Son's father and his new wife problems

**rhiannon34** · 05-29-2010 11:29 AM

I have a son that is about to be 3, and I am divorced. My ex picks my son up on his scheduled visitations on a regular basis. He met a woman and about 4 months later married her, they have been married now a month. She has started to become a problem. If I call to talk to my son, she is in the background telling him to say I love you or whatever. My ex had her added to his daycare pick up list without my knowledge and had her picking him up when he was supposed to be, and now it's become apparent that he is calling her Mom. He tells me he wants to go to Mom's house and I say "I'm mom"?, he says "No, you're mommy." Should I be bothered by all this? I am trying to ignore it all, but it's really pissing me off. Talking to my ex is completly useless, he is constantly trying to provoke me and trying to hurt me, so he really doesn't care.

**JadedQueen** · 05-29-2010 03:53 PM

I have a suggestion but you might not like it.... here goes...
I think you should call your ex's new wife and invite her out for a cup of coffee or lunch or something and get to know her. Like it or not this woman is going to be a part of your son's life and if you got to know her maybe she could understand your point of view on things which will resolve your issues. Also... if she is doing things to intentionally you off cuz she may be a little jealous since you are the ex... if you develop a cordial relationship with her her attitude may change. Added bonus... your ex probably won't like it if you two had coffee and hit it off.... he'd probably get paranoid that you two are talking about him. *LOL*

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-29-2010 08:19 PM

If I call to talk to my son, she is in the background telling him to say I love you or whatever

That's a good thing isn't it? She's ensuring your son knows who you are and that your his mommy and that he understands love and the love for you.

I like JadedQueens's idea. This lady is now married to your ex, so she is going to be around in his life, and most "step-mom's" do have a responsibility to that child, and it's great that she wants to care about him, better than the other way around don't you think? Step mom, - mom, but mummy is exactly that, his mummy.

Your ex might have been and might be, a pain but I think you can be friends with this lady and I don't think she is trying to take over, rather be a part of her husband's life, therefore, his son's life as well and is including you, acknowledges who you are.

CW

**sourpuss** · 05-31-2010 06:14 PM

I think the positive is that she's taking an active role in his care. The whole 'mom' thing, I would not be cool with though. I agree that the best thing you can do is go out for coffee and have a conversation with her.

**Joey** · 06-01-2010 06:46 AM

I personally think its essential for you too meet up with your Ex husbands girlfriend for coffee and a chat, especially as she is now going to be involved in your sons life. I know that it will be hard for you, especially as your hacked off with the current situation, but if it was me, i would HAVE to get to know the person who will be taking an active role in my sons life whilst with my ex husband.

**pretzel** · 06-01-2010 08:01 AM

I think that if she's (new wife) is willingly being a positive influence in her step son's life, that's good. The daycare thing is on him to an extent. It could be something as simple as it's more convenient for her to pick him up when it's the dad's day than it would be for him. It really could be something very nondescript that would only be an issue if you want to make it one. Who knows, there may be a time in the near future where you may need an emergency pick up and it's her that is best able to pick him up.

As for the "mom" thing, remember we're talking about a 3 year old. I think him calling his new step mom "Dolores, or whatever" or "Mrs. Dad" might just be more confusing to him than "Mom". He knows she's not his real mom, but what do you tell a 3 year old that the person living with "Dad"?

**rhiannon34** · 06-07-2010 08:24 PM

I am pretty unwilling to accept this woman as a long term figure in my son's life because....this is my exes third marriage and he's 31, he was with her for 4 months when they married, and he's abusive and a narcissist. He would never let me talk to her alone because the one time I talked to his ex while we were married, he FLIPPED OUT!!!!! Me and him do not have a good relationship now, and he is constantly doing things to tick me off, and I'm sure this is one of them. I feel it is wrong for them to do this, and would not allow my child to call my bf dad because he is too young to understand the difference. It should be his choice when he is old enough to choose as to whether to call a step-parent mom or dad, until then, there is no reason why she can't be called by her name, like my bf, who I have been with longer than they have been together.

**sourpuss** · 06-08-2010 06:50 AM

Can you go in and chat with her at her workplace?

**rhiannon34** · 06-09-2010 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

Can you go in and chat with her at her workplace?

No, as soon as her and my ex moved into tegether she quit her job and stays home. I don't even have her phone number. I essentially know nothing about her but her name. Talking to her really wouldn't do any good anyway. She isn't going to go against my ex. I know how he is.