine years with his crazy ex-wife [Yes, really crazy. she has been locked up for mental probs (personality disorder from childhood,violence and pathological lying)twice and once for domestic abuse against kids and husband.] and his anger management troubled son and bi-polar daughter, I think I am losing myself. After the daughter deliberately kicked me in the stomach last summer causing the death of my unborn twins, and stealing my identity paperwork--all of it including my military, personal, and medical records. I am not looking forward to her 14 year old butt returning this fall from a Mom who wants nothing to do with her but is loudly saying she is going to follow her now grown son around the world from one military base to the other. That hasnt helped the daughter who is also dealing with a case of transferred abandonment and rage issues she has been dumping on me for years because of the issues she has with said Mom. Combine that with another bad accident (rearended in a three car pile up with me in the middle last December) which has damaged my head with a closed head injury, torn muscle in my shoulder and neck injuries the hospital inadequeately cared for which have always caused fainting and dizziness, and headaches. I have just about had it. I wake up on edge, and my poor husband catches it if he doesnt pull through with what he said he would do. (He still has troubles not putting his ex behind me and our 3 year old son.) I feel that if he even starts to lean that way, after nine years of experience I now explode immediately. I get too angry with life, and no longer seem to look for the good. The only real good in my life has been my miracle son after 8 miscarriages. The twins were going to make it, as well, but thanks to little B, I lost them to what is commonly called murder. But, do you think he would sign anything to get her help? NOOOOO. His ex and her yelling put an end to that. I now controlt the ex with the threat of seeing her daughter in prison if the ex crosses me again. I actually dont want to deal with any of those wacked out losers anymore. My nerves cannot handle it. The docs say it is because of the pain and trauma I am currently going through, but knowing it wont stop the crazy "I'm disappearing into something evil" feeling. Any way to get over this mess and get me back for the sake of my son and me? My husband has been working really hard to put us first for the last two months, and seems to be continuing in his efforts, but I just feel I will totally lose it when the bi-polar mess hits here again. Her screaming, crying, cursing, and violent behaviours swinging straight into super sweet, "I've done nothing wrong, why are you so mean to me?" routines are too much for any sensible person, let alone an injured woman trying to protect her innocent son from all the madness.I know there has to be a way to work with bi-polar older siblings so that the younger ones are not harmed mentally or emotionally. But, HOW? How do I stop feeling lost and disappearing so I can get stronger to protect myself and my son not just here but anywhere? ANy suggestions I can apply immediately without waiting for an appointment time with a thereapist? Thank you for any help anyone can provide.
|
08-04-2007, 03:40 AM
Has anone ever felt like they were losing themself, and they would just disappear?
Linear Mode
