Growing up i was what you would call a social butterfly. I was always the star of the school play, i was a cheerleader, i played other sports, point blank, i had no problem being the center of attention.

well when my senior year of high school rolled around, i kind of let myself turn into the school skank. this lifestyle lasted for me for a year and a half until i started dating my current boyfriend and i have been a nonskank for 9 months now.

well because of the way i acted in high school i lost a lot of my close friends, and the ones i thought i still had....i later found out sure had a lot of bad things to say about me and to me. because of this i have lost my ability to trust other people and make friends.

i am constantly worrying that people are talking about me. so i dont do anything anymore. i dont go to parties i dont invite people to hang out with me. i just have my boyfriend.

i have recently realized my behavior is seriously affecting my relationship. because of my lack of friends or things to do i want my boyfriend around 24/7. i try and make him feel bad when he wants to go be with his friends for awhile. and i know this type of thing has got to stop. but i just dont know how to get over this fear that my every action is being judged.

i miss my old life of having friends and having people to talk to all the time. so does anyone have any advice on how to get it back??

Well, I'm not sure what you did to upset your friends, but if you apologized for what you did, and apologizing didn't make a dent, then you may have to let go of those particular friends and start fresh. Your description of events make it sound like you've finished high school, well that's when most people start over again. I lost touch with my friends after high school and had to make new ones, too. Try to pick yourself up and start again.

All of this anxiety you're feeling is because of low self-esteem, I think. The people that are talking junk about you, whether they are right or not, aren't your friends anymore. You're worried about getting the approval of people ticked off at you and, from what you've said, don't like you anymore. Don't worry about them anymore, and try to let them go. Try to find ways to boost your self-esteem by first realizing, as I did, that you can't find your worth in the opinions of other people.

I had a hard time with this, too. Heck, I think everyone does at one time or another. I found that trust is something that is earned over a period of time, it's just part of getting to know someone new. It was probably the same way with your old friends.
You can take you time trusting the new people in your life. When you decide to trust a new friend, try to protect yourself by not depending on them too much at first, until you know you can.

I'm not sure if any of this helps, but I hope it might give you some ideas.