Thread: A son is a son till he takes a wife

I am in my first real relationship- probably the guy I am going to marry. Problem is- I think Mom thought she would be his only forever. They talk EVERYDAY. She gets upset when they don't talk for a day. If he doesn't respond to her, she frantically calls and calls until he answers and is dramatic "I thought your were dead" kind of stuff. It's like he needs to check in...
She gets upset and guilts him if she calls while we're together and he wants to hang out with me.
I feel like we are competing sometimes- even though he tells me to love and I will be loved in return. I know his family likes me and we are starting to bond, but I know his mother is jealous of me even though she is super sweet. We have been to a counselor because I can't hide my feelings about it. The counselor told him to read this book called "When he's married to his mother" and after he read that, things have been much better. Other girls who are having this or a similar issue, pick up this book for your man! Don't get me wrong, I want him to have a relationship with his mother, but I feel it is time to focus on his own life and the life we are creating together. I think it is wrong for her to guilt him and sometimes even cry when he gets off the phone with her. The therapist asked him how he feels about this and he says "It works. I feel guilty." Therapist says mom is not getting what she needs from her husband so she uses my boyfriend to fulfill her emotional needs. Sorry mom...you have to grow up sometime and figure out your own problems. Your son and I have enough without yours too...

As a 25 year old young women my boyfriend and i have been living together for almost 3 years and in the begining his mom would say the same things you dont call as much or come over as much... But then one day she started calling me and building a relationship with me now we talk all the time and yes i do encourage him to see his mother more often!!

I searched the internet to find other women who feel they have lost their son since he married. I found this site and its some comfort to know that I am not alone.
It breaks my heart to be in this situation and this week the whole thing exploded and I have said to my son how i feel. For two years i have kept quiet, tried everything I can do to grow closer to my daughter in law, helped them out( but only when asked) had days out just with the daughter in law and never called on them without being invited. It breaks my heart and I hurt so bad that my son is walked all over and has minimal contact with not only me but his sister, Grandmother and all his old friends.
I have never got to do anthing much with my little grandson, who i love dearly. I babysit when asked but usually they ask one of their new friends.
My son and i were so close, we laughed together and talked a lot, I miss him terribly.
I totally think his wife and child should come first, I would not want it any other way but did not ever think, not in a million years that he would be like this. I have tried to love her, she wont allow me to be a part of their lives even though I am no threat. All I have ever wanted was his happiness.
I just exploded when I saw him this week and now its probably irraparible. I have to somehow learn to accept my son is lost to me.
I have seen him only twice in two years on his own, even when I phone they put the call on speaker phone or I can hear her chipping in in the background. I am utterly devastated.

A son will always be a son, no matter what.

We can indulge ourselves into a set of thoughts where this reality fades only into a belief.
But then it would only be a construction of the mind...

The love of a mother is capable to do amazing feats.
Same for the love of a child.

Sometimes we forget.