When I was about 12 years old, I was forced by another student to perform oral sex on him. I couldnt fight back because I was weak so I had to do what he told me. He then said that if I told anyone he would kill me so I never told anyone. Another time when I was 13 years old I was molested by another student. This time I reported it and the school administration did nothing. I cannot file a lawsuit because the lawyers will tear me to bits and make me feel worse than I already do. Other times I was sexually and physically attacked by other students but was unable to do anything cause I knew what they would do if I told anyone. It is starting to affect me more and more, the nightmares, the paranoia, the fear, I just can no longer take it and want to end it. I go to therapy for this but nothing will help me until either the people who harmed me are dead or I am dead.

So do you plan on killing these people?

I'm not saying that they don't desevere it but don't you think that is going to put you in a worse position? Are you ready to go to prison or to the grave? It sound like this really messed you up and I really think that you need to get more therapy. If the therapist is not working out for you, then go see another.

The nightmares just keep getting worse and worse, no one can help me, ive gone to so many psychiatrists and social workers, it just doesnt seem to help me whatsoever. I just get more depressed and paranoid.

The key is to keep going.

Things take time to erase from your mind when bad...

Work it through and don't stop going..

Try hypnotherapy, that can sometimes do good as well.

CW

Let me add.

I just read a reply you made on another thread. And, I'm thinking of the thread you started on pedophiles.

You were a child when molested at school... You are standing up for pedophiles.

You know, even though we won't agree with you, it may very well be that your subconscious is in fact starting to forgive what happened to you as you are adamant that pedophiles don't need the full punishment given, and you are angry at someone whom uses control and abuse against a woman acknowledging that, that is wrong, which is normal and forgiving a character of sorts, which in retrospect, is similar to your situation, as you were only 12, 13, still a child.

Keep going to counselling... it may well be bringing sides out that you truly need to come out...

CW

Someone on this site needs to disable the Mariaangel ID. You need to kick this person off of this website, log his IP address and not allow him to establish another user ID. I believe that he is using the website to accomplish a specific "psychosexual" agenda.

Who is responsible for ensuring that this is a safe website? If anyone reads this message knows that person, I would like to have a conversation with her/him about Mariaangel.
Cheers.

One this is off-topic. Two you called me a he whilst I am a she, gender discrimination. Three you are lying about me, defamation. And you are saying that someone should disable my ID and log my IP address? Now back on topic thanks CW for your input.

You may not prefer to be called "he", but if that's what Fire(m) thinks of you as, he can call you that. It's not discrimination- he's stating a fact, not saying, "You suck because you're a he", just that you're a "he".

And he makes a good point. You keep posting all these really strange topics...Not that we're not all here for good conversation, but I think yours are issues better taken up with the proper avenue of care (ie, proffesionals).