Thread: Grown daughter relationship.

My daughter is 31.

My husband and I have been generous parents. We've taken my daughter and her son in to live with us for 18 months after she got divorced her first husband and lost her job.

We've loaned & given money when times were tough, we've helped with meals, house cleaning, painting, gardening, nearly everything she needed, for years.

I've done a lot of babysitting because I wanted to help and because I enjoyed it.

She also did nice things for me when she could and our relationship was close and loving.

For some reason she stopped speaking to me for a few months. I asked her if something was wrong but she denied that anything was. She's started being nice to me again recently, speaking to me and coming over to visit, so things have improved. However, I still note problems with our relationship.

First, I loaned her $1000.00 8 months ago so that she could get her car fixed. She hasn't paid me back. When I asked about repayment she said that she didn't have the money. However, she and her husband have been spending pretty lavishly.

Second, for the last two holidays, Mother's day and my birthday, she hasn't given me a card or a gift. I give gifts to her, her husband, and each of her three children on their special days. I don't want her to feel obligated to give, and I don't expect expensive presents, but I wonder why she doesn't acknowledge my special days with cards or gifts of any kind..

She gives thoughtful, generous gifts to her friends and to other family members.

On Mother's day she gave cards to her Mother-in-law and to my other daugher who is a new Mom. I think that was very nice, but I was at the same dinner table when she gave out the cards and I didn't receive one.

Yesterday was my birthday. My daugher and her family stopped by today but didn't give me a card.

Two days ago, on her mother-in-law's birthday, my daugher gave mother-in-law 3 birthday cards and a gift.

I feel sad and I wonder what the reason is that she seems to deliberately cut me out of her gift and card list.

I wish she would let me know if she is upset with me so that we could work things out. I also wonder why she doesn't pay me the money she owes.

She used to be very responsible when she borrowed money. She used to give me thoughtful gifts and cards with lovely sentiments. I cherished them. I grieve for our relationship.

I'm confused by her actions. One more thing,

I've been sick for the past 5 years with some autoimmune disorders that prevent me from being as helpful and generous with my time as I once was.

I was taken to the emergency room a few months ago for my illness and my daughter never acknowledged it with a phone call, visit, or anything.

I'm trying to just let her be and to just live my best life, not cutting her off, still loving her, but not being a victim.

My husband is stumped by my daugher's actions. My therapist is stumpted.

My close friends in whom I confide are stumped. I turned to this web site tonight because I felt so sad that she didn't acknowledge my with a card or gift on my birthday. Thanks for providing a place where I can vent.

Any ideas out there?