I have 2 boys aged 5 and 7, because they are so close in age they bicker ALL THE TIME! It really gets on my last nerve, so i start yelling because no form of punishment has worked for me. I used to send the oldest to his room or a corner somewhere and he goes there no problem, this doesn't seem like a punishment because he's just playing anyway. I know I shouldn't yell because its bad for their self esteem, but I just can't help it!
I feel like a bad mother. Sometimes I think they would be better off without me, I really don't want to **** them up emotionally, somebody please help!!

This may sound a little odd but it really helped when my kids were younger, there are some Berenstein Bear and Little Critter books that deal with this issue. Get them and start reading them to your kids as part of reading time. Mine always responded well to this.

You won't mess them up, by teaching them some self control and appropriate behavior. Kids need boundries and need to know that their parents are in control. If you have to send them both to their rooms for some quiet time to give yourself time to calm down. Yelling probably isn't bad for their self esteem but it isn't very effective if you do it often, try getting quiet so they have really listen to hear you. What should be avoided is telling them that they are 'bad', 'impossible', 'stupid', things of that sort. Focus on the behavior that you want rather than what is wrong.

If you feel that they are 'better off without you' and you feel that you are doing something wrong, they will play on that..

You need to realise that what you have tried so far, is actually very smart and clever, sending the oldest one into his room or a corner, but the thing is the younger one realises that he got away with something and so the bickering goes on, because the youngest one knows that Mummy will punish the older one cause he is the oldest so it's a game.

Start saying " oh you two are such children really aren't you, hey, shall we watch a video together? " in-other-words say ahhh don't care, and turn the situation into something totally different ignore.

So, even, okay time to make popcorn stop winning to each other, you know you love each other, want to help?

Change the subject every time and believe in yourself... Believe.


CW

Thank you for your responses.

I feel alot better thanks, today they started again as usual and I suggested we go for a walk, they forgot for a moment and things continued as normal.

My oldest son is very possessive over his toys and this is what starts most of the fights, I have talked to him about the importance of sharing, but his attitude is, it's mine, don't touch my stuff!

They are both very jealous of each other, when one gets attention the other sulks, I try to treat both fairly, but apparently its not enough!

It's hard being a mom and even harder being a good one!

Something I used to do when my boys would start to bicker and argue...I would wait to see how far it would escalate, and if it sounded like they were going to keep it up, I would drag out a dust rag and a sweeper and told them if they had enough energy to argue, they had enough energy to clean house. They were probably 4 and 6 at the time. That worked great. It also worked with yard work during the nice weather. I always found some sort of work for them to do if they kept arguing. They grew up to be best friends, and I think a lot of that is due to the fact that I never allowed them to behave badly toward each other. As far as keeping from yelling, I ran the gamut, from splashing cold water on my face to hiding in the bathroom and counting as high as I needed to. I also made signs and posted them around the house to remind myself to breathe, count, splash water, etc. My husband was a fireman, so worked 24 hour shifts, and I did not have any family help, so I had to be creative.

Ronnie,

first off, they would not be better off without you. it's obvious you are a loving and caring mother, or else you wouldn't be bothered by this.

from reading your post it seems like you are having the same prob my other half had with our kids when they were growing up. she would always threaten but never really punish. she used to always say to the kids something like "stop doing (whatever) or I'm gonna slap ya". well of course she never slapped them, just kept on saying it over and over to the point where the kids lost all respect for her and even said right back to her face "I'm gonna slap ya" and then walk away laughing.

sending kids to their room isn't punishment either. they just go there and play or read or nap or whatever.

give them a chore to do, or some light housework. If you are gonna make them sit in a corner, make it where you can keep an eye on them and they have to listen or hear something on the radio or TV that they hate, like the news or something.

Dear Ronnie,
Wow! Talk about similarities! Six years ago, I sent my 2 children (ages 10 and 5 at the time) to live with family. I didn't know what else to do because I was very abusive! I didn't only yell, but I hit too! One day, as I was standing over my children with a wire hanger about to "let them have it" something snapped in me, and I cried nonstop for 2 hours. I gave them up because I feared myself and what I might do to them. I knew I needed help and because I have NEVER been comfortable with "shrinks", I did what I knew I had to do to insure their safety. Now PLEASE don't get me wrong with this response....I am not in ANY way advising you to give up your children! I am just trying to tell you that you are NOT alone! It doesn't make you a bad mother because you yell at your children. Children are NOT EASY!!!! Nobody is perfect.....not even mothers! Don't get down on yourself just because you YELL at them. Some people don't realize that the way we bring up our children has a lot to do with how WE were raised. The fact that you are AWARE of the problem is your first step! Take it easy on yourself.....it's just frustration and negative energy and it can be relieved in other ways besides yelling. Try leaving the room and screaming in a pillow. Try splashing really cold water on your face. Try listening to music or going for a short walk. The bottom line is you are not alone and you are not perfect! Take good care of YOURSELF.....take steps that you believe are necessary to insure YOUR happiness! If your happy, your children will be happy too!