Hi...

I will try to make this brief. I am divorced 5 years with 3 teenagers and haven't dated too much and have been fine. Although since my oldest daughter has gone away to college I have this fear that i will be alone.. Lately I have been counting down the years till my youngest goes off to college like my life is ending at that point. Is this normal seperation anxiety?? I talked with the doctor back in November and he gave me some drugs but then i felt numb so quit taking them and was fine for awhile.

Anyone ever experienced this or am I really messed up??

I have a girlfriend that justs "lives for her children" both teenagers. She used to be quiet down on herself because the reality was that as such, she would not go out either, or find things that interested her, or would stay over a girlfriend's place, because her "teenage" 21 mind you, children would be home alone when they woke up.

She is a changed woman, we have been friends for a couple of years now, and i kind of kicked her in the but a bit, lol. Okay she won't stay over but that's okay just means we catch a taxi if we decide to drink, which most times we only have a couple anyway so it doesn't matter.

But point being that she realised at 48, that she needs to have fun as well and enjoy her life and now she does.

Her confidence level was very low as well and now it is much higher which going out and mingling can do that to a woman.

We also have dinner at my place, girly nights and we chat about life more in general.

She now has re-developed relationships with old friends as well, so i have trouble getting a date with her...lol...

So maybe you are simular, and don't get out much, no real hobbies outside of home?

This may just be the type of thing you need to do so that you get more of a mixture in life.

It's hard enough getting older, let alone getting stagnant.

Hope this helps.

CW

I think the fear of being alone can shake you to your soul...I never used to think of this as much when the kids lived at home, but now being older, this does set in...For me, it would be difficult to try to find a friend to start going around with. I have only been my husband's best friend...With so many people already having their close friends, this would be a stumbling block for me. Hopefully you are different...Then I am a person that just can't push myself in...I am one of those that sits in the background and waits to be invited to the party. Funny how each of us is so different.

Our son lives close to us and watches over us like a Mother Hen...I have to think of what if something happens to my husband. We both know that the road ahead of us has no detours.....So we are still hoping for a ride on the spaceship to the Moon....We definately will be the first to board it. Otherwise I guess I would be pretty content to do what I am doing and start talking to the puppies...Then I, like you, would probably find a new identity and bloom again....For we both would realize that women take longer to age then men....Honey, you will do just fine...Take care, Caroline

Hi,
I just wanted to say that i think many parents experience this type of anxiety (although it may manifest itself in different forms, everyone is different), my mom does as well, so you are not alone. The bottom line-- is this anxiety having negative effects on your daily life and basic functioning? This is a fundamental guideline for most types of disorders. Are you having actual symptoms of distress, or is it just more of a preoccupation? (IE panic attacks, or physical reactions, illness etc). If so, then you probably need to have some professional counsel.
Remember, your children growing up can be a great thing. If they are able to be independent, educated and successful on their own it means you have raised competent human beings. That's awesome! CW and Caroline are right, once your kids are self-sufficient you will have more time to focus on yourself. Try to develop more relationships with friends and family, even though it may be tough, it will help to keep you socially healthy and provide you support.