Should I have "natural" children? Or any at all?

**justcuriouz** · 08-15-2010 01:42 AM

I am a woman (fairly young) who is getting married soon. I have depression, but it is pretty well managed by meds. Would it be fair of my fiance and I to try to have natural children, knowing that there's a chance he/she could have depression? And also, I would have to go off my meds to get pregnant without damage to the baby, right? I know I am putting the cart before the horse since I'm not even married yet but we want to start a family in the next few years and I wonder if we should just adopt instead. I want children, but I'm scared to death of bringing someone into the world and then they could suffer. Any thoughts on this, anyone? I want children, but sometimes I wonder if I am even cut out to be a mother at all, natural or adoptive, since I suffer from depression. There are a lot of bad moms out there and I wouldn't want to be one of them. But maybe I'm being too hard on myself?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-15-2010 02:28 AM

You are definately being hard on yourself
You know your question is one in the mind of many a woman. Will I be impatient for instance, as I am in nature.. Or a family member suffered from something that makes us wonder, but you know, same for your fiance, same for everyone on this planet..

What life deals to us, is fine, we learn to cope, learn to overcome to the best of our ability, no one is and ever will be perfect.

Depression, doesn't mean you can't love, give.. After all your engaged aren't you

Being depressed also often brings negativity.. You are getting married, that's positive, stay with your thoughts of that.. and don't be so hard on yourself..

CW

**p3375** · 08-15-2010 06:07 AM

curious:
Yeah, you're being hard on yourself. If everyone waited for the perfect time, the perfect mom or the perfect health before havning children, there would'nt be any people on the earth. None of us are ideal parents or children. We aren't expected to be. Just to do the best we can with what we are given.
Pat

**sallywi2003** · 08-15-2010 07:47 PM

Justcurious, I have also suffered from depression on and off in my short life from my standpoint I really want to have kids some day and will work through it to have normal healthy kids. During pregnancy and nursing I will need to use other coping skills as I go off my meds but after I am through nursing then I will go back on my meds if I need to. As my kids grow up a will be more observant for any issues of depression with them and hope they do not have the problem. Just keep thinking positive you are marrying a wonderful guy and you will have healthy kids as the years pass.

**ariel571** · 08-16-2010 12:15 PM

What Chandler's Wish said!

**Momof4plusmore** · 09-07-2010 12:24 PM

My SIL is bipolar and was able to switch to a medication that was safe during pregnancy, 3 times. You can adopt in the hopes of having a perfectly healthy child, but you don't know anymore than if you give birth if your child will have depression! I am in the process of adopting #5 and maybe #6 and have a mixture of adopted and birth children. Adoption is MUCH harder than giving birth (for most people).