I've been having a lot of trouble with being depressed most every day for the last 6 months. I haven't slept through the night for the same amount of time. Here is my condensed story of how I came to this point in my life...

7 months ago I relocated 1900km's away from where I had lived for 37 years. I did this for the love of my life. I took the biggest leap of faith because I believed in him, and in us. Needless to say for reasons still not clear to me he ended the relationship after a month. Ok this sucks!! But I can handle a break up right??? Or so I thought. I have also not had luck with finding a job, which is stressful. And I spent the first holidays away from the rest of my family for the first time in my life. My father passed away 3 months ago after a very long and painful battle with cancer. I do not have any friends here yet...and the worst part of it all is I have had to still live in the same house with this man while I am looking for my own place. I haven't even started to get over him, and get on with things. It's next to impossible to try to do while still living under the same roof as him. I feel very unwelcome here, even though he says he is ok with it, and he wants me to find a place that I like and not rush into something just to get out of here.

We still have sex, which I know is a really bad idea, I know to him it is just sex, but with me there are lots of feelings still involved. I just can't seem to get a back bone and say no, I want him, because it is the only physical contact I get. I am very lonely, and very sad, and lately anger has started to creep into it as well. I find myself very paranoid that he is up to something, and I snoop...I've never snooped on anyone, and I feel guilty when I do it, but then I still do it again. I find myself being short with people, and feeling the urge to hit something, though I never have. I have made an appointment to speak with a therapist, but in the mean time I would love any insight you all might share with me. Anything that makes getting through the day a bit easier.

Thanks for reading

Hi thatsmystory.

Well, you went on an adventure of your lifetime which did not go to plan.

Your in a place of un-known, as a result and have no job, home, friends and i assume stuck there? Can't go back to where you lived before?

Now, if the calculations are correct, you moved 7 months ago, broke up 1 month after and have stayed with him for 6 more. Your sleeping with him, still with feelings and he's sleeping with you and getting his bit...

You need to get out of there.. Fast... And re-claim yourself to whom you were before you met this man.

He should not be sleeping with you full stop.. Emotions come into play.. Your still attracted to him but angry with him, feeling used and at your lowest as you know no-one and have no job, home and you know what's happening.

Your desiring it to work even though it broke down. And your snooping like a jealous girlfriend, when all you are are sexual companions.

Of course he doesn't care that your there... He still has sex with no commitment... but at some point he'll meet someone and your outed.

So, time to get out there as i said... Doesn't matter how, where there's a will there is a way..

Find the solution, check all options and if possible, go back to the 1900 miles away that you were at, before this all stated.

Take care.

CW

I agree with all of the above. Stop having sex with him it is messing with you even more and get out of there anyway you can. Go home if you can where you have your support network. If you can't find another place to live, any where even if it's not idea. Where you are now is less than ideal.

You can't start to grieve properly until you are away from him.

Best of luck and keep chatting if it helps.

tt

Hello dear.

I agree with the first advice giver, and also the agreer. Stop having sex with this man. Thats the first thing you absolutely have to do in this situation.

I am also about to move away from my family for the first time with the love of my life so I can understand at least a part of your journey. I can tell you that your not crazy and that its not your fault that it didnt work out. I know that you hadnt said that you thought it was, but for some reason, women are much more able to take responsibility rather than men which always makes women assume everything is their fault.

The next thing you need to do is get out of that house/ apartment. In the ideal situation I would say move back home, but I also dont know the whole scenario enough to say that for sure. Make sure you do whats best for you. I would take some quiet time just to yourself and ask "what would make me happy?". Dont even say these things out loud if you dont want, but make sure you answer them honestly. Dont think about anyone else, especially not your ex. If he's not in it for the long haul (which hes clearly not) then you need to get your pretty little self out of that situation. Its doing nothing but screw with your mind and your perception of the situation.

By the way, snooping is common. We do it when we feel out of control of a situation. It sucks and makes us feel guilty but it happens sometimes. Don't be ashamed of it, but try not to do it either. Its not healthy and you might not like what you find.

Stay strong and stay away from that guy!! Make sure you establish a support system if you stay where you are. Go out! Meet women your age! Try to have some fun.

The best of luck to you my dear.

I know it may not seem like it, but the events of the past seven months of your life have made you stronger than you ever were before. You have already overcome incredible odds and you are now at a turning point. No matter how stuck and frustrated you may feel about your situation right now, you have already begun to take the necessary steps to start over. You are heading in the right direction, even if it may not seem like you are making much progress right now. Good luck and I know you have the inner strength and determination to make it through. Look at how far you have come already!

We don't always get what we want but sometimes we get what we need. You being depressed and angry are common in both the grieving of the loss of your father and the loss of the love of your life.

What has happened to you is not fair but no one said life would be. What you can take from this is you have already lived thru the pain its who you are after this pain that counts.

You my friend have just experienced a clean break from your past whether you wanted it or not. This is a time for you to go out and do everything the way you always wanted to. All the old structures and securities are gone and its time to rebuild new.

Let go of all old habits that don't suit you well and start fresh. Remember you are an amazing person waiting to discover something wonderful inside of you. Love yourself and move on and let go.

Love yourself a lot take little steps and move forward in life ya never know this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

The others have stated this has tested your character and will and you are already stronger than you know. I totally agree with them.

I went thru a similar experience and one day it was devastating and seemed like the worst crisis of my life. I lost everything i had worked so hard for. i look back and i woudn't change a thing. I kept putting one foot in front of the other and some days i lost the battle but in the end i won the war.

good luck landing no worries you will

I agree. stop having sex with him. I would go home if I were you to your support system of friends and family.