5yr old daughter lying issue..

**LadyDstrike** · 03-07-2010 09:21 PM

so as of late we are having a problem with my daughter who has been lying about a lot of things lately. I want to know how to go about explaining that lying isn't ok. I've tried to explain that she needs to just be honest & tell mom and dad the truth. For example- in our home we have a rule of no food on carpeted areas like bedrooms/living room etc.-today we asked her to pick up toys & we found fruit roll-up wrappers half-way hidden under her bed. We had asked her earlier if she had gotten into the fruit roll-ups & she said it wasn't me-I didn't touch it. I'm about at wit's end with what to do. Anyone have some suggestions of any sort that may help or you have tried that could possibly work?

**LaurieX** · 03-13-2010 03:01 PM

okay so im only 15 but my younger brother had a huge problem like this, and my mum and dad were totally lost and had n idea how to stop him lying. They tried everything, doctors, "Naughty step", No sweets for a day every time he lied.. the list goes on, so they just ended up "giving in"
They played along with his lies and he would get so frustrated and guilty that he would own up. This was like when he was 6 and hes 10 now, and he hasnt told a "real" lie in about 2 years.

Hope this helped xox

**luvtheoneurwith** · 03-16-2010 10:40 AM

My daughter (4) tells real whoppers. Her school Teachers and Speech therapists said that the best thing to do is recognize when she lies and tell her that lying to Mommy and Daddy hurts their feelings. It has helped a little. We also have been doing share time. We allow her to tell us a story, any story she can make up. Telling stories has also helped. Unity in caregivers and parents also has helped. When I was in first grade I told such a big whopper that it almost got CPS called on my Parents. I was spanked (they did that back then) and wasn't allowed to play outside after school like my siblings. If you can prove without a shadow of doubt that she is lying to you, start taking things away telling her that it is because she lied. All of these things, minus the spanking, has been helping my daughter, husband, and I stop the lying. It is a slow process but at least there is light shinning somewhere down, way down there.

**Pinkyshot** · 03-16-2010 11:13 AM

My 5 year old daughter likes to lie a lot too....I usually end up telling her why she shouldn't lie and i'll take her play make-up away or go make her to her room...not much I think can be done at that age just because they do not really understand yet...I have a 6 year old boy and hes more mature than she is and most the time knows he can not get away with lies and tells the truth....Girls are harder sometimes because they don't want to get in trouble because it causes them emotional distress more than boys so i think they lie more.

**WildChild** · 03-16-2010 12:32 PM

My kids were truly convinced that I had eyes in the back of my head. I always knew what was going on. One thing is that you have to watch it yourself. Most adults tell "social" lies. Kids are learning, trying things out, pushing boundries and trying to get what they want while avoiding getting in trouble. Learning to discern why it is OK for parents to not always tell the complete truth but not OK for kids, moves you into iffy ground. This can take a lot of conversation.

One thing I think is critical is moving away from blame (which leads to cover ups) and when something goes wrong - like there a big spill in the kitchen - deal first with what are we going to have to do to fix this? Take care of it, have them help if possible and then address how this happened and what should be done to prevent it happening again. This is important because if something happens that could create a danger or has injured someone you don't want them trying to cover it up. They need to know that safety and care is of the first importance.

Have clear and reasonable boundries with clear results (not punishments) for lying. This action produces that reaction - not I'm going to punish you. Punishment is retalitory and often more about outside control than self discipline and learning. Play some games with it. The hyperbole game is a good one. Engage in hyperbole, who can tell the biggest whopper? How do you know it's hyperbole? Then talk about people who try to keep us from knowing if it's hyperbole.

Play teasing games, is a tease a little lie? Maybe, sometimes. Is dress up and make believe lying? It's not real. How do we tell the difference? Is "dressing for success" or wearing make up or dying our hair lying? Are advertisers lying? Why is it OK for them to say their product will do things it can't? Or make it look better than it is? Or will make you something you aren't? Because they are trying to sell stuff? Does that make it OK? Why would it be OK for them to stretch the truth but it isn't OK for kids?

Kids are trying to sort this all out. Many adults can't quite cope with it. Depending on your perspective, we are bombarded with lies all day long. Add to that, there are things kids want, often they aren't really unreasonable things but adults for their own reasons have restricted them, kids will try to find a way around that. Then they'll try to avoid getting in trouble for it. Often naming it, defuses it. Talk to them. Explain why it is important. Explain your rules - try not to have too many, ask them what they think should happen if they lie.

This can be tough but keeping your perspective and a cool head about it will help.