Thread: Healing a broken heart

You close it for yourself. If he won't answer your calls, texts, etc, and won't give you any reason, if he's across the country and about to go to war ... I mean, what? Oh, in general >.> Close it for yourself and forget him.
You stalk him on Myspace and Facebook until you realize that he's never going to find someone like you. Then you move on and roll the dice again.
Hope you get the 12 you deserve.

Originally Posted by sourpuss

How do you move on from a broken heart. Especially when there is no closure.

I want to congratulate you on trying to talk about your situation. That is one of the first steps to recovery. If you have someone you can trust to talk to about what your situation that would be good for you. Right now you need a friend. Otherwise, we'll do our best to talk to you. It's been a few years since I had a broken heart, but I remember the pain very well. Here are my suggestions:

1) If you have already expressed your feelings to the significant other and there is no chance of reconcilliation, then don't call and stay away from him/her.
2) Find something to do to keep you very busy and you want think about them as much. Any hobby you've been wanting to learn, now is a good time.
3) When you find yourself thinking about them, redirect your thoughts to something else. If you keep thinking about them it keeps the pain alive.
4) Volunteer at a community service somewhere, they need and would love to have your love around them.
5) If you feel like crying go ahead and get it all out and move on with your life.
6) Pray and ask God to strengthen you to get through this.

Originally Posted by commonsense

I want to congratulate you on trying to talk about your situation. That is one of the first steps to recovery. If you have someone you can trust to talk to about what your situation that would be good for you. Right now you need a friend. Otherwise, we'll do our best to talk to you. It's been a few years since I had a broken heart, but I remember the pain very well. Here are my suggestions:

1) If you have already expressed your feelings to the significant other and there is no chance of reconcilliation, then don't call and stay away from him/her.
2) Find something to do to keep you very busy and you want think about them as much. Any hobby you've been wanting to learn, now is a good time.
3) When you find yourself thinking about them, redirect your thoughts to something else. If you keep thinking about them it keeps the pain alive.
4) Volunteer at a community service somewhere, they need and would love to have your love around them.
5) If you feel like crying go ahead and get it all out and move on with your life.
6) Pray and ask God to strengthen you to get through this.

that is great advice, thank you.

Common Sense you are aptly named. I would say that taking time to appreciate and get to know yourself also helps a great deal. Once you're broken hearted you often get doubts that come with the pain and the negative thoughts now associated with the person. I'm not talking about conceit of a prideful ego trip here. Not at all. Just reading good books that help you to get to know yourself. Watching movies that make you feel good. Doing activities that help you grow like education, going to the gym, etc. (Same as the new hobby advice given) Basically get optimistic about you- improving yourself while having a good healthy attitude works wonders. This also attracts all kinds of great positive people to you which helps a lot. Once you can enjoy your own company many others will too.

It is a rather unhappy fact that it takes you as about as
long to get over someone as you were involved with them.

If a relationship lasted three years, consider three years
the length of time it will take for you to be over him.

To move the process along you have to go through the
'mourning' stages.

Usually you have a denial, then the search for reasons,
then the big cry, then more reflections, another big
cry, then hurt, then anger, then reworked reflections.

To jump the process a bit, remember the bad times. Don't
harp on the good times, unless you can find a thorn on
the rose.

Yes, you had a great time at the dance, but look how late
he was in coming to get you.
(Things like that).

During your big cry, let yourself go, really get into it,
cry it all out. Don't stop, just let it all go.

Then you can hate him for making you cry like that.

(Try to get all of this done in one night)

Now teach yourself a method of redirection.

Every time you think of him look at something neutral.
It could be tree, a tea pot, anything. Just as you
think of him immediately look at the object and while
you look at it, tell yourself to stop thinking about
him. Give yourself strict instructions to stop.

Then do something. If you are studying or cleaning
the bathroom, whatever, do something immediately.

As he goes back into your mind, you go back to your
object, and repeat your instructions, then go and
do something.

At first it seems ****** and wasting time.
It isn't.

You are training yourself to stop thinking about him.
Eventually, as the thought of him comes into your
mind, within a nanosecond you have put your eyes
on the object, and repeating your command, then
doing something.

Within a remarkably short time you have taught yourself
NOT to think of him.

Once he is no longer your waking companion you are
in the healing process.

To enhance the process you change things. You
may change your appearance, where you live, whatever
'reminds' you of him or whatever he knew you to be.

You get involved in activities, you do things that he
didn't approve of..not self destructive things; for
example, you liked the Ballet, he didn't. Now you
go to the ballet.

He loved football, you now hate it.

He loved your long blonde hair, it is now short and
brown.

These are just examples.

You don't throw yourself into another relationship
until the period is over; (as I mentioned in the first
sentence).

You don't want to use anyone, you don't want a
surrogate. You want a lot of very light and minor
friendships with different people.

Overwrite memories.

If you went with him to a particular restaurant,
you go by yourself or with a group of friends and
you so focus into the moment that when you
think of that restaurant you think of being there
by yourself or with others.

Treat yourself gently. Do nice things for yourself,
love yourself.