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Thread: A son is a son till he takes a wife

  1. #11
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    Default a son is a son till he takes a wife


    I felt just as you did when I my child was young, but until your children are grown the saying will not mean much. I only have 1 son and 1 grandchild and my christmas's are very sad. I always have to accept the holiday with no son and no grandchild. I do live 3 hours away and its our fault that we moved that is why he can't be here for the holidays. How sad is that. I have tried to reason with him, but my holidays and our feelings don't count. He does not want to be in the middle of his wife and his mom. His wife's family and traditions count. I even wanted to alternate, but they can't do that either. I'm very heartbroken. I guess when your son's are grown they have to forget their parents. Oh we should not have x-mas's either they are adults now. So my husband and I sit home and watch x-mas around us.

    Any young mothers out their who are forgetting your husband family you will walk in our shoes one day. You will feel our pain...

    Sad in North Carolina

  2. #12
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    Default a son is a son till he takes a wife

    Do you have children? If not, you do not even know the love of a child from a parent/mom. The birth, love and care. If you do have children, their are other family members to a male spouse who you love. Not just a gf or a wife. Their is a reason someone whould say something mean to a gf/wife. Is that gf/wife only thinking of her feelings and what she wants or does she think about all pieces of a family?

    You will walk in your mother in laws shoes one day, if you have children. If not then you may not ever understand the love of child from a parents point of view.

  3. #13
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    I'm having the opposite problem, my boyfriend's mom doesn't want to share him. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, and we get along great, but I'm starting to get tired of being ran over.
    We've been together for 2 years and are planning on getting married. We've always gotten along with each other's parents. His mom is used to getting her way, with not just him, but her whole family. She likes to be in charge and have all things her way. I had accepted most of the situations to where she would make such a big deal about him spending time with her, and having to go to my family functions alone. I really don't want to put my boyfriend in the situation of feeling as though he has to choose between me and his mom. I don't want to cause problems in their relationship, so I have never let my boyfriend know that this bothers me (It's hard when he's your everything and you have to go to most events alone) . This last time really hurt me though, and I had to say something about the situation.
    It was during Thanksgiving, and my boyfriend and I wanted to be able to spend time together and time with our families together (because we both feel a part of each others families). His mom's side decided to have their dinner at the same time as my mom's. So I talked my mom's side into moving the dinner back 2hrs. It was a 35min drive between the places and I figured if we went to his mom's moms early we would get to spend enough time with both families. His mom didn't see it this way, she threw a fit and made sure he felt bad enough that he didn't leave her mom's.So in the end I went to her mom's with him and left after an hour and a half, and he felt so bad and didn't want her to throw another fit, that I again had to go by myself. I cried all the way there, I know this may not sound like a big deal to everyone, but the holidays are very important to me and it's important for me to be able to spend time with everyone I love.
    The other thing that irratates me it's always about her and her family, not her, her husband, and my boyfriend, but about her side of the family. She says he needs to spend more time with her family. She doesn't even go with his dad to his side on the holidays, he has to go by himself, and my boyfriend is expected to spilt that time also.
    My boyfriend called me later on Thanksgiving and I had been crying again, and he asked what was wrong, so I explained to him that the holidays are important to me and that I want to be able to spend time with him, at both our families. He said that at Christmas we would figure it out so that we will get to but I'm afriad that if his mom throws another fit that it won't happen.

    Sorry this was so long, just really needed to get it off my chest.
    I don't think this saying is true at all, definately not in my case anyway.

  4. #14
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array the wench's Avatar
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    this is what happens when they grow up...its not a bad thing but i cant imagine it feeling very nice...dont take it out on his girlfriend though!
    x~There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy......Her heart!~x

    x~the wench~x

  5. #15
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    Default "You haven't lost a son, you've gained a daughter"

    When you're in love it's easy to become preoccupied with your own world. My advice would be to accept it. If you project your feelings onto her and resent her there is a good chance that you will severely damage your relationship with your son. I have a friend who's husband always forgets to call home. He loves his family but wants to spend his free time with is wife. So, his mom will text or call his wife and she'll remind him to call his parents. My brother is also really bad about calling home and my family is extremely close. Often, my parents will call his wife and she'll remind him to call them. However, if you're not accepting of her and he really loves her then he might put up a wall. It has to be difficult to not be the only woman in his life anymore. But this is a huge part of his life now. If you show him that you accept and support their relationship he will be more likely to share things with you later. Stay open and try to befriend her, it's always better to open your life up to a new person. They also say "You haven't lost a son, you've gained a daughter" maybe that could be the case if all goes well. Maybe I'm biased, my in-laws are very rude to me and my husband barely talks to them anymore. It hurts me and puts a huge strain on our relationship. We both wish that they would accept our life together and accept me as a part of their family. I'm the one who always reminds him to call and keep in touch because when he doesn't they seem to blame me. However, it's getting to the point where I just don't care if he calls or not, because they are so awful towards me. We have a son and part of me wants to cut off all contact with them. I don't think I ever would but they have said some really cruel things. Sometimes I think it's because they feel I "stole" him away from them. They barely have a relationship now. It's a shame because I am completely open to having one with them. We could all be a family but they put up a wall. It really hurts my husband too. Please don't do that to your son or yourself.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by ityitybity View Post
    I felt just as you did when I my child was young, but until your children are grown the saying will not mean much. I only have 1 son and 1 grandchild and my christmas's are very sad. I always have to accept the holiday with no son and no grandchild. I do live 3 hours away and its our fault that we moved that is why he can't be here for the holidays. How sad is that. I have tried to reason with him, but my holidays and our feelings don't count. He does not want to be in the middle of his wife and his mom. His wife's family and traditions count. I even wanted to alternate, but they can't do that either. I'm very heartbroken. I guess when your son's are grown they have to forget their parents. Oh we should not have x-mas's either they are adults now. So my husband and I sit home and watch x-mas around us.

