Thread: need help with my teenage daughter!

My biggest issues are the grounding of your stepdaughter and the reading of her emails.

Grounding will most likely just lead to rebellion, which is the opposite of what you want. What might be more effective is a conversation (no yelling please!) that makes her feel some level of guilt for whatever she has done wrong, yet still makes her feel loved and cared about.

As far as reading her emails to get information about her PERSONAL life, this betrays trust on so many levels. I completely understand that you are trying to protect her, but if she feels like she has no privacy and that you don't trust her, your relationship will be rocky at best. She is a teenage girl and needs some space. My mom and I were always close, and I confided in her about personal issues. Keep in mind that I didn't tell her everything, but I knew she would help me with my problems. If you can give your stepdaughter that level of comfort and security, she will take it upon herself to share with you, and maybe even ask for advice.

I agree with the suggestion made before to eat dinner together. It forces conversation. Though it may be superficial at first, I'm sure it will grow into more meaningful convos that will help your relationship develop.

I remember what it was like being a teenager... and I am now watching my Mom bring my 3 MUCH younger sisters through the teenage years. it was kind of a strange mixture for me but it looks like it is going much smoother with my sisters. My parents made the mistake that many people were mentioning of not allowing me the space to grow up and have privacy. They tried to wrap me in a protective bubble and not allow me to be myself. It looks like they learned that there are better ways to deal with teenage girls since many of the things I had the most problem with are no big deal at all for my sisters. They have cell phones and are not forced to use the kitchen phone for all calls (which of course Mom and Dad can listen in on) and they are allowed to chat online and have screen names. Basically they are treated more like adults and in turns they act more like adults and that includes having conversations (when the hormones don't get in the way).

I have 2 daughters who are many years away from being teenagers but I plan on treating them like adults as much as possible in the hope that they will act more like adults. Grounding and such just seemed so juvenile when I was a teenager and I am sure that most teenagers feel the same. I believe that there are better ways of dealing with problems. Just my opinion and untried as well since my kids aren't there yet but I think it is worth a try.