I seriously cannot stand it anymore...I know this probably sounds very juvenile, but I want to start cutting again.
I have a lot of in my life...and Im beginning to feel like I have no control, and I just want to feel real again.
does that make sense?

The doctor upped my anti-depressants....a LOTTA good that did me....i havent changed. I've been on the new dosage for a month and a half now...and NOTHING.

and today....my sister suddenly feels like giving me for giving her kids ? I AM ING RAISING THOSE KIDS...AND IM 19!
I dont go out...ever (also because im afraid to)
All I do is watch her kids....

Im losing weight like CRAZY...I just dont feel hungry.
and I just want to cut...just to regain my sense of feeling.

Cutting is an addiction. Just like any addiction, you have to fight against it. You have to recover like any addict does.
Stand up to your sister; you're too young (and right now, probably too fragile) to be taking care of children who aren't your responsibility.
The people around you should be supporting you while you fight this addiction, but unfortunately most people just don't "get it." I hope you find the support you need and soon.

I'm sure you love those kids but at the same time are sick of worrying and putting them first but...thats what you have to do, put them first. Yes it's an addiction...I'm trying to stop smoking and its bloody hard so I know its hard to kick a habit no matter how hard you try. But what if the kids see the cuts? or see you doing it?

I agree with above comments. Please seek professional help. Please. If you don't know who to call I can find somebody.

Do not let your sister walk all over you. And the anti-dep do not solve problems. I have been on them for several years. What they do is help to put you in a better state of mind so that you can slove your problems.

Again, please seek professional help.

well...I told my mom how bad I wanted to cut...and her response was
"oh...so you'll be emo then"

what a supportive mom.