shebbie

I know that everyone is brought up differently, but I have no idea how to ask my mother-in-law's family to not do some of the things they do around my son. He's only 13 months old and not really talking yet, but in their house hold swearing and calling each other mean names and yelling is all a daily thing, and it's only a matter of time before he picks it up. They all love each other, but this isn't behavior I want my son to learn. My fiance doesn't see a problem with it because he was brought up this way. I wasn't, and I was never able to understand when parents would say "I'm allowed to do/say this, but you can't". If you don't want a child swearing/name calling/yelling, then I think no one should be allowed. I can't not allow my son to go over to his grandma's house either, because my fiance wouldn't go for it. We live with my parents, so he thinks it's fair to go over there (or at least have our son go over) a few times a week.

And one thing that my mother-in-law does all the time that bugs the heck out of me is her empty threats. When my niece (who lives over there with her) is acting up - being a 3yr old, it's pretty often - my mother-in-law will scream things like "I'm going to kill you!" or "you'd better listen or I'll never watch you again". Of course these are things she doesn't mean, but she says this kind of stuff all the time. My niece doesn't listen to her anymore and she wonders why she's constantly acting up.

I feel like it's not my place to go into her house and change her rules, but the thought of my son being exposed to that scares me. I've talked to my fiance about it and he's relayed certain things to his mom, who tires, but I just can't see how I can condition myself to deal with it or have it changed.

To give her credit though, she has stopped smoking in the house and around my son.

sourpuss

Tell her exactly what you have said here and if that doesn't work then limit the time you spend over at their home.

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CHANDLERS WISH

It is very hard to change someone, almost actually impossible.

Obviously, your finance is a grounded, nice guy or else you would be with him. In-other-words, regardless of how he was bought up, it hasn't effected him, he's not disrespectul hey?

On the good side, you have your parents and so your child will pick up from them.

And then, there's your teachings, which will be what your parents tought you no doubt.

So you have 75% going your way... and 25% not in the manner you prefer.

Just always instill into your child that "Adults" can do that, not children, so he doesn't see it as wrong or copy and hopefully that will work.

Keep gently nudging your fiance when you are there, to say "Mum" when she says something that you find not of the teaching that you prefer. Perhaps at least in the "your never coming here, or I'll kill you bit".

I am sure kids hear it at day care, then at schools, at friends houses, you will never really stop it, so just rely on the way you bring your child up. He spends more time with you then he does with them....

CW

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Autumnbinature

If they cant change when your baby is visiting then they dont need to see him in my opinion. Dont let him go over there without you. You always have veto power. he is your responsibility he is your baby you know whats best for him and if that situation isnt good for him then why would you allow him to be around it. Stand up for yourself and your child.