18 year old daugher

**caligirl71** · 05-21-2010 07:37 AM

Very concerned about my daughters choices, and would love advice. She moved out for two months and then back home. She was having money issues and even stole from us behind our back. I got her a macbook by cosigning at bestbuy. the agreement was if she couldnt make the payments then it would be mine etc.. well I got onto the mac and her facebook was up and I went into her messages "i know I shouldnt of snooped" cant do anything about that now. She was telling some guy that she had taken a nude photo of her self and it got on this website, and it had her full name with the photo, it didnt show her face. Then I went under her photo albums on the mac... she has taken several nude pics of herself, close ups etc of her privates. There is one where she isnt showing nudity but the paper she is holding up says " no one knows Im obsessed with nudity"
IM very worried about her. What if she is talking with weirdos online... she hasnt proved to be very mature in decision making lately. Im worried for her safety, and just wonder where the is all this coming from???
SHe is a artist and I know she had did a nude self portrait, but she told me all artists do that etc... this is too much.

Is this a big deal or no deal at all?? Am I over reacting?

**WildChild** · 05-21-2010 07:43 AM

Sounds like pretty risky behavior. At the very least it could haunt her for years in job hunting and other areas where background checks are done.
She obviously doesn't understand the difference between maturity and do what ever you want.
At 18 there may not be a lot you can do legally, although you can certainly nail her for the stealing and talk to her about her behavioy - she has some growing up to do.

**pretzel** · 05-21-2010 08:00 AM

Well, if you daughter doesn't know the difference between artistic expression and sexual innuendo (i.e. posting naked photos) then maybe she's less of an artist than she's letting on.

What would you say to an 18 y.o. boy who you found pics of other young girls? You'd be disgusted, angry. These pics come from somewhere, they just don't appear out of thin air. You daughter just made someone's day.

Yeah, I'd be a little more than pissed if my daughter did something like this.

**eleni** · 06-04-2010 02:54 PM

i'd be concerned.

artistic expression is one thing
but taking borderline pornographic pictures and posting them where any random weirdo can see them is something entirely different.

is this a money making thing? you said that she has stolen from you in the past
if it is then you need to have a frank talk with her
this kind of stuff can haunt a person for ever as well as potentially leading to more risky behaviour.

i would confront her but i wouldnt bank on her being understanding, she's more likely to blow up completely at you.
is there a friend of hers you could talk to? just to see where she's at?
or a family member she confides in?

its difficult because you shouldnt have been looking through her stuff
but equally she could be getting into something potentially dangerous
and since you know about it now
i think it would be wrong of you not to mention it.

x

**Futureboy** · 06-04-2010 03:15 PM

Cali

I feel for you, I really do. Your girl is probably at her most vunrable and you are least able to protect her.

I am only a little younger than you but I have come to realise things have changed so much just in the last ten years, everyone has a camera and everyone has the web. I could post a piccy of my thang now but you would all probably laugh

. Anyway I think there is little you can do except "Did you here about Janet's daughter she took a few piccys of her boobs and her boyfriend posted blah blah and concequences etc." you get the idea don't preach be her friend, trust in your parenting in the past it will all come good long term.

Remember we all did stuff we dont want our parents to know about some of it was fun and some of it we learnt from. I doubt she really is obsest with nudity but keep and eye on her (not her facebook). I know you want to look, I want to look at my expartners emails i have the log in but you cant, because its wrong. Remember you are teach more than one moral lesson

Unless she's going into law or politics a few nudy pictures are probably going to make no difference to her career prospects

Cali I hope this helps

FBx

**Snowcat60** · 07-30-2010 03:55 AM

No offense to all who have commented. Yet, I would disable her internet camera ASAP without her knowledge. Should she confront you, then ask questions. Hopefully as you listen, you both can work things out, Otherwise take the computer away and explain why. In my home my computer which has no camera is located smack in the middle of our living room, yes I hate it being there yet I have control of my teens actions. I also have Spectrosoft which is an awesome spyware program for family users. Yes , I know it is a bit creepy, yet so are those on the internet trying to hook up with your child! Also before I installed it, I informed all users they were being recorded, which was only fair. To this day I have yet to have any internet problems. But am wise as to what can be done outside of our home. In today's world you have to do what you have to do to protect out loved ones, I don't like it, but for the moment it gives me a piece of mind.

**Lunar Keiki** · 09-27-2010 03:42 PM

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I am dealing with some of my own drama with my 15 year old and can completely sympathize with you yet have no advice. The difficult part is that she is 1800how do you deal with issues when she is an adult? I shall be watching for some advice from those who have been there and can offer their wisdom.