Thread: help my kids are driving me insane!!!!

First you need to make it easy for them to do. I used different sized plastic bins a lot. We had two 30 gallon tubs for lego blocks and a smaller one just for lego people and their stuff, a tub for hot wheels, a big tub for dinosaurs, one for action figures (boys dolls you know), another tub for "animals", a tub for lincoln logs, one for tinker toys, even a small box for magnets. In my son's room I built a wood bedframe (easy to do with 2x6s) that put the top of his mattress about 4' off the floor, the larger tubs stored under the bed and it made a great play area, fort, cave, place to lay and read, just created more floor space in the room and made it easier to clean. And what kid doesn't like climbing?

You can make bookcases to accomodate special items such as microscopes and boxes of slides, magnifying glasses, puzzles, as well as books. Each child should have one or two shelves for their own special stuff. Each should have accomodation for some special things that they don't have to share. You don't let your friends mess with All your stuff when they come over and the kids shouldn't have to either. Before freinds came over I used to ask, "Is there anything you don't want to share right now?" and we would put those special things away. This helps the kids establish their own boundries and reduces stress when they play.

For stuffed animals you can get some small hammocks or sturdy "fish net" type fabric, edge it and put some hanging loops on it and hang it across a corner to make a "hammock" to put that lighter, squishy stuff in.

Then you have to establish ground rule and You Have To Consistantly Enforce Them. If bed time is 7:30 (I'm a big believer in a consistant bedtime until they hit 13 or 14) then at 7 they Have to pick up everything before they brush their teeth. This means tossing it into tubs. Sometimes there may be a "special" game of something elaborate they've set up and want to keep so that may get an exception, but everything else has to be picked up. If they don't do it - it's yours - the entire tub of whatever. It gets put away for a week, a month - whatever seems appropriate. If they don't get witht the program then you take away video games (never allowed durning the school week when they were younger) TV, MP3s, anything that is a distraction. Truth is kids interact more and are more pleasant without that carp anyway. This may mean some changes for you, if they can't watch TV you may have to reduce yours. Once a week make a time to do a more complete clean up. I did this when my kids were little - their rooms are far from pristine now but they do get them cleaned up when requested to and it's never too bad. As they move toward adulthood you have to give them more leaway.

Here's the deal, you set the standards and expectations. School work comes first (have two AP/honors students, as a sophmore my son is already being courted by some top colleges based on his PLAN and PSAT scores, my daughter has an academic scholarship to a fairly well known private college- I have some clue about stearing kids academically) When they come home from school; snack, talk about their day, find out what homework they have. I usually allowed about an hour to unwind, run around outside, play a bit, then it was time to settle down and get homework done. From about 3rd grade they should start keeping a planner, many schools require it. All assignments get written down - check it. Don't do their work for them, but monitor to ensure they don't get too frustrated and give up. Start building a reference library - don't let them just find everything on line. Books of Science facts, history fact finders, famous quotes, a variety of dictionaries. Get them the kids ones but have adult dictionaries too - I've got two shelves of books on language, grammar, and various dictionaries (still can't spell ).

Make a game out of learning, driving in the car is a great time for this, I started giving my daughter words to spell or math problems to do in her head and soon her brother who is 3 yrs younger, was wanting to do it and answering some of hers. Kids love word and number play, rhyming, odd numbers, even numbers, prime numbers. It stimulates their minds and I found they were more cooperative in other areas when we were doing a lot of this. Read to them every day - yes, even the 8 yr old. I found the Berenstein Bears and Little Critter helpful because they teach by pointing out behavior problems and solving them - those books took care of more than one issue in my household. Don't limit reading to kids books, I read my kids The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter (they grew up with Harry and eventually read the last few themselves) Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys (the old ones) with this we taked about how societies attitudes have changed toward kids and people. Get them some classical music to listen to while studying or falling asleep. You can research the studies on the effects on the mind. Make everything you can a fun learning experience. Really the more time you spend with them, with this type of activity, the more cooperative they will be in all areas.

Let them earn new things. Really want that new action figure? Room has to be cleaned up regularly for a month. They can do more than just carry out their laundry. Get a 3 part sorter and have them separate the lights, colors and darks. Hey, lets make chocolate chip cookies! Oh, hurry, hurry, we can't make cookies until your room is picked up! How fast can you do it? Show me! You're soooo slow I'll bet it will take you an hour! If you do it in 30 mins we'll have a treat or do something special. Oh, when freinds come over and make a big mess, they should help clean up before they leave. Just very matter of factly, "Hey your dad will be here in 15 mins to pick you up, time to clean up".

Consisitancy is the toughie. It is easier and less hassle to do it for them. You have to be strong with yourself about it. I still catch myself starting to do something I asked my teen to do and instead will remind him.

Good luck, raising kids is as big a growth experience for you as it is for them! There aren't any do overs. Try to make getting it all done all as fun as you can, it's eaiser on everyone if you can.