Please help.... newly diagnosed BPD Patient but consequences for years for the affects of the disorder on my choices and life actions. Lost jobs, lost loves, loss of control, deep mood swings... if you know it you know the I feel and trying so hard to fit in to society just to "make it through." Still trying new meds, others were not good. I was even in an affair with a married man and it ended recently. There is no where to turn for understanding or for the pain to stop aside from a new counsellor. I have been cheated on before with my husband of my youth which we of course ended in divorce... became a Christian and gave up sex for 15 years and no long term relationships in there, then I isolated so much I was so lonely I thought I would die and then I did what I never thought I would ever do and became a mistress because like other ****** desperate women I believed he would divorce. The last couple years I have lost 2 jobs, endured the pain of learning of my mother's cancer, loving this man, getting this harsh diagnosis and feeling like trash, to top the cherry on the cake I was "dismissed" as that "best friend for life" and lover role. Humiliated, angry, repented etc... but I'm emotionally lower than ever before. I was told I would get some possessions back, but it never happened and since then the wife gave me a message and told me if I contact her or her family ever she will consider it harassment. He won't move a muscle now without her permission and I will not receive contact, and I am afraid he has agreed to report everything to keep from getting a divorce so he will tell her if I contact him with an email just asking for something back. I don't want to harass, I just feel humiliated and this means a lot to me. It was something engraved with the declaration of our agreed forever bond. I know I am hated by everyone, the other woman, home wrecker etc.... I am alone in this and can talk to no one. I am dead inside, completely alone, and my medication imbalance makes me rageful, hurt, continually in despair. Please, I've been on both sides of this mistress thing, and I know all the conviction and haven't let myself forget how ****** and humiliating I have been treated and have hurt others. Now I have to pick up the pieces of my entire life and try to get healthy and I don't know if I'll survive the pain of all this. Help, and please give me some mercy. There's always more than the cover of the book to judge why I would do such a thing. I've lost everything, no money or support, no savings, lost the man I loved in a few moments in a public place, never even got to talk about anything, just the announcement he could no longer have me in his life that he wanted to work on his marriage, I have a complete breakdown that I have hidden this from the world for 2 years and... well on and on. I don't know if I'll survive this, and I admit I feel so betrayed that I was so crazy I actually believed he wanted me and we would be together. My faith is on a shoestring, and I'm in constant pain from his complete disappearance from my life in just a moment. Help, only if you can do it with the forgiveness of Jesus because I can't take any more shame and guilt, I've been drowning in it constantly.

Hi,
I just read your post and wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything you have been going through lately. It sounds like you have been through many challenging times in your life so far. I always find it interesting how some people seem to breeze through life very smoothly with no hardship, while others struggle in every aspect of life. Perhaps this is because some people are better at hiding the "skeletons in the closet", so to speak? Or maybe it is just luck... I don't know.

Anyhow, i think that you are a strong person to have made it through everything you have experienced. And i think that it is important for you to stay positive and look to the future. Focus on your self growth and development(physical, mental and social). Especially because you say that your BPD diagnosis is new. I assume that it explains some of the reasoning behind your past choices/feelings/actions, which is a good thing to understand. Keep trying new meds and find what works the best for you, because everyone is different. Be active, exercise, eat right and treat your body as a precious gift. Try joining a class or a group, like yoga or pilates or anything that you enjoy. Make sure you are getting enough rest and sleep too.

Also, I think its important to create new relationships with people. I mean friends who can offer you support and strength when you need it. Joining new groups can help with this. Humans are social creatures, and we all need contact with others. You are NOT alone in this. Remember that you can always come here to write and someone will respond.

I also wanted to say that you can lean on the Lord when you need strength. That is a beautiful thing, he is ALWAYS there with you. Remember that he is the one in control, and he knows your limits and what you are capable of. Use your relationship with Him to support you through the rough times.

Best Wishes,
Sam

I could not say anything more or better than Sam...

Other than highlighting:-

You are not alone, rest assure of that, people are there and will be there and we are here. And, i felt the strength as well. You are a strong woman...

take care
CW