Thread: not allowed to address daughter of sexual molestation

I just learned from one adult daughter that my older adult daughter was molested by her father when she was little. For the past 14 years she has lashed out at me and alienated me and encouraged her sister and brother to do the same. I could not understand the hatred and bitterness that she had towards me and at some point I even questioned her if I had missed something in her childhood that would have turned her this way. ONe of my co-workers suggested that she displayed the classic signs of being molested and I read up on the internet about it and that also led me to believe that that had happened. I delicately questioned her about this and she replied that I should not believe everything that I have been told or that I have read. She didn't directly deny it, but she led me to believe that I was on the wrong track. More years have gone by, believing that my children despised me and believing that their father was poisoning their minds against me. I couldn't imagine what I did to them that was so bad to be alienated. Despairing, I let a diagnosis of pre-cancerous cells grow into a diagnoses of cancer. I begged God to take me home as life was not worth living. To make a long story short, my middle daughter began talking to me again and apologized for the cruel way that she had treated me. I got a check-up, found out I had cancer, had surgery, and began living again with a renewed sense of hope. My middle daughter divulged some blood boiling stories of how badly her father treated her while she was living with him, although none of which was directly sexual, but was at least questionable. She was no longer having anything to do with him, and became much more loving towards me. Then, for no apparent reason, she started talking to her father more and more and her relationship with me began to diminish. Now she tells me that "something happened to her older sister before her father left me and that is why she has been so angry". SHe tells me that she is not at liberty to discuss this, and that I will have to wait until older sister is ready to tell me. I told her that I questioned her years ago if she had been molested and that she had denied it. Well I don't need to go into the details, but I now know that their father had molested her. I asked her if she had also been molested and she said that she didn't think so. I also asked her if she was still having anything to do with her father and she said yes, that he was a "changed man", that "God had a reason for letting her go thru this" (I have no doubt that her father put that "bull" into her head), and that it wasn't her place to judge him. She is also insistant that I do not talk to anyone about this until her sister is ready to talk to me. She is telling me that I need to just read my Bible and pray about it. I want to SCREAM! I am experiencing the full gammut of emotions, but mostly I am angry. I don't want to put my head in the sand and quite frankly, their father needs to be rotting in a jail cell somewhere and at the very least needs to be on the list of sexual predators! AFter already living through the pain of alienation and wishing to die, it is a tempting thought to kill him, but I fear that my children are going to need me as the reality of what has happened to them comes to light. He exploited their need to have a relationship with their father to turn them against me, he used them as weapons to destroy me. It hurts, really, really hurts that they would have anything at all to do with him. Clearly, I need counseling.