Motherhood Looming on the Horizon

**Zenfirebird** · 05-12-2010 11:57 PM

I'm living back with my parents after a failed relationship resulting in me moving out of the place I shared with my child's father.

This is very definitely not how I imagined I would have my first child, but at 30 when I fell pregnant, I just felt so blessed that this experience had come my way. Now 4 or so weeks to go before birth, I'm starting to stress slightly. I notice this by the tension in my jaws when I awake (so I guess I must be grinding my teeth) and a general stiffness in my body. I'm a meditation facilitator so I'm accustomed to noticing my bodymind and it's fluctuations quite well and have been amazed by the subtle and not so subtle changes that have occurred throughout pregnancy. But despite my profession and usual flow and acceptance I have in my view of life, I wonder if there are any other single mothers out there who have been in similar situations.. back home after a decade of independence and starting a family with parents VERY NEARBY.

The relationship between my parents and I have blossomed during this time, but if there are any stumbling blocks ahead that I could mentally prepare for, I'd like to have a head's up so I don't get totally befuddled by it when it hits!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-13-2010 02:53 AM

Welcome to the Forum.

I am sure you will get loads of replies and definately support.

It's great that you are grounded, understand your body, it's changes.. I would imagine you are correct with your verdict regarding your jaw

And that you would know that it's nerves, fear, and being on your own that is causing that.

So, the difficulty that may occur for you is that your 30, living with your parents. You will not feel that you can bring your child up on your own.. I can visualise that all good intentions, but they will "interfere", take over sometimes... So you have to be prepared perhaps before hand, and in general talk, discuss how you intend to bring this baby up, ie) when he/she cries, will you want to pick it up immediately? Or, light touches, and talk to him/her, before doing that...

Things that will mould your baby with your beliefs..

Mums will always be mums and do what they did with you...

Also, you will want a break, have you talked about that with your parents? Will they mind the baby so you can go for a walk? Shop, etc?

How do you want to feed the baby, breastfeed or bottle?

Discuss with them how you see it... for now, as it will need to be in uniform to a degree, but at the same time, involve your mum ask her questions what she believes and if you can add some of those things into your bringing up of your baby, after all your living for the time being in her/their house and so they don't want to feel isolated.

CW

**Zenfirebird** · 05-14-2010 09:22 PM

Thanks CW.

You've certainly hit a nerve there. I've always been very independent and have knocked heads with my family on many occasion re how I do things and what they perceive to be the right path for me and my life. I'm hoping these previous experiences have taught me how NOT to handle this and even better, how to respond to them/situations so I can aptly advocate for my child and my preferred stimuli for his/her space - especially when s/he is so young and is a sponge absorbing everything without any filters.

I think you're right - being clear about certain things that I won't budge on is necessary BEFORE the lil one arrives and things get manic and in the moment, other people's good intentions take over from what I see as best for my child. So I'm seeing the need for a LOT of communication!!

It's true - as much as I'm wanting to be independent again ASAP, being self-employed means that this natural slow down that occurs before baby arrives is affecting my earning potential and of course I would love to have some time to connect with baby once here, so will not be getting an income for a while which makes me largely dependent on the family again for a while - don't get me wrong -I'm so blessed that I'm in this position and have such a wonderfully supportive family, but I know myself - I will probably compromise on certain things as a result of being supported in this way and I have to, now already, be clear within my own mind what exactly it is I'm happy to compromise on.

Thanks so much - you've given me lots to think about!

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