Thread: How to talk to your child about sex for the first time?

I live in Germany, so we don't have that problem here because kids learn about that in biology from third grade on...
I remember that my mom also gave me a book that was made up like a comic, and it showed a family who was having a new baby, and the parents explained to the kids what love is, and how different kinds of love work, and what sex is, and how you make a baby. Maybe you can find something like that in the states and read it together with your kids.

I would wait until your 9 year old shows an interest in the sex talk. Most of the time she will drop little questions about the subject. Then sit her down and ask her what she is curious about.

Talking about sex may be uncomfortable for both parents and children. Parents should respond to the needs and curiosity level of their individual child, offering no more or less information than their child is asking for and is able to understand. Getting advice from a clergyman, pediatrician, family physician, or other health professional may be helpful. Books that use illustrations or diagrams may aid communication and understanding.

Children have different levels of curiosity and understanding depending upon their age and level of maturity. As children grow older, they will often ask for more details about sex. Many children have their own words for body parts. It is important to find out words they know and are comfortable with to make talking with them easier. A 5-year-old may be happy with the simple answer that babies come from a seed that grows in a special place inside the mother. Dad helps when his seed combines with mom's seed which causes the baby to start to grow. An 8-year-old may want to know how dad's seed gets to mom's seed. Parents may want to talk about dad's seed (or sperm) coming from his penis and combining with mom's seed (or egg) in her uterus. Then the baby grows in the safety of mom's uterus for nine months until it is strong enough to be born. An 11-year-old may want to know even more and parents can help by talking about how a man and woman fall in love and then may decide to have sex.

It is important to talk about the responsibilities and consequences that come from being sexually active. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and feelings about sex are important issues to be discussed. Talking to your children can help them make the decisions that are best for them without feeling pressured to do something before they are ready. Helping children understand that these are decisions that require maturity and responsibility will increase the chance that they make good choices.

Adolescents are able to talk about lovemaking and sex in terms of dating and relationships. They may need help dealing with the intensity of their own sexual feelings, confusion regarding their sexual identity, and sexual behavior in a relationship. Concerns regarding masturbation, menstruation, contraception, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases are common. Some adolescents also struggle with conflicts around family, religious or cultural values. Open communication and accurate information from parents increases the chance that teens will postpone sex and will use appropriate methods of birth control once they begin.

In talking with your child or adolescent, it is helpful to:

Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
Try to determine your child's level of knowledge and understanding.
Keep your sense of humor and don't be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring, and respect for oneself and one's partner.
Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex, and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner

My daughter just turned 12. I feel like her period could be here any day now, as that's when mine started. I have tried to discuss puberty and sex with her but she doesn't want to talk about. The school had classes last year and I got her books from the library, so I know she knows something. I know I can't force her, but I let her know that whenever she is ready, I will be here for her. I'm glad to have read the advice. Thanks for the help.

you are very welcome.
Don't push her if she's not ready to talk about it. Altough sooner or later you will have to talk to her about the responsibilies, sexually transmitted disease, pregnancy and so on...

I think in this day and age it's never too soon. You have to approach it from their perspective as things are now not what we were used to growing up because things are so different. I think you should just approach it however you approach parenting. If you are very strict in your parenting then that's probably how you will approach this topic, if you are open and into different types of parenting then that is probably how you will approach it. Just make sure you have your game plan set from the get go. I know this will cause much debate but the moment my children mention sex she will get a vibrator and he will get a masturbation sleeve. The world is just too scary to try and pretend that we can keep our kids from having sex these days.

Julie

i think at 9yrs old it would be good to talk to your daughter. I know my mom tried talking to me when i was like 18 about sex, and trust me i was around the block an back. i mean obviously thats too late and my mom is just very unaware of what goes on, but i do not think that 9 is too young. I know when i have kids, i want sex to be an open topic and not make it uncomfortable.

hi everyone.
As the mother of an 18 yr old son, i've done my share of "talking about sex". I started talking to him about physiology/anotomy and bodily functions in general since he was about 6. Our conversations have always evolved around what's natural and normal body functions. So when it came time to talk about sex as it relates to reproduction, responsibilites and diseases it was natural to discuss it, because we had talked about a boy's "normal" desires as they progress through puberty.
Even though it may be embarassing for you try to discuss the topic as if it's a perfectly natural topic of conversation. I have found that this has encourgaed my son to ask questions and come to me for accurate information, rather than ask his friends.
I wish you luck, it's not too early to start talking about it, just try giving her basic information first. I never really "sat him down" for a talk because it seemed too intimidating (for both of us!) but we had conversations casually that progresed through the years. He's in college now and i trust him to make informed decisions about his health and lilfe in general.
I hope you have a great time raising your daughter!