caligirl71

Husband was laid off in Jan, hubby went to work in another state end of March. While still trying to find something local! Being apart is so hard and we only get to see each other once a month!!

We have lived here for a little over four years and son starts 9th grade in the fall. we have been talking a little about the fact that we might have to move but today when I told him a realtor was coming out this week to look at the house he began to cry and ran to the bathroom to throw up!!

What am I suppose to do!! The thought of his sadness just brings me to tears, my hubby is a little less symphathetic, saying he will adjust etc, it may be hard now but in time he will be okay.

Which Im sure is true, but has anyone out there gone thru this and can you give me any advice or share your story with me!!

I would appreciate it alot

Thanks

Kung Fu Kitty

this sucks,but he will get over it. starting high school will help,since he would have to make new friends regardless. the sooner he can get out,start having fun and meeting new friends,the faster he will adjust. its always the end of the world with teenagers,but they bounce back quickly. i would do some research into the area where you are moving and find some spots he might like. for example,if he likes skateboarding,see if there are any parks in the area for him to go to,where are the swimming holes/pools/etc. where is the local mall? does it have an arcade? good luck!

WildChild

I moved my two teens a year ago, due to a divorce. It was an adjustment but they have handled it well. Part of what made the transistion easier was arranging to get togehter with old freinds when ever possible.

CHANDLERS WISH

Running to the toilet to throw up is not a tantrum.

A tantrum and un-happiness, granted, yes he will gain new friends, he's young it will be fine.

I am concerned about his retention to handle this, "trauma", please speak to a Doctor in this regard...

You may need coaching on what to say to him, how, and how to make the transaction easier.

Your not dealing with a "strong character"...

This needs very much tender love and care but I think it needs a bit more..

I would hate to see him go into his shell, or becoming rebelious towards you both, either/iether.

Certainly,I have looked at this differently, but it was the "throwing up".

He will for sure get through this, no doubt, but a little extra something I think, is needed here.

CW

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orkara

I moved around a LOT when I was younger... and the places I was forced to move to because of my parent's job weren't just a state or so away, more like countries.. continents away.

Every time we would move, I would get really upset ("WHY DO WE HAVE TO MOVE AGAIN I JUST MADE FRIENDS!") - but I would get over it.

Think of it this way, he'll get to meet new people... and have more friends

thecatlady

The same thing happened to my dad when I was 11. I was just about to start middle school, and was already terrified enough without learning that I'd have to go through the process in a new city with none of my friends.

It was the end of the world for me as it seems to be for your son. I screamed and cried almost every day, sometimes pretty hysterically.

But, the move came. I went to my new school, met some new people, made friends with a few of them, and eventually I was fine. Something that helped the transition was that every summer, I would go and stay with a friend from my old school for a week, or they would come visit me in my new home. Even if this is not possible, your son could keep in touch with his old friends through email and/or instant messaging.

It'll be the end of the world for him now, and he may cry for a while and he may be mad at you, and it'll hurt to see him like that, but every life change is the end of the world for teenagers, and he will eventually move on.

The throwing up may have been a little dramatic, but I really don't think it's that much worse than throwing a temper tantrum at that age, and as long as the vomitting episode is not repeated, I wouldn't worry about that too much.

Sonora

I have 3 children and have moved due to my husbands work 11 times. The biggest problem now a days is we worry too much on a doctor's intervention all they know how to do is prescribed drugs and antidepressants that will screw up his life and totally unbalance him. You just need to sit down and explain LOOK if we don't move we are going to live on the street, the economy is bad and we have to survive and eat. Explain to him that moving may seem harsh for his social life but get over it. Parents need to go back to parenting of the "old days" everyone turned out just fine and no traumas or phycological issues because kids new you get with the program and obey your parents and deal with what life tosses your way.

Sure they don't like it but its a necessity, you can't be your kids parent and friend you need to be their guide, there fore THE PARENT. God entrusted you to guide and form this person if you baby them you form a person that can not handle change or fix problems without hitting the bottle or drugs. The main reason why kids today are so hooked on drug abuse is because as parents we are trying too hard to be their friend hug them and understand "NOT" you are here to explain hard times and that life is not fair and the sooner they learn this lesson the better of they will be in the world.

