I think my sweet.. The pain of that death, and even of your Father before, has made you "have" to toughen up and you are frightened of love.
Do you know why you love your children? They can't hurt you, it's un-conditional love, everything else can and has hurt you.
It's "OK" to let love in. We all get hurt. It's the nature of the beast, it's how we "see it that is different".
I hate the thought of Doctors going ah give him/her antidepressents.. were are you suicidual? What about self love? Before all those things happened to you and the dreams you had after and the love for your children, you know how to love, I think you need to start with yourself.
I am going to share with you something I haven't at all..
My fiance, his marriage ended, he feared over never seeing his daughter or seeing her less. He was offered antidepressents.. The other night he told me, as we met a few weeks after all of this (after him living at home seperately for 8 months ) "You saved me".. I gave him a reason, a belief and he was told how beautiful he was.. That was all it took, no drugs.
You are beautiful... What happened to you was horrible, forgive and let go.. If you allow this demon to stay in your life, you will continue to fear to love outside of your children.
Someone took.. They don't own you. You own you..
Go and own yourself.. Love is beautiful, and yes you may still get hurt but you know what? It's worth more than fear and pain is it not?
Trust you . Like you..