    Any young mothers out their who are forgetting your husband family you will walk in our shoes one day. You will feel our pain...

    Sad in North Carolina
    I have just found your sad letter.I lost my son when he got married we had an amazing relationship but that is dead and gone, even though he lives near by but we don't get a lot of input into his life with his wife and our grand daughter .Our son is so besotted with his wife he fails to see how she manipulates what goes on in his life. They are always at her parents, her parents get to see our grand daughter far more than we do.At any gatherings it is always all her family and friends, my sons friends of many years are over looked, his best friend feels really let down by my sons lack of interest in him now he is married.We do get invited to some family gatherings but never really feel comfortable.I am lucky I do have a daughter who though not married is absolutely delightful and assures me she will not change when she gets married and will visit her in laws, even she feels sadden by her brothers total lack of interest in her since he got married, but shows great interest and enthusiasm for his wives family.We walk on egg shells and keep our lips buttoned to keep what little input we have with our son and family. Why daughter -in-laws don't realise they will be mother-in-laws one day is beyond me.You are by far not alone I have many friends and acquaintances in similar positions with there sons.
    My thoughts are with you and God bless.

  7. #17
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array hizenberg's Avatar
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    aww gosh that sounds so sad, i dont want that to happen to me. doesnt the saying also say 'but a daughters for life'?? oh god i hope so i dont want to end comunnicating with my little girl, and i dont agreee with that also, i man should still be for life to his mum also lol but then boys will be boys and you get why he s not coming round as often, lol lol goodluck i hope you figure this one out

  8. #18
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array lime_lemur's Avatar
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    I'm on the brink of going into the "real world" at 21 years old, working on getting a job in the industry I've been aiming for, one more year of college, very good relationship with my boyfriend, etc. My poor mom seems to be having trouble with it. She wants to be encouraging, and she brags at family parties about the job offers I get and whatnot, and she never begs me to come home, but I know how depressed she is when I'm not around. She always tells me about how she really likes my boyfriend and thinks he's a great guy, as if she's ready to accept that he might be the guy I spend my life with. She knows that there will be no more summer breaks where I'll be able to come home for a few months. I feel sad because I can see my mom's trouble over accepting the changes, but I don't know how to ease it. Is there a point this gets easier for a parent, or is it always hard for the rest of your life knowing that your children have just grown up?

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by yellowpiXi3 View Post
    you don't want to be one of those moms that competes with her son's gf. his love for you is different than his love for her. I had a boyfriend once, whom his mom wanted to be number one in his life. She wanted him to answer her calls WHENEVER she called. She went as far as making him feel bad because he didn't attend to her when she wanted. TRUST ME. you DON'T want to be that mom.

    He'll have time for you. just be patient.
    I agree 100% ....

    Your son will always be your son, you will always be a big part of his life no matter what happens.

    Give it time and everything will fall into place
    The best things in life are free ....

  10. #20
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by echoskybound View Post
    I'm on the brink of going into the "real world" at 21 years old, working on getting a job in the industry I've been aiming for, one more year of college, very good relationship with my boyfriend, etc. My poor mom seems to be having trouble with it. She wants to be encouraging, and she brags at family parties about the job offers I get and whatnot, and she never begs me to come home, but I know how depressed she is when I'm not around. She always tells me about how she really likes my boyfriend and thinks he's a great guy, as if she's ready to accept that he might be the guy I spend my life with. She knows that there will be no more summer breaks where I'll be able to come home for a few months. I feel sad because I can see my mom's trouble over accepting the changes, but I don't know how to ease it. Is there a point this gets easier for a parent, or is it always hard for the rest of your life knowing that your children have just grown up?
    As the original poster never returned and this thread is over a year old, usually we would close it, however, you've posed a question echoskybound and for that, we will leave the thread open for people to answer your question.

    Personally, I think it's hard for parents to let go of their children and they certainly see you still as that little baby, but when you get married and have children, then they will have their dream all back again, but at that point you have to also be careful to accept their advice but ensure they allow you both to be the parents and them the grandparents, there for you when you need guidence but allow you to make your own decisions...

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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