Questions for the mothers out there about sex..

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-20-2010 03:14 PM

I think its just such a shame how some parents (including my own) handle talk about changing bodies, sexuality and personal safety.

I think they thought by burrying their heads in the sand everything would work itself out. I was molested for several years by someone close to our family and never said a word until someone I trusted and told after the abuse had finally stopped decided to tell my parents for me.

I was afraid to tell them what was happening to me because I felt like I had done something wrong, I didn't even know how to put into words what was happening without mentioning bad naughty body parts so everytime I wanted to say I'd lose the nerve.

When they were finally aware, they handled it so poorly. They got mad at me for not telling them, got mad that I'd tell someone else and not them, and were more concerned with the dirt all of it was going to stir up than any emotional damage done to me.

I ended up being sexually active by choice at the age of 13. I was abused by men, that used me for sex... I had no sense of self worth about my sexuality.

They gave me the period talk ... well tossed me a book about it... at about 16 (I started my period years prior to that). And my mom freaked at condoms she found when I was 17, she was more angry at me being in possession of condoms than bothering to ask me who I was having sex with, why I felt I wanted to do that etc...

I ended up a pregnant teenager, single mom... and when I told them I was pregnant my dad wouldn't look at me for a month, and all my mom could tell me was how ashamed she was.

During my pregnancy they had a change of heart and becomign loving and supportive grandparents and we have a very happy relationship with each other now.

But I just can't imagine raising a kid in that type of closed off, zero communication environment... its so neglectful.

I know a lot of parents break out in cold sweats when it comes to talking to their kids about periods, and sex etc... but if you don't talk to them, someone else will - or worse yet... no one will and they will bumble around trying to figure it all out on their own -- not being given the opportunity to avoid mistakes you could have helped them avoid.

**Silktear** · 05-23-2010 11:57 AM

Hi

and just want to say what a Great post this is, and also what a wonderful young lady you are.
I agree with a few posters as in what you do at this age is pretty much up to yourself and your good judgement, just be aware of std's and pregnancy and of that i'm sure you are.

Also some parent's are not able to express themselves but by no mean's feel that it's any reflection on urself..(how was ur mother's relationship with her mother ?, or your mother's and father's relationship?) you see its not because your asking it's her (excuse the way i put it) her demons or taboo feelings so try not to hate, or feel bad there's no book on being a parent. just if you trust your heart and instincts then be safe and Happy

Myself and my Daughter who is 13 have a good relationship and it's refreshing to know that we are open and she know's she can talk to me about anything.. even though if i am abit embarressed lol i try not to show it with some of the question's she asks.
I wish you all the best x Kate.

**LittleMissy** · 10-13-2010 11:00 AM

I don't really think parents need to know if their kids are having sex. I mean, it's their personal life! I lost my virginty 3 years ago when I was 11 and I didn't go tell my parents right away. They know that I'm sexually active I think, because they've seen condoms and pills in my room, and my boyfriends have slept over at my house, but they don't really care. They respect me and I respect them. I know that if ever i'm in trouble, i'll go talk to my mother and she'll give me good advice without judging me. I'm not ashamed of having sex. It's a choice I made and I am proud of it!