Sorry to sound so harsh but I see too many kids play the system of misunderstood and my parents gave me a trauma when what they need is a kick in the pants and learn life is not fair its a then you die get over it and move on.

My 3 kids have all grown up with tough love just the way i was raised they have never taken drugs because of the fear of GOD I put in them they knew if they did anything I would find out and tan their hide for sure. I beleive in Corporal punishment this makes real Men and Women not pansies and detriment to society.

My kids are all in school and the oldest in college studying medicine with no help she has 2 jobs and attends full time school the second one is an art student with strong conviction and discipline and finally the youngest is a football palyer and all around sportsmen he knows how to survive hunt,fish and camp something all real men need to learn it builds charcter. Your son looks like he needs a lot of character building and lay off being in touch with his female side.

TammyRass

Hey there Caligirl.

It sounds like you have a really sensitive son. My son sounds a lot like yours. He is really shy and reserved unless he's at home. He's VERY artistic and enjoys playing the piano. It takes him a long time to make friends, but once he does they're really close. However, I don't quite agree with the view that camping, hunting, and fishing are things every boy needs to know to be a man. My son is an animal lover and would never dream of killing any kind of animal himself. He doesn't like the outdoors a lot and prefers to stay home. Just because he doesn't camp, hunt, or fish doesn't mean he can't do other things. He does everyone's laundry, washes the dishes, cooks, cleans the house, mows the lawn, sews, and plays piano. He also excels in school. I never have to hound him about doing homework or studying and he's had a 4.0 his entire life. He's extremely intelligent (if he's read it once he never forgets it) and willing to share his knowledge with all of his siblings. He gets along great and is a real peacemaker. We recently had to move for my husbands work. My son wasn't as demonstrative as yours but he was sad about leaving his friends behind. What helped him adjust quickly was that we had collected addresses and Emails from his friends so he could write and send things to them. Once he realized that he could still communicate with his friends he was just fine. My husband and I also talked to him about the move and addressed all of his other concerns about moving.
These might sound like simple ideas but they really worked. (P.S. I found tips on the Real Estate Buyers website. They are targeted towards small children but they still worked.)

elise

Allow your son to feel what he is feeling. Be sure to acknowledge that what he is thinking and feeling is true for him. Just listen, there is nothing you can say that will aleviate his anxiety. Being a teenager is a huge thing, there thoughts and feelings are all over the place. Check and see if at his new school there is a Child and Youth Counsellor there who can help him adjust beign at a new school. Be straight with him, don't coddle him or baby him,tell him exactly what is what. He will appreciate this and also be sure to "get" how he is feeling. Good luck.

christysue

I had this scenario 4 years ago with my son. We had to move due to a divorce, and my kids (6th and 9th grade at the time) were traumatized by the thought of it alone. My son, particularly. He has a hard time making friends, and absolutely hates change of any kind. He also has a nervous stomache, and tends to manifest his fear and anxiety that way.

After many head-butting sessions with him, I explained that we simply had to move...no way around it. I then found that the best help for him was to keep the lines of communication wide open. I validated his fear, his concern, his disliking for having to make a change. They need to know that their concerns are being heard and taken to heart. I then made him a part of the transition...going with to the new school to be registered, driving around the town and finding things of interest for him, showing him all of the positives of our new location. When it came time to actually start the new school, I listened to all of his experiences each day. If he was down, we talked about that tomorrow would be better. If he had a scenario he didn't like, we talked about how he could respond differently next time. I also kept him looking at the big picture...that he wasn't the only kid who had ever had to move. Keep it in perspective. We all know that as teenagers, it's easy to make a mountain out of a molehill, and as a parent I can't become a part of the mountain. I have to be objective, and help him to be objective also.

All that said, my son DID adjust! In fact, he did way better than I ever would've imagined. He actually ended up liking our new location BETTER! He is now a Senior in high school, captain of the cross-country team, ranked #6 in his class, and extremely social. For him, the move was life changing in a positive way, despite his fear and anxiety at the outset.

I have no doubt that you will be able to facilitate a positive change environment for your son. Just remember that you're the role model, you're objective, and you're his safety net when he has concerns.

Lastly, I would still say to keep an eye on his tummy If it becomes a pattern, then obviously you need to speak with your doctor or a counselor. Hopefully, you will be able to ease his concerns and the transition will be a good one. Let us know how it goes!

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