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Thread: Husband was abused as a child

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    Default Husband was abused as a child


    My husband just revealed to me that he was sexually abused as a child by his brother. He has never told anyone this and he only told me because I forced it out of him, as he has been exhibiting symptoms of depression over the last few weeks. He cries all the time, is stressed, anxious etc. We have a 9 month old son and he has told me that over the last few days, he has lost the emotional connection that he has had with our son. He says he looks at him and feels nothing. I wonder if it is due to what he went through as a child. He says that he never wants anything bad to happen to our son. Everytime he looks at our son though he starts crying. This worries me a great deal! I should tell you my hubby is a wonderful, warm caring person and has never exhibited any kind of aggressive behaviour. I don't fear for my safety or my child's safety. I just want to get him help and he has agreed to speak to a counsellor. Any advice or words of wisdom. I feel alone as I can't talk to anyone about this. I also feel overwhelmed as I'm dealing with this and suddenly feels as though I'm on my own raising our little boy....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mommy21 View Post
    My husband just revealed to me that he was sexually abused as a child by his brother. He has never told anyone this and he only told me because I forced it out of him, as he has been exhibiting symptoms of depression over the last few weeks. He cries all the time, is stressed, anxious etc. We have a 9 month old son and he has told me that over the last few days, he has lost the emotional connection that he has had with our son. He says he looks at him and feels nothing. I wonder if it is due to what he went through as a child. He says that he never wants anything bad to happen to our son. Everytime he looks at our son though he starts crying. This worries me a great deal! I should tell you my hubby is a wonderful, warm caring person and has never exhibited any kind of aggressive behaviour. I don't fear for my safety or my child's safety. I just want to get him help and he has agreed to speak to a counsellor. Any advice or words of wisdom. I feel alone as I can't talk to anyone about this. I also feel overwhelmed as I'm dealing with this and suddenly feels as though I'm on my own raising our little boy....

    It is sad that he has kept this to himself locked away for so long but it is true love that he can speak to you about it, perhaps as a result of seeing his son and the flood of memories that has now come to surfice but it is you whom he has told.

    Whilst i am sure your heart is breaking, take that love that he has given you by believing in you and believe in him and give him every bit of support you can and love back.

    The fact that he has opened up to you and reached out and has agreed with councelling is a major great step all in the right direction.

    I suggest that you also get private councelling on how best to cope with it yourself, him and your baby as it will be a tough road for a while..

    Take care.

    CW

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    Hi, i know how your DH feels, oh so well. I two was raped as a child for 12 years. from as early as i can remeber. I was done by my father and older brother. Not in the same was as your DH, but i know how he would feel.

    Best thing for him is to seek help from someone to talk to and dissucse the issues he has. as for the crying all the time, i might be that the memories are starting to come back, that would be hard for your DH as this would mean that he might bee seeing your child as the one it is being done to. (i know that my fear is if i have girl then i will have this.)

    i have seek helped. (now on meds) and have talked to my DH about it and can now talk open without any worry at all. (have been able to for years).

    You talking to your DH about it and how it will change his life might help him as well, as he will see that you wont judge him for any reason due to this matter. (i know that helps the build up how he feels about the issue)

    If you need to talk more, i am here, and know where he stands.
    Me ~ 27
    DH ~ 29
    DS ~27 months (BFed until 7.3.07.) I am going to be a Big Brother in July 08.
    D? EDD 10th of July 08. 147 BPM.
    [link=http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/][image noborder]http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev191pb___.png[/image][/link]